I am new, but have been a reader for a while. my W has been having sort of flirty texting with an old friend of ours (older married cop with kids), she doesnt know that I have seen any of the messages. all sudden she now has made herself a trip with my daughter to go see this friend and their family, while staying at her uncles. There is texting indicating they plan to get together thou of course not specific about anything, however I think a PA is very likely.
I dont have lot time right now but I will check in tomorrow again with more details, my question is do I intervene now and stop this dead on its tracks or let the chips fall where they may and let her have her PA....am so confused and have read so much am not sure what to do....if someone doesnt want to be with me let them do whatever they want....am not going to stop her if this is who she is to be able to do something like this and ruin her marriage....am terrified, hurt , angry but trying keep my cool and not blow anything up just yet.....the trip is around new years, several states away...married for 14yrs, 3 kids....am not aware of any issues in our marriage....all is well as far as am aware.
I know you are in a bad place right now. This is a transient phase, think of it like a phoenix: Sometimes you have to die a little inside in order to be reborn and rise again as a stronger and wiser version of you.
Yes, the life you knew is now over, but that doesn’t mean you are done or you won’t find yourself in a better place. At the moment, you are making the worst out of a bad situation. If you ask many here will supply you with a more accurate settlement picture, so will your lawyer.
People on this thread have been unusually hard on you. In part I believe their hope was to steel you against just this pain (yes, we all saw this coming). You have been hurt to the core and many of us know this pain. But now is the time for action. You have shown a lot of weakness, and it makes us frightened for you because if you continue this path you will invite even more pain.
I am inclined to believe you will gravitate towards R. In your current frame of mind this would lead to nothing positive. If you do indeed want to save it, the actions should be the same as if you were heading towards D.
180
File for Divorce
Have her attend IC
Full disclosure (both sides of the family and friends)
She needs to acknowledge and empathize with the pain and chaos she caused
If you see what looks and feels like true remorse after the above, attend MC.
If not, you will at least have a more clear picture of your options and have readied yourself to let go.
You are feeling vulnerable right now because she knocked you on you’re a$$. That doesn’t make you weak, but you are in a prone position. It’s up to you and you alone to pick yourself back up. You are now in control, you are in charge and you get to set the path for you and your child’s future.
My only sibling. My beloved big brother took his own life as a result of his wife's infidelity & all of the cruel torture that goes with it. He was gaslit from the start, slowly destroyed over a year.
What I KNOW in my heart of hearts...If he was in his right mind, if he had any idea of the emotional carnage he would leave in his wake, if he could of caught a glimpse of the Eternal damage his action would of caused his loved ones...If, if, if, he would NEVER of done it!!
He made a choice, inhis darkest hour, that could never be reversed. I know that the pain was excruciating. I know that she had dealt blow after brutal blow but tragically I know that he would of recovered. His life would have improved. He would of held his first beautiful granddaughter & she would have grown knowing what a wonderful, funny, gentle, kind & loving man her grandfather was.
Suicide hotlines are there for you so are all of your new friends here on TAM. I have experienced the agony & utter loss of self. It does get better. I promise you that it does. Please be strong.
My brother has 4 amazing kids that needed him. Regardless of the useless pile of s**t his wife made him feel like, he was a dearly loved wonderful man. Our lives will never be the same. I'm now an only child. My parents every memory of me is tied to him so my very existence makes them sad. We have all lost more than he could of ever imagined.
You are needed, loved & cherished by so many. Please don't let her selfish, cruel, vile actions break you!
My brothers POS wife would never of truly left for the OM. He's a total waste of air!! If he had chosen they could have reconciled. He never discovered that.
My H has cheated & abused me. I know what it feels like. Now that time is passing I deeply regret that I didn't act with more strength when I first discovered the truth. My own weak actions destroyed my selfesteem more than my H's adultery! I'm haunted by my choices. Please follow the advise to be strong that you're receiving here.
I desperately wish that I had discovered forums like this earlier & followed advise when I did.
Career woman here, 37 years married (first marriage for both of us), and have two brothers who are cheaters. Cheaters like your wife don't change. Don't bother with her parents, they will always support their children. They know who they are, but will continue to love them and blame you instead.
Complete the divorce proceedings and start a new life. My cheated on sister-in-laws remained in their marriages. They are unpleasant, middle-aged women, and tortured in their marriages. You don't want a life like these two women. It's better for you to live simply than live in this type of environment.
Seek the advice of your attorney and complete the whole process. Sincerely sorry that you are here, especially during the Holidays.
Save any documentation you can about the physical therapist.
It's a clear violation of ethics. Look at this paper on profession conduct from the American Physical Therapy Association. In particular, look at page 6, principle 4E-- sexual exploitation of clients.
Many years ago, before they were married, with someone who pursued him, one time occurance, did not lead to sex, he called it off.
Vs
Married, Long time EA with texts and late night calls and sexy pictures and planning to meet and f***. TODAY. No remorse. Did not voluntarily break it off.
Big difference.
That is what he did. Before he was married. When he was an I married single man, he passed on f****** a topless beauty because he loved his future wife... Who cheated on him whilst married.
ME, see an attorney right now. As you collect all your info about the PA, start your 180. It often knocks the WW out of her fog. Know that you are in for a couple of years of distress, even if the does a turnaround. It might be better to start your D now.
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