Heres the thing. We both came into this telationship with everything of our own. We basically have no purely maritial assets. Those that we have, we have split amicably. As much as i know i have to do this,( she wont) and its for my own good, it still sucks Posted via Mobile Device
She was surprised and dragging her feet for a little bit because she thought you will always be her back up plan, that you would always be there to take her back when things get rough. Stay strong. Remember, you are no one's back up or second string player. You will find someone in the future that will make you her priority and only man.
She's processing the fact that she really effed up and was hoping it would go away/get better. Now everything is actually going to hell and its all her fault.. Giving up everything for so very little.
Not only has she screwed herself her son has lost the dad he had come to love. Really hurt for you and your step son. Its just too sad.
Well she texted me today and finally got me the rest of the info i need to finish the paperwork. She also kinda indicated that things wernt going well up there. Asked her what was going on and she just kinda brushed it off like she didnt want to talk about it..so i said ok and left it at that. Followin the 180...IMO could be shes sad or there are some family issues..either way guess it doesnt matter...but no, shes not going to file first. I dont think she would file...but i need to get this done, im going to be travelling alot and gone for most of the year next year....as far as i know she doesnt have a job right now and is living with her parents...i guess right now i go back and forth between angry and depressed...i've done the right thing. Cheating on me in less than two years of marriage is ridiculous...i just dont get how she can throw this all away, and never have lifted a finger to try to stop it...and, i think that part of her " processing" is based on two facts..
She didnt think i would do it
Dont think shes ever been left before..shes always been in control of her relationships...
Doing the right thing...still sucks... Posted via Mobile Device
Well she texted me today and finally got me the rest of the info i need to finish the paperwork. She also kinda indicated that things wernt going well up there. Asked her what was going on and she just kinda brushed it off like she didnt want to talk about it..so i said ok and left it at that. Followin the 180...IMO could be shes sad or there are some family issues..either way guess it doesnt matter...but no, shes not going to file first. I dont think she would file...but i need to get this done, im going to be travelling alot and gone for most of the year next year....as far as i know she doesnt have a job right now and is living with her parents...i guess right now i go back and forth between angry and depressed...i've done the right thing. Cheating on me in less than two years of marriage is ridiculous...i just dont get how she can throw this all away, and never have lifted a finger to try to stop it...and, i think that part of her " processing" is based on two facts..
She didnt think i would do it
Dont think shes ever been left before..shes always been in control of her relationships...
Doing the right thing...still sucks... Posted via Mobile Device
Yeah, it sucks....right now. As time goes by you will look back on this and wonder why you ever thought it sucked. Look at the other thread where the wife cheated on him after only being married for 8 months. She never thought you would file because like I've said, you have always been the back up plan. She's lost that control now.
i agree...i will...and i have been following my own advice..beating my self up in the gym, staying busy..etc...still makes me angry/depressed that she just lets the lies go on and on...she is a piece of work
i guess i am just angry...who does this.. she had what most women want. we had a good relationship (so i thought), i am good looking, not into drugs, alcholol, additced to porn, nothing. i was a good father to my step son... a good husband to her...we weren't rich, but lacked for little. who throws all that away to sleep with a 21 year old boy, then lies and does nothing to fix the situation... i even asked her if this was an exit affair, she said no...so who does this
i don't know if i will ever understand this...i try to imagine that one day i can forgive her...some say its crucial to be able to move on...but how can one forgive what you dont understand
let me preface that i have a friend that works with OM..the best part, he doesnt know that this person knows me..he has friended this person on FB..
Haven't heard much from the STBX except to question when i sent my stepson a christmas gift...told her to tell him its from Santa and let it go at that.
So OM has told my friend that he has a girlfriend in another state..he puts on FB how much he misses someone and how long distance relationships are hard. (STBX moved out of state, OM is in same state as me)....that was about a week ago...
today he puts on his facebook "its amazing how one minute you go from meaning the world to someone and your the best decsion someone has ever made to the most hated person in thier life and thier biggest mistake"....hmmm wonder who he is talking about...my prediction, she will be calling me very soon to feel me out for reconcilliation. too bad she is going to get a stone wall..i got the seperation paperwork back, just gotta mail it to her tommorow....what do you guys think.
let me preface that i have a friend that works with OM..the best part, he doesnt know that this person knows me..he has friended this person on FB..
Haven't heard much from the STBX except to question when i sent my stepson a christmas gift...told her to tell him its from Santa and let it go at that.
So OM has told my friend that he has a girlfriend in another state..he puts on FB how much he misses someone and how long distance relationships are hard. (STBX moved out of state, OM is in same state as me)....that was about a week ago...
today he puts on his facebook "its amazing how one minute you go from meaning the world to someone and your the best decsion someone has ever made to the most hated person in thier life and thier biggest mistake"....hmmm wonder who he is talking about...my prediction, she will be calling me very soon to feel me out for reconcilliation. too bad she is going to get a stone wall..i got the seperation paperwork back, just gotta mail it to her tommorow....what do you guys think.
She is starting to see the reality of the mess that she created...The fog is maybe started to go away but I guess little to late...
oh and get this...so yesterday, (one day after she apparently broke up with OM) i get a phone call (didn't answer) and a text message like two min after that....boy she is something..
oh and get this...so yesterday, (one day after she apparently broke up with OM) i get a phone call (didn't answer) and a text message like two min after that....boy she is something..
so today i mailed out the seperation paperwork. coincidentaly, the she texts me today asking if i had gotten the sep agreement back yet to give to her. she said that she's applying to go back to college and since we are still married they want to use my income to base her payments on. guess if we are legaly seperated, she only has to count her income...no biggie....but then she comes back claiming that i am happy we are getting seperated, that i have been posting facebook posts and talking to mutual friends about how terrible she was to me, how happy i am now that we arent together and how i was never happy in the marriage. (none of this is true in the slightest. the only people i talk to is one of my friends, my parents and post on here. so being the fact that i was out in town with friends, i told her i would email her back with my thoughts on the situation. heres what i wrote her.
"not really sure how to start this...i going to go quite a bit farther than what we talked about tonight, but i had some stuff i wanted to get off my chest...your not going to like alot of what i have to say in here....first and formost, i have not been talking trash about you to anyone...i havent even spoken to any of our mutual friends since we split, so i have no idea what s*** or anyone else is talking about. i DON'T just put stuff out on facebook to hurt you...if i wanted to do that, i could have, but i didn't.
I am hurt though by the fact that you have this thing in your head that i wasn't happy. hurt and pissed off...how could you say that. granted, i am not the type to go skipping around and humming happy tunes, but i was happy. i was where i wanted to be. i don't understand why that you get that idea in your head, and no matter what i say or do, i can't convince you otherwise. i don't know if you if you just worry about me being happy so much that you are like hyper vigilent to any sign that i was not and convince yourself that i am not, or you weren't happy and just told yourself that i wasnt to justify what happened or us splitting up or what....i don't know, theres a million possiblities that whir around in my head, and i will probably never know. but i can't control what you think, i can only tell you how i think and feel and let you do with it what you want.
I am hurt and pissed off about what happened.. and like i told you i don't believe you that it was only just a kiss. you guys were full blown sleeping together and in a relationship. theres no two ways about it. you were doing this in front of our son, thats just inconceivable to me. who does that? you have no idea what that did to me. how much that hurt. how it broke my heart. still hurts. still breaks my heart.... to see you leave knowing your going out with him tore me apart inside. i don't know if you were so caught up in the fog of your relationship with him that you didn't see it, or just didn't care. but you obviously have no respect for me..that hurts alot... you lied to my face about it, even when you knew that i knew you were lying. that was the worst part of it. i think i could have forgiven you had you just come out and admitted what happened and broke it off with him. but the lying and continuing to see him is what pushed me over the edge. thats what i couldn't stand. why can't you just tell me the truth. why. do i mean that little to you...
as far as me being so miserable with you, and more happy now is complete BS. i admit, i am not sitting around the house sulking. i am going out and having fun, doing stuff that i didn't do while we were together. i refuse to sit around the house and be a miserable mess. thats why i am back in the gym, out all the time. i am a complete and whole person with or without you. but don't think that for a second i was unhappy with you. i loved being a husband to you, and a father for dylan. if i wasnt happy, would i have wanted to have a baby with you. i did. i wanted to watch our family grow. i loved being married. i loved being a father. i wanted to be with you for the rest of my life. you and that little boy were everything to me. and it was taken away from me because you decided to have a fling with a 21 year old boy because you were depressed and needed something to make you feel better... i didn't come to the decision to leave you easily or with a light heart. i don't proceed with the papers all happy, it actually breaks my heart. but i wasn't given a choice. there was no way i could continue to be treated that way and look myself in the mirror and like what i see. i don't like the fact that let you walk all over me as much as you did. so yes, i am angry. understandbly so. i am done with holding things in and not saying whats in my head and heart to get along and not cause fights. i did that too long while were together.
i just reread this, and it sounds like it was written in anger...but it really wasn't...am i upset and hurt, yes of course. but i actually wrote this in a very calm state of mind. your not going to believe that, and be extremely pissed, but its the truth. its just how i feel."
so anyone have an opinion. did i do good or bad...i let her know exactly how i felt though.
3Likes
Re: Started the paperwork 
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