So, if you're looking for an unbiased opinion I don't think you will get it here.
Why are you here then? Sure there are bitter people here, but as Badblood put it "She was being evasive."
She couldn't accept the constructive advice some of us were giving her. Before she tries to fall back in love with her husband, she needs to own up to her actions. She kept justifying her affair at every turn.
I'm not looking for criticism. I'm looking for how to be in love with my husband again
We can't tell you how to do it. You either love him or you don't, there is no 10 step plan of how to fall in love again. And if there is one, it's crap and you shouldn't waste your time and money on it.
I know you're looking for someone to pat you on the back and give you a big hug saying it's ok, you screwed up and things can get better. In the end, it's gonna have to be you that makes the choice to stay or not.
But if you can't love him right now, leave him and get it over with. Why make both of you suffer for years and years and that in turn makes the children suffer seeing 2 parents with no love and only hatred and resentment towards each other.
Fashionista, as I'm sure you've noticed most people on here are very bitter and judgmental as they have been cheated on. So, if you're looking for an unbiased opinion I don't think you will get it here. I am in the same situation as you and I don't know how to get it back with my husband. I also have deep feelings for someone else. I kind of believe once it's gone it's gone but I don't know. We also have little kids and I will not leave at this point.
And you're not bitter?
Quote:
Originally Posted by Kimberley17
Yes, I have sat down and told him exactly what I need from him and some improved, some didn't. The problem is I have so much resentment that my feelings for him are not the same. Long before my affair started I was just going through the motions. I am no longer attracted to him and do not feel 'love' for him. I care like a friend.. I am not condoning my behavior and know it's 100% wrong. I am strongly considering ending the affair ...
What advise of real value do you have to offer to her? To continue to lie and deceive to her husband? To steal years of his life leading him on that everything is fine so that when it is convenient for her, she should go ahead and dump him?
Here's hoping that your husband finds out about your affair and divorces you.
What advise of real value do you have to offer to her? To continue to lie and deceive to her husband? To steal years of his life leading him on that everything is fine so that when it is convenient for her, she should go ahead and dump him?
You couldnt find the courage to tell him you didn't love him anymore and like has already been said, you made sure he never had the option to choose his path. I genuinely empathise with someone in distress, thats why I am here but it sounds like you may have to be brutally honest with yourself ask yourself how you could take away everything away from him and contemplate doing the rounds again. How we **** our lives up eh, best wishes to you and your husband, really, I mean it.
I dont think someone who's completely stuck in the fog, living a lie with her husband while cheating on him, and betraying him, and her children should be giving advice to someone that is looking to rebuild or keep their marriage.
Bitter?? Oh , no-not bitter? What could possibly be worse than "bitter"?(Oh, yeah, that's right. Forgot that being a lying, cheating, blameshifting, betrayer might be just a tad worse)?
And, "judgemental"? Oh, my God. Don't tell me that folks are actually using their judgement in assessing decisions. How could anyone use judgement to run their life? I mean, isn't it better to go with "feelings" or " intuition".
if you want to fall in love with your husband again, start by doing acts of love..and mean it , from the heart. Respect him, honor him, find out about what he likes, wants and do these things...speak about his strengths, admire him (even if you dont "feel" it) I'm sure there is a ton of things you can admire him for, except that maybe right now it may take some time to find them bc of your feelings. However, remember love is NOT a feeling but action. Before you know it you will be in love again. Love must be cultivated for it to grow. and NO critical comments, no matter what he does , you must see him differently beccause you are now a different woman!. At least your hubby is with you , for this you should be grateful and this shows that he is a man does really love you is willing to stick with you through the worst and it cant get worse than this.
To fashionista;
Let's see, what can I offer this thread? I just want to say first off that I don't condone cheating, and that being on the receiving end of cheating from someone you love hurts more than losing someone to death. The death happens, it's reality. Cheating can drag on, the lies rip a person's soul apart, and make them crazy. You never know how much you can hate or had loved your spouse until they cheat.
That aside, be kind to your husband. What you did was not a loving act (duh, cheating). Right now you're still reeling from the affair, and are separated from any love for your husband you might have hibernating inside of you. Your mind sickly believes that you have been ripped from the affair and thrown out into the cold. Goes to show how selfish a human can be. For starters, acknowledge that if you feel love anywhere inside of you for your husband that you are effectively separated from it. Imagine a wall between you and what you used to feel for him. The love exists, but you built a wall between it and you. Now you have to tear the wall down. Move slow, don't force emotions. Be kind to him, you have no idea what the inside of his mind feels like to be betrayed. I think marriage counseling would be a good place to start sorting this out. It is always a bad time to make a decision about leaving when you have recently been found out. Rash decisions seem sane until time has passed and you've become a fool. You will learn of your affects on your husband and see his pain. Let him grieve the loss of his trust for you and what you once had. If you truly believe you cannot be with him, only decide such a thing after much thoughtful consideration. You can always get a divorce later. If you two make it, don't ever cheat again. Learn why you did this, and address it. Good luck. To your success.
I also think the cheating spouse who has been rejected by the affair partner (and whose husband/wife still wants them) feels angry because they are freely offered by their spouse what they want from the affair partner, but the affair partner won't give. See how the resentment would grow? You may be feeling that....
Re: Destroyed my marriage 
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