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Coping with Infidelity Relationship recovery from the destructiveness of infidelity.

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Old 01-15-2012, 04:03 PM   #61 (permalink)
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Wow, you are so better off without her! So sorry you are going through this....

She is totally blame shifting. It's so silly - you already know what happened, why lie about it now? I guess she's trying to protect herself from the guilt she feels.
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Old 01-15-2012, 05:13 PM   #62 (permalink)
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happy you are so right...she is a coward...i just don't understand why she would still lie to me...the milk is spilt, the wench is pregnant (figuritively) so whats the point...just ridicoulous...

i don't know why i allow myself to be baited into these conversations with her...or wonder what i don't know, or if she's just alluding to something to draw me off.

but yeah, i just need to go dark...thats the easiest way
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Old 01-15-2012, 06:06 PM   #63 (permalink)
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I will tell you why she is a coward. Because you do not know everything and she is ashamed to tell you. I think things were worse than you know and if she told you she would be dumped.

Stop thinking about her and start thinking about you!

There are plenty of good women out there with no baggage.

Get your head straight and go find one.

You deserve it!

Thanks for your service by the way.

HM64
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Old 01-15-2012, 08:11 PM   #64 (permalink)
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you guys are so right...one of the things she said today really sticks to me...something to the affect of its better to not talk about something so she doesnt lose it...read that as "i don't want to have to admit i am a piece of trash"...oh well..better luck the next time around i supose
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Old 01-15-2012, 08:17 PM   #65 (permalink)
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Crazy- why aren't you going dark?

Whatever she is, I'll tell you this - she is a drama wh0re
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Old 01-15-2012, 09:11 PM   #66 (permalink)
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i am..just venting...better here than to her
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Old 02-04-2012, 03:24 PM   #67 (permalink)
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Hey everyone, thought i would pop in for an update...going NC has been working pretty good. However, reapeadtly in the last couple of weeks, she has been trying to get me to reengage with her son. I don't think that this is a good idea. I have told her that i don't think i can be part of his life anymore. this makes me feel terribly guilty, but i think its for the best and this is why,

1. He is my stepson, so i have no legal rights in his parenting
2. She is very manipulative-i know her very well and the minute she gets mad at me, or i start seeing someone else, she will yank him away from me so fast it will make your head spin.
3. She lives in NY now, and I live in VA. How am i ever supposed to see him. Its not like she will ever make any effort to bring him down here.

So today she texts me asking if i would like to see him when she comes down here for something (no idea why she's coming down, didn't ask/don't care) in late FEB. i said i would like to, but that i would be out of state for work. she then proceeded to basically talk me into being part of his life again. she even promised that i would never have to talk to her, that she would have her mom do the drop offs/pick ups. when i told her no, she says she understands, that if she were in my position, she would feel the way i do, even though she didn't really cheat on me...unbeleivable. part of me still feels that she is using the boy to try to keep her hooks in me....

oh, and i finally got the seperation paperwork back from her. a whole month after i sent them to her. funny coincidence, on monday, i posted something on facebook about one door closed, another one opens...i said that because i went on a date with a nice girl, and had a good time (didn't post that part though)... and i think it got back to her(we have mutal friends and i am sure she has someone watching my page) and two days later I got the seperation paperwork.
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Old 02-05-2012, 05:14 AM   #68 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by happyman64 View Post
CC

I will tell you why she is a coward. Because you do not know everything and she is ashamed to tell you. I think things were worse than you know and if she told you she would be dumped.

Stop thinking about her and start thinking about you!

There are plenty of good women out there with no baggage.

Get your head straight and go find one.

You deserve it!

Thanks for your service by the way.

HM64
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Old 02-05-2012, 06:47 AM   #69 (permalink)
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Yeah crazy, she is trying to manipulate you with her son. I can virtually guarantee he is acting out in school and with her and she doesn't know what to do. Wait till he is an adolescent, and he tells her (in a fight, there are always fights with adolescence) that she is a cheating *****. Oh and it will come out. I think she is trying to get you to stabilize her son. Another guarantee, along with visitation you would get a list of areas she would like you to work on with him. Such as forgiveness, how people grow and change, how they make mistakes, but we must forgive. She obviously trusts you not to try to manipulate him against her. So It must be a lot more serious then she lets on. But I also believe that she has paid you a great compliment. She trusts you with her son. The sh!t is hitting the fan, and your ex is asking if she can borrow a roll of Charmins. She is trying to keep her options open.

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Old 02-05-2012, 07:53 AM   #70 (permalink)
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It is so sad that she trusts you with her son but not with the truth. She is truly a coward.

If you still communicate with her you should tell her that just that way.

She is one messed up momma.

You know what to do. Move on.
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Old 02-05-2012, 08:27 AM   #71 (permalink)
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I feel bad for the kid. He might develop abandonment issues. Is there a way to phase him out gradually? She might be a cheater but this might be a genuine concern. She cannot manipulate you if you are aware of it.
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Old 02-05-2012, 11:15 AM   #72 (permalink)
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My heart goes out to the innocent little boy who is caught in the middle of this sh!t storm created by his mother.

Even if you were to adopt him or she give you some legal guardianship over him, you would still have the challenge of co-parenting with your stbxw over a long distance. Would you be up to the challenge? If you are unsure then don't for you'd won't be doing that little boy or yourself any favors trying to.
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Old 02-05-2012, 06:06 PM   #73 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by crazyconfused View Post
Hey everyone, thought i would pop in for an update...going NC has been working pretty good. However, reapeadtly in the last couple of weeks, she has been trying to get me to reengage with her son. I don't think that this is a good idea. I have told her that i don't think i can be part of his life anymore. this makes me feel terribly guilty, but i think its for the best and this is why,

1. He is my stepson, so i have no legal rights in his parenting
2. She is very manipulative-i know her very well and the minute she gets mad at me, or i start seeing someone else, she will yank him away from me so fast it will make your head spin.
3. She lives in NY now, and I live in VA. How am i ever supposed to see him. Its not like she will ever make any effort to bring him down here.

So today she texts me asking if i would like to see him when she comes down here for something (no idea why she's coming down, didn't ask/don't care) in late FEB. i said i would like to, but that i would be out of state for work. she then proceeded to basically talk me into being part of his life again. she even promised that i would never have to talk to her, that she would have her mom do the drop offs/pick ups. when i told her no, she says she understands, that if she were in my position, she would feel the way i do, even though she didn't really cheat on me...unbeleivable. part of me still feels that she is using the boy to try to keep her hooks in me....

oh, and i finally got the seperation paperwork back from her. a whole month after i sent them to her. funny coincidence, on monday, i posted something on facebook about one door closed, another one opens...i said that because i went on a date with a nice girl, and had a good time (didn't post that part though)... and i think it got back to her(we have mutal friends and i am sure she has someone watching my page) and two days later I got the seperation paperwork.
Your post pretty much says it all, don't you think? You're a GOOD MAN for loving your stepson as if he were your own blood. And she's using that genuine love that you have for him to manipulate you and keep you as the back up plan. I'm sorry, but to use that innocent child as a pawn against you is just plain evil. I can't think of any other way to describe it.

You know your STBXW is manipulating you into keeping you as her back up. As hard as it is, you have to move on. I know, easier said than done. I've been there. Just hoping you can find the strength to resist her manipulations using her son to keep you on the hook.
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Old 02-05-2012, 09:07 PM   #74 (permalink)
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Thanks guys, some much needed positive influence
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Old 02-06-2012, 08:52 PM   #75 (permalink)
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Oh, the drama continues. She had the boy call me tonight and talk to me for a while. While it was nice to talk to him, I've made it perfectly clear how I feel this situation. She keeps countering with the fact that my parents are divorced and both stayed in my life. I don't think she gets it, and its really sad. I think things are starting to settle in for her....she cried alot. And i am just cold...

Get this, several times while i was talking to the boy, he called me by the OM's name. I was like "are you Fing kidding me"? she apologized and asked if i was mad, i just non-chalantly told her i don't care anymore....I do, but but not much. To be honest, i am to the point where i still think about her, but i don't want her in anyway shape or form. haven't for a while. so i guess that means i am getting better.

My biggest heartburn is the boy. He is such a wonderful kid, and he is acting out, getting in trouble and all the things you could expect from a 5 year old in this situation. I feel like the biggest scumbag on earth for walking out, but to be honest with you, i don't see staying thier lives working out in any kind of positive way. You have seen through my posts how manipulative she is, and i feel like she does want me in his life, but not out of hers. I just don't see it working. I wouldn't be a real father. I will give you a perfect example of how she operates.

When we first split, we had two vehicles. hers and a truck that was hers before we got married. (we sold mine because hers was nicer). we had worked it out where i would drive her truck for a couple of months until i found a new one. one day after i moved out, she kept calling me and texting me wanting her truck back, so i had to jump through hoops to find another one in just a couple days....so as you see, she doesnt do things not in her interest.

I guess i am just venting because while i think i made the right descion, i feel terrible about it.
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