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Navigation »Talk About Marriage »Focused Topics »Coping with Infidelity » Started the paperwork

Coping with Infidelity Relationship recovery from the destructiveness of infidelity.

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Old 02-06-2012, 09:11 PM   #76 (permalink)
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Default Re: Started the paperwork

CC,
You did not leave the marriage she did.
And when she asked if you were upset or mad with the kid calling you by the OM's name you should have said. "Yes, but I am really so disappointed in you."

She really messed up her kid. And you.

You did the right thing by filing for D. And of course you feel like crap, you loved her. But she is not the woman you married.

And yes, the boy confirmed her A was going on all this time.

Go dark on her and move on.


Stay strong.

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Old 02-09-2012, 07:06 PM   #77 (permalink)
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Quote:
Oh, the drama continues. She had the boy call me tonight and talk to me for a while. While it was nice to talk to him, I've made it perfectly clear how I feel this situation. She keeps countering with the fact that my parents are divorced and both stayed in my life. I don't think she gets it, and its really sad. I think things are starting to settle in for her....she cried alot. And i am just cold...
Why do you keep taking her calls?
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Old 02-09-2012, 09:17 PM   #78 (permalink)
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Honestly, because I usually ignore the first call. Then she texts making it sound like there is some kind of dire emergency. I know, stupid. But I am past the point of wanting her to call. I can honestly say I am to the point where thinking about aggravates me, then I just put it away. I just can't wait to have this done and over with. Especially since I know there will be more drama when the divorce papers hit her next month. I can't wait to get that behind me. Then I think the world will be a little brighter
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Old 02-10-2012, 04:11 AM   #79 (permalink)
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Yeah, pretty much figured he was acting out. My parents divorced when I was 5. I just didn't care about kid things anymore after that. I did it all, but pulled it together when I married. Poor kid. Stay strong.
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Old 02-19-2012, 09:48 PM   #80 (permalink)
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Ugh.. Ranting

So the WW called last night. Well she texted me first, saying the boy was gonna call and voicemail was fine. So when they called, I let it go to voicemail. I am not intentionally ignoring him, but I know if I talk to him, I am going to have to talk to her. I have nothing to say to her. I think the fog has warn off for her and she uses the boy as an excuse to talk to me.

How F'd up is that. First she cheats on me in front of him, then uses him to try to talk to me....
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Old 02-19-2012, 09:54 PM   #81 (permalink)
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Stay strong CC. As heartbreaking as it maybe, maybe the best way for you to put this in the past and heal YOU is to just go dark on her and her child. If I remember correctly he has grandparents and a father that he is in touch with.

So I think you are correct that she is using the kid as a tool to try and continue to manipulate you.
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Old 02-19-2012, 09:59 PM   #82 (permalink)
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It burns me to no end to see an innocent child being abused in such fashion.
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Old 02-19-2012, 10:52 PM   #83 (permalink)
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You know I can't help but feeling like a jack ass though. Not taking the calls of a five year old. This is a crappy situation
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Old 02-20-2012, 12:03 AM   #84 (permalink)
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your story is increasingly what I fear will happen to this poor guy

Please help me......
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Old 02-20-2012, 12:10 AM   #85 (permalink)
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Yeah I read his thread and had flas backs
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Old 02-20-2012, 12:35 AM   #86 (permalink)
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so frustrated tonight... i really want nothing to do with her... other than to watch her life crumble before her before i get to leave it forever... but that little boy, he deserves so much better than this. thats whats got me so frustrated... shes slipped from an affair fog to another kind of fog where she will use a five year old to attempt to maniuplate me into coming back to her...you know, i know how much she cherishes him...and how good a mother she normally is...one day she is going to look back at this with a clear head and really really regret this.
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Old 02-20-2012, 12:44 AM   #87 (permalink)
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Like morituri, I really hate seeing an innocent child being used as a pawn.
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Old 02-20-2012, 01:03 AM   #88 (permalink)
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The only way you'll get rid of her completely is if you begin to emotionally detach yourself from the little boy. It's going to be incredibly hard but it must be done for you to move forward
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Old 02-20-2012, 04:44 AM   #89 (permalink)
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From one of your older threads, discussing the son.

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Originally Posted by crazyconfused View Post
no, actualy i would love to be part of his life...but his mother has moved him to NY, which is 500 miles away...she makes zero effort for me to be able to see or talk to him...i just don't see how its going to work...
You did not want to be a part of the boy's life, because it wouldn't work from a practical standpoint. However, the situation described in the above quote is no longer 100% true. She is still in NY, but is making efforts to keep you engaged with her son. Admittedly, a big part of this would be for selfish reasons.

Maintaining a relationship with her son will set back and disrupt your own progress as you try to detach and heal. No question. Keeping NC with her son may be the best way forward for your own personal well-being. Even so, are you sure that's still what you want?
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Old 02-20-2012, 12:33 PM   #90 (permalink)
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Would I like to be part of his life.. Yes. But I can't. If you read my posts above, she is extremely manipulative. So the minute I start seeing someone else, or do something she doesn't like, she will yank him away from me. I would never get to be a full parent. I would have no legal right from her yanking him away from me. .. That's why I just can't.
I know that her wanting me to engage with him is a ploy to have an excuse to talk and engage with me. And once again I would be dancing to her tune. I just can't do that. My heart is pretty much over her... I have detached from her. I really want nothing from her other than maybe for her to come clean to me. I view this as simple human respect. But mostly I just want a quick easy divorce, so I can continue to erase her from my life. But I feel absolutely terrible about the boy. Hence my many posts. No kid should be subjected to this... A lot of guilt.
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