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post #76 of 348 (permalink) Old 12-15-2016, 04:57 PM
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Re: new here: proof of impending PA, do I intervene?

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Originally Posted by moth-into-flame View Post
Asking her "what she wants" and acting accordingly is a fatal mistake. Completely emasculates himself, gives away all power and loses any respect (if there is any) that remains for him from her.
I'm going on the assumption that OP wants to give her another chance if that's what she wants. If this is the case then making her adhere to the conditions I laid out puts him totally in the drivers seat. If she refuses to abide by these conditions then OP is put to the test: Start divorce proceedings or cave and hand her his balls.

I don't think we are disagreeing at all - just taking different approaches to get him to the same place.

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post #77 of 348 (permalink) Old 12-15-2016, 05:04 PM
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Re: new here: proof of impending PA, do I intervene?

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I'm going on the assumption that OP wants to give her another chance if that's what she wants. If this is the case then making her adhere to the conditions I laid out puts him totally in the drivers seat. If she refuses to abide by these conditions then OP is put to the test: Start divorce proceedings or cave and hand her his balls.

I don't think we are disagreeing at all - just taking different approaches to get him to the same place.
Cool. Maybe just a disagreement on wording/approach. I wouldn't be asking her what she wants at all. But I get your point.
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post #78 of 348 (permalink) Old 12-15-2016, 05:54 PM
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Re: new here: proof of impending PA, do I intervene?

All OP mentioned in the initial post is "sort of" flirty texts. From that he gets a PA is going to happen?

There is more he isn't telling. Including why he hacked her account through work.
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post #79 of 348 (permalink) Old 12-15-2016, 06:12 PM
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Re: new here: proof of impending PA, do I intervene?

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Eh... a software engineer with capabilities to read everyone's text messages? I don't think so.

Yeah, I know.

I bought a new pair of swimming goggles. They do not fog up like the last pair.

The only thing I do not like about them....you can NOW see the flotsam in the pool.

Ignorance is Fort Bliss.

This....This is the nub of the stick that pokes me in the eye when the light of day energizes my optic nerve....SunCMars.... The Allegory of the Cave--> On this, I did a '180' and stepped out.

The Lion in Winter. Invictus..By Will, Shall... Saved from harm by my friends.
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post #80 of 348 (permalink) Old 12-15-2016, 06:18 PM
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Re: new here: proof of impending PA, do I intervene?

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Yeah, I know.

I bought a new pair of swimming goggles. They do not fog up like the last pair.

The only thing I do not like about them....you can NOW see the flotsam in the pool.

Ignorance is Fort Bliss.
Sometimes I wish I had some of what you're smokin'.
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post #81 of 348 (permalink) Old 12-15-2016, 06:19 PM
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Re: new here: proof of impending PA, do I intervene?

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Eh... a software engineer with capabilities to read everyone's text messages? I don't think so.


Maybe he is Russian.
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post #82 of 348 (permalink) Old 12-15-2016, 06:27 PM
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Re: new here: proof of impending PA, do I intervene?

You most definitely should intervene. If you don't fight for your family, she will wantonly bang this guy. Once he claims her body, your whole family will suffer. Something I've learned on these boards is that WWs don't care about the impact on their kids. They say that they do but their actions reveal the exact opposite. I mean your wife is planning a trip to fvck another man and using your daughter as cover. Talk about being vile.

But your thinking, "why should I fight for a cheater?" Because you have 3 kids with her. If there is anything in life worth fighting for, that is it. The problem is being a SAHM with older kids, she's craving excitement. To her you're her co-parent that she has to bang in order to keep the peace. Now along comes douche ex-cop, who's probably arrogantly confident and he's spitting game at her and she eats that up.

You shouldn't have to fight for her but if you don't it's broken homes for your kids. With her being a SAHM, the courts will eat you alive. Her mind is on getting some but you need to snap her out of it with BOLD ACTION>

You MUST expose this POS to his wife. She can be your biggest help.
You MUST expose to her parents and family. Shame works wonders.
If possible, get D papers filed.
Move your money to another account and cancel credit cards.

Only boldness will shock a WW. They only understand strength.
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post #83 of 348 (permalink) Old 12-15-2016, 07:07 PM Thread Starter
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Re: new here: proof of impending PA, do I intervene?

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Eh... a software engineer with capabilities to read everyone's text messages? I don't think so.
who in the world said "everyone"???? god damit, I sure as hell didnt. I have repeatedly said is my own account where her number is under.

anyways, lots of great feedback, am just overwhelmed and a stressful wreck, I need to find a way to chill out a bit and unplug from this. I told her am staying at my mom's tonight because as I have to help her out with some things (and in fact I do). I need the break away from her for a bit. I am going to see a counselor on Monday to get some help as well...will check in here tomorrow, trying to stay strong but this is brutal.

I will also post some of the message text I got, just exhausted from all this now.....
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post #84 of 348 (permalink) Old 12-15-2016, 07:35 PM
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Re: new here: proof of impending PA, do I intervene?

@MarriageEjected when is this trip?


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post #85 of 348 (permalink) Old 12-15-2016, 08:01 PM
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Re: new here: proof of impending PA, do I intervene?

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who in the world said "everyone"???? god damit, I sure as hell didnt. I have repeatedly said is my own account where her number is under.

anyways, lots of great feedback, am just overwhelmed and a stressful wreck, I need to find a way to chill out a bit and unplug from this. I told her am staying at my mom's tonight because as I have to help her out with some things (and in fact I do). I need the break away from her for a bit. I am going to see a counselor on Monday to get some help as well...will check in here tomorrow, trying to stay strong but this is brutal.

I will also post some of the message text I got, just exhausted from all this now.....
Thank you, sir.

We are invested and we are an impatient lot.

Get some rest.


This....This is the nub of the stick that pokes me in the eye when the light of day energizes my optic nerve....SunCMars.... The Allegory of the Cave--> On this, I did a '180' and stepped out.

The Lion in Winter. Invictus..By Will, Shall... Saved from harm by my friends.
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post #86 of 348 (permalink) Old 12-15-2016, 08:58 PM
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Re: new here: proof of impending PA, do I intervene?

ME,

The way i see it is yeah you could wait until they do the deed, but if that happens any chance of reconciliation is out the door. And consider this, if you say nothing and knew then you become the bad guy from a couple perspective, your wife will see it as you knew and said nothing so that is considered entrapment....and the OM wife will be upset that you also did nothing to prevent it once you had the info...a couple thoughts...give the OM'wife a call, and pass along the info and talk it out with her....let her be part of this since after all is her husband...now other possibility is call the OM and tell him what you know and if he even thinks about going through with it his wife will know everything, and to tell him to have him dump your wife with no excuse...and i mean cold or you will pass all of to his wife....and just as a precaution, you NEVER EVER want to hear from them again...you consider their friendship dead. either way, please don't let this go with out preventing it....
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post #87 of 348 (permalink) Old 12-16-2016, 09:27 AM
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Re: new here: proof of impending PA, do I intervene?

To me, it just depends on what you want to do with your marriage.

If what she has done already is grounds for divorce to you and you have no desire of any type of R, then there is no better proverbial "final nail in the coffin" than a consumated PA. If D is your goal, wait. But know that there is no undoing a PA.

If you do want to try to salvage your marriage and get your W back, then by all means please follow all the advice above and put a stop to it, like NOW.
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post #88 of 348 (permalink) Old 12-16-2016, 09:31 AM
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Re: new here: proof of impending PA, do I intervene?

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Eh... a software engineer with capabilities to read everyone's text messages? I don't think so.
Reads them in real time before the user even hits the send button
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post #89 of 348 (permalink) Old 12-16-2016, 09:42 AM
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Re: new here: proof of impending PA, do I intervene?

Well OP, you are now six pages in and basically are nowhere different than where you were when you posted despite some very sound advice, at least from most. I truly do not understand the mindset that says that knowing that your wife intends to spend alone time with another man to just sit there sucking your thumb watching it happen and hope that it does not. She has already betrayed you in the planning, and should you sit there paralyzed you will enjoy the mind movies that needed not to occur if you decide to stay with her.

You are NOT in a court of law, and you are NOT going to need to catch her in bed with him to prove any case. You know what is right in front of you.

Now, if you want to stop trembling you need to lower the boom on her, tell her that while she is gone you will have divorce papers prepared, and that she can either sign them or take a polygraph when she returns. Trying to go with her will only postpone the inevitable because she will still be communicating and planning with him.

your wife is checked out of your marriage. Most women are before they start to follow the path to hopping in the sack with another man.

Your para;ysis is going to cost you if you do not snap out of it. if you think you are trembling now, wait until you start trying to figure out and get any answers after she has a week end sex fest with him.

I know this is harsh but some very smart folks have preceeded me in trying top get you do get out of denial but it appears it has not worked. This I am afraid is not going to end well for you because you are playing the pick me game by your inaction. And you better start trying to figure out what you are going to do if when confronted she says she is not going to stop contact with him or meeting him but wants to stay married to you as Plan B
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post #90 of 348 (permalink) Old 12-16-2016, 09:47 AM
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Re: new here: proof of impending PA, do I intervene?

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Originally Posted by GuyInColorado View Post
Eh... a software engineer with capabilities to read everyone's text messages? I don't think so.
Nah, he said it was a family plan and I believe him. I believe him because I can do the same thing with my sixteen year old daughter...which proved very beneficial when she was dating a controlling, POS, whiney little ****.
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