Originally Posted by Itwasjustafantasy View Post
I addressed the suggestion of a polygraph earlier and it is definetely something that will get done.
I had a talk with my husband and he said he thinks a polygraph is a good idea to be done in about 6 months.
Next we talked about my smartphone. The truth is this is one device that I use for work also (when I am allowed to work from home or during my very long commute I can check emails, etc). So I will keep my phone.
My husband's thinking is that he wants me to be with him because I genuinely want to be with him, not because he has made a threat or given me an ultimatum. I explained to him that I want to be accountable for my actions and we agreed that installing a monitoring software on my phone would be a good idea. Also, installing a keylogger in our home computer. I do not have any other devices for personal use and while I have access to computers at work, none are for my personal use as they are shared with colleagues.
So, I did a bit of research and found one cell phone remote spy and monitoring software that is a bit pricey but would be worth every penny. It has a multitude of features. I had mentioned before that I am no longer on facebook but I do still have instagram and I use it only to follow some people (all females and one gay male) that I find to be positive role models who post inspirational stuff. Because I'd really like to keep this one app,which I do not use and have never used as a social platform as I do not post any pictures of myself or have any followers, then by having the monitoring software my husband would not have to worry about any inappropriate activity on my part.
My biggest issue remains the emptines that is within me and all the wrong ways I have tried to fill that void. I know that doing good things for myself and my loved ones is what will make all these seeking for attention and validation unnecessary. I have been a good enough mother but when it comes to being a good wife I have a long way to go. But I am not giving up, my marriage hasn't been perfect but it would be a shame to throw it all away due to my selfish behavior. Besides coming up with ideas of fun things my husband and I can do together (something I had largely left fo him to do), I am looking into volunteer opportunities. When I was younger I used to do a lot of animals rights and child advocacy activism which I found incredibly fulfilling. I need to get back to it so I can actually feel some pride in myself and filling that void with in a healthy manner.
OK, but your husband has to
(1) do the legwork to find a qualified examiner. The reason for this is because you should not have any idea when or with whom
(2) this test, whenever it is, should be unannounced and a surprise to you and if you set it up it gives you time to mentally prepare.
(3) assuming, and I emphasize assuming, that you are telling the truth about never having any physical contact, you are normally allowed around four questions, which must be yes or no answers. A 12 year old should be able to figure out what to ask you.
Your husband is correct that you should want to be with him, but right now you have a problem and him staring into space is really not helping you until you get some solid therapy. You are more liable to relapse with no monitoring than with some. yes, if you put your mind to it, there are very devious ways to cheat online but quite frankly you haven't been too creative ( FB messenger both times), so he still needs if for no other reason than to help you track what you do and help you be ACCOUNTABLE. Your husband is playing Russian roulette. Less than three weeks ago you were doing inappropriate things online after a year of doing it the first time, and apparently the only reason it did not go physical with OM1 was that that guy did not pursue it or was geographically not there because if you were chasing him for that long had he wanted to he would have been in your pants in no time. You need to own that and more importantly, so does your husband.
I got no real warning signs when my wife cheated. It always triggers me when I see BH minimizing what has occurred and hoping for the best.
Now, all that being said, what you have done is childs play compared to some of the stories on here, but, and this is the important thing, it definitely would have led to much worse. That is what your husband needs to get through his head.