Just a very painful story and I got nobody to blame but me - Page 7 - Talk About Marriage
Coping with Infidelity Relationship recovery from the destructiveness of infidelity.

User Tag List

 114Likes
Reply
 
LinkBack Thread Tools Search this Thread
post #91 of 103 (permalink) Old 12-30-2016, 02:30 PM
Forum Supporter
 
SunCMars's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2016
Location: North Coast Nationalist-burg, U.S.A.
Posts: 1,743
Re: Just a very painful story and I got nobody to blame but me

Quote:
Originally Posted by Itwasjustafantasy View Post
I wish that would fix my personality flaws but yeah that would fix my behavior...though as an addict I'd probably find some other way to seek attention.
But I understand your point.
Ref: highlighted words above:

Wrong response. OK, you have accepted your weakness. You seem "happy" you can label what ails you. Labels are helpful but are not "cures".

Boundaries, introspection, and real guilt are your cures. And genuine love for your husband is foremost. So far? He is not on your radar. If you say otherwise, I say bullship!

How about, "Keep your nose clean" for a start?

You can if "you want". Your "wants" are your demons to deal with. Suppress them or they will consume you. That is your reality.

Do your feet hurt? You are walking on a thin edge. It has to be cutting you. Which side of the fence do you want to fall on? Live on....happily for MOST of the time. Short term gratification is not real happiness.


This....This is the nub of the stick that pokes me in the eye when the light of day energizes my optic nerve....SunCMars.... The Allegory of the Cave--> On this, I did a '180' and stepped out.

The Lion in Winter. Invictus..By Will, Shall... Saved from harm by my friends.
SunCMars is offline  
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
post #92 of 103 (permalink) Old 01-05-2017, 10:47 AM
Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2015
Location: USA
Posts: 723
Re: Just a very painful story and I got nobody to blame but me

Quote:
Originally Posted by Itwasjustafantasy View Post
Thanks for the explanation Straighshooter. I think I understand this now. I'd have to say that the one statement that most closely resembles what my husband has been doing since learning about my latest inappropriate behavior last week is #4. While I have given him all passwords, never ever lock my phone, etc. he believes that spending any amount of time monitoring my actions is fruitless and something he just does not wan to have to do. As it is we have limited time to enjoy alone time without our little one around and we both work full time jobs, have a house to maintain, etc. so I can understand why he would resent having to use up any precious time keep track of every move I make.
So while he recognizes the need to have some sort of control by having my passwords (I have been off of Facebook for a couple of days now, my account is deactivated and only he has a new password for it which I do not have) of social media accounts and email accounts (work and 2 personal accounts), he has told me that if I wanted to cheat I could easily set up alternative secret accounts and he would then have a false sense of trust. My husband has told me that each and every time I was found out, he would notice a change in my behavior. The most obvious one being a progressively increased time spent on facebook. He has an account too and whenever he would check his, he could tell when I had last signed on. And of course he could also notice how I seemed preoccupied or distracted by something other than whatever we were doing together as a family or in any situation where I would have to turn my phone off or put it away. This I have to admit is so very true.

I want to work with my husband to ensure that we do not rugsweep or do anything that could potentially harm our chance at a healthy outcome. Especially if we are to reconcile, it would be devastating to know that we make irreparable mistakes along the way as it would be a lot more painful to find ourselves in a fake reconciliation of sorts. I believe this time around I am 100% committed to fixing myself and to doing all it takes so that even if my marriage ends, I could at least know that I gave it all I had to regain my husband's trust and to salvage my marriage.
Just my opinion, your husband is still in denial. The simple fact is that he wants to do nothing but HOPE you will not do it again speaks volumes. All control is given to you. So far, other than yell or tell you it must stop, what has he done?? Yes, you sould do the heavy lifting, but he has not demanded anything other than your passwords, which in itself are meaningless because you know exactly how he caught you so are you really so dense that if you were going to do it again you would use FB again ?? I doubt it.

How about
(1) getting rid of the smartphone and getting a phone that you can only call on in an emergency
(2) putting a keylogger on your computer

I'm going to say it again. This throwing up the hands in the air by a BH and hoping for the best does not produce good results for a serial cheater ( you are almost there) or a compulsive liar.

If you are still together in three months, schedule a polygraph and don't tak no for an answer.
straightshooter is offline  
post #93 of 103 (permalink) Old 01-05-2017, 12:28 PM Thread Starter
Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2016
Posts: 88
Re: Just a very painful story and I got nobody to blame but me

I know it might seem stupid but the truth is every inappropriate communication between myself and the 3 other men was via facebook. I do not know how to explain it but basically, in real life I am not the same person as I portray myself to be on facebook. I am rather reserved and not flirty at all. To me, online stuff is sort of all made up whereas in real life (actual texting, phone calls, emails) I do not think I could dare to do these things. I have a job that requires some measure of integrity and I have never ever even flirted or said anything suggestive at work where I spend most of my time. I do not do girls night out (pathetic, I have no real life friends). There is more behind the fact that I do not flirt with strangers in real life (bus driver, mailman, etc) but it is mainly because I see those people as real persons, with real feelings, whom I wouldn't want to entangle in a messy situation (besides the fact that I wouldn't want to further hurt my marriage). It is sad but I used to see these facebook friends as people with whom I could do whatever I wanted because they, like me, are taking a chance with a total stranger and so they would have to live with whatever consequences may come and I would be blameless...I know that it is callous but it is how I felt. Of course now Iooking back I do feel awful about using these men as I said before as tools, not as people. So I trust myself at this point that I would not do anything wrong in "real life." I just wouldn't. Facebook allowed me to to be this attention seeking woman who unlike the real me would pretty much throw herself at any man, in fact I am quite embarrassed and disgusted about the things I said to these men I barely knew.
With that said, I am not in any social media platform. The only online forum I partake in is TAM and I suppose anyone that has had a chance to read my thread would probably stay far away from me which is only fair. I'd also be careful to not engage in any sort of friendship with anyone here and since I started this thread I have only exchanged PMs with one female member. I have decided against spending too much time here as I tend to form unhealthy attachments and I take what is said to me very personally. I have very low self esteem and so I allow criticisms or some things said to me that were mean to hurt me deeply. I do understand my story triggers many and some may even feel like I am wasting their time (or mine) by posting here when my behavior did not change for almost an entire year even after many took the time to share their thoughts/advice. So I get that many may just roll their eyes and perhaps even read my thread to make themselves feel better at how much more emotionally healthy they are or whatever. But then I might be reading too much into this.
I 100% intend on having a polygraph done. It will be worth the expense.
A keylogger might be a good idea. I don't really use my home computer as much but it might be good for my husband to see that I am not deleting any history, etc. I have a computer at work but it is monitored by my employer and I do not do any personal stuff there as I have a smart phone. I do most of online activity on my phone. I wonder if there is such a thing as a keylogger for smart phones. I did look up an app that was suggested somewhere in this forum, it isn't free but I suppose I can see it as an investment in regaining my husband's trust.
Thanks for sharing your thoughts. I will begin therapy with a new person next week and may come back to share about that experience.
I really belive in myself this time around. Not just saying this, I am actually doing things. I have been off of Facebook for the longest time since I got an account 2 years ago and the feeling is so freeing. I have so much more time, I am not stuck to my phone 24/7, I am actually present with my loved ones and this might seem meaningless but I even left my phone at home twice when going to work or running errands...and the world didn't come to an end, better yet I felt no anxiety or eagerness to go back home to retrieve it. I honestly spend the most time here on TAM reading others' stories and experiences, but I am keeping it to a minimum. I have been deactivating useless apps from my phone and it feels really good to feel like I am more in control of my life. I realize as I write that it all seems to revolve around me and how I want to improve me, it might seems selfish but I know in the long run my husband deserves a better version of me and thus these efforts are for both of us.
Finally, I am making sure to spend quality time with my husband, keeping in contact with him throughout the day, letting him know how much I appreciate him and showing him through my actions that I want to regain his trust and show him true remorse. I know it will take a long time but I am actually excited about using this gift that my husband has given me as a new beginning full of hope.

Last edited by Itwasjustafantasy; 01-05-2017 at 12:34 PM.
Itwasjustafantasy is offline  
 
post #94 of 103 (permalink) Old 01-05-2017, 02:58 PM
Member
 
Chuck71's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: Where I lay my head
Posts: 6,234
Re: Just a very painful story and I got nobody to blame but me

Females love attention...... guys love sex. Yes they are traded....

If you wish to save the M...... as Yoda says

"Do or do not.... there is no try"

A-Every single thing that has ever happened in your life is preparing you for a moment that is yet to come.
B-We know what we are, but know not what we may be
C-Never make the person in your present pay for the sins committed by people from your past
Chuck71 is online now  
post #95 of 103 (permalink) Old 01-05-2017, 03:32 PM Thread Starter
Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2016
Posts: 88
Re: Just a very painful story and I got nobody to blame but me

Quote:
Originally Posted by Chuck71 View Post
Females love attention...... guys love sex. Yes they are traded....

If you wish to save the M...... as Yoda says

"Do or do not.... there is no try"
Got it. And yes I am actually not being passive anymore, I am setting small goals everyday and actually meeting them! Of course it is very early still but for me every baby step is a huge step in the right direction. Yesterday for example when I got home from work, my husband appeared tired and a little cranky.. I am usually put off by it as I also had a long day at work but it is usually he who is there to listen and support me. This time, I offered to give him a foot massage and just listened to him tell me about his day. It was a small gesture but I realize I have been taking his support for granted by always letting him take care of my needs. I have been too selfish for too long. It actually makes me happy to know that I am capable of taking good care of him as well.
Itwasjustafantasy is offline  
post #96 of 103 (permalink) Old 01-05-2017, 09:10 PM
Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2016
Posts: 597
Re: Just a very painful story and I got nobody to blame but me

Just put one foot in front of the other and soon you will be making your goal.

Sorry, watched frosty with the kids over the holidays.
ABHale is offline  
post #97 of 103 (permalink) Old 01-07-2017, 10:09 AM Thread Starter
Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2016
Posts: 88
Re: Just a very painful story and I got nobody to blame but me

Quote:
Originally Posted by straightshooter View Post

How about
(1) getting rid of the smartphone and getting a phone that you can only call on in an emergency
(2) putting a keylogger on your computer

I'm going to say it again. This throwing up the hands in the air by a BH and hoping for the best does not produce good results for a serial cheater ( you are almost there) or a compulsive liar.
I addressed the suggestion of a polygraph earlier and it is definetely something that will get done.
I had a talk with my husband and he said he thinks a polygraph is a good idea to be done in about 6 months.
Next we talked about my smartphone. The truth is this is one device that I use for work also (when I am allowed to work from home or during my very long commute I can check emails, etc). So I will keep my phone.
My husband's thinking is that he wants me to be with him because I genuinely want to be with him, not because he has made a threat or given me an ultimatum. I explained to him that I want to be accountable for my actions and we agreed that installing a monitoring software on my phone would be a good idea. Also, installing a keylogger in our home computer. I do not have any other devices for personal use and while I have access to computers at work, none are for my personal use as they are shared with colleagues.

So, I did a bit of research and found one cell phone remote spy and monitoring software that is a bit pricey but would be worth every penny. It has a multitude of features. I had mentioned before that I am no longer on facebook but I do still have instagram and I use it only to follow some people (all females and one gay male) that I find to be positive role models who post inspirational stuff. Because I'd really like to keep this one app,which I do not use and have never used as a social platform as I do not post any pictures of myself or have any followers, then by having the monitoring software my husband would not have to worry about any inappropriate activity on my part.

My biggest issue remains the emptines that is within me and all the wrong ways I have tried to fill that void. I know that doing good things for myself and my loved ones is what will make all these seeking for attention and validation unnecessary. I have been a good enough mother but when it comes to being a good wife I have a long way to go. But I am not giving up, my marriage hasn't been perfect but it would be a shame to throw it all away due to my selfish behavior. Besides coming up with ideas of fun things my husband and I can do together (something I had largely left fo him to do), I am looking into volunteer opportunities. When I was younger I used to do a lot of animals rights and child advocacy activism which I found incredibly fulfilling. I need to get back to it so I can actually feel some pride in myself and filling that void with in a healthy manner.
Itwasjustafantasy is offline  
post #98 of 103 (permalink) Old 01-07-2017, 12:48 PM
Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2015
Location: USA
Posts: 723
Re: Just a very painful story and I got nobody to blame but me

Quote:
Originally Posted by Itwasjustafantasy View Post
I addressed the suggestion of a polygraph earlier and it is definetely something that will get done.
I had a talk with my husband and he said he thinks a polygraph is a good idea to be done in about 6 months.
Next we talked about my smartphone. The truth is this is one device that I use for work also (when I am allowed to work from home or during my very long commute I can check emails, etc). So I will keep my phone.
My husband's thinking is that he wants me to be with him because I genuinely want to be with him, not because he has made a threat or given me an ultimatum. I explained to him that I want to be accountable for my actions and we agreed that installing a monitoring software on my phone would be a good idea. Also, installing a keylogger in our home computer. I do not have any other devices for personal use and while I have access to computers at work, none are for my personal use as they are shared with colleagues.

So, I did a bit of research and found one cell phone remote spy and monitoring software that is a bit pricey but would be worth every penny. It has a multitude of features. I had mentioned before that I am no longer on facebook but I do still have instagram and I use it only to follow some people (all females and one gay male) that I find to be positive role models who post inspirational stuff. Because I'd really like to keep this one app,which I do not use and have never used as a social platform as I do not post any pictures of myself or have any followers, then by having the monitoring software my husband would not have to worry about any inappropriate activity on my part.

My biggest issue remains the emptines that is within me and all the wrong ways I have tried to fill that void. I know that doing good things for myself and my loved ones is what will make all these seeking for attention and validation unnecessary. I have been a good enough mother but when it comes to being a good wife I have a long way to go. But I am not giving up, my marriage hasn't been perfect but it would be a shame to throw it all away due to my selfish behavior. Besides coming up with ideas of fun things my husband and I can do together (something I had largely left fo him to do), I am looking into volunteer opportunities. When I was younger I used to do a lot of animals rights and child advocacy activism which I found incredibly fulfilling. I need to get back to it so I can actually feel some pride in myself and filling that void with in a healthy manner.
OK, but your husband has to
(1) do the legwork to find a qualified examiner. The reason for this is because you should not have any idea when or with whom
(2) this test, whenever it is, should be unannounced and a surprise to you and if you set it up it gives you time to mentally prepare.
(3) assuming, and I emphasize assuming, that you are telling the truth about never having any physical contact, you are normally allowed around four questions, which must be yes or no answers. A 12 year old should be able to figure out what to ask you.

Your husband is correct that you should want to be with him, but right now you have a problem and him staring into space is really not helping you until you get some solid therapy. You are more liable to relapse with no monitoring than with some. yes, if you put your mind to it, there are very devious ways to cheat online but quite frankly you haven't been too creative ( FB messenger both times), so he still needs if for no other reason than to help you track what you do and help you be ACCOUNTABLE. Your husband is playing Russian roulette. Less than three weeks ago you were doing inappropriate things online after a year of doing it the first time, and apparently the only reason it did not go physical with OM1 was that that guy did not pursue it or was geographically not there because if you were chasing him for that long had he wanted to he would have been in your pants in no time. You need to own that and more importantly, so does your husband.

I got no real warning signs when my wife cheated. It always triggers me when I see BH minimizing what has occurred and hoping for the best.

Now, all that being said, what you have done is childs play compared to some of the stories on here, but, and this is the important thing, it definitely would have led to much worse. That is what your husband needs to get through his head.
straightshooter is offline  
post #99 of 103 (permalink) Old 01-09-2017, 07:22 PM Thread Starter
Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2016
Posts: 88
Re: Just a very painful story and I got nobody to blame but me

I wasn't sure whether to continue posting in this thread or in this forum at all but so far I have found it very helpful in regards to keeping myself accountable and actually taking action and not just talking about trying to do something.
For now, I would like to share about my experience with a new therapist and would like to have anyone's thoughts/ feedback.
Today I had my first counseling session with new therapist who happens to be an addictions specialist.
I explained as I much as I could within the limited time* allowed (after filling out intake forms etc). First problem was that therapist seemed to never have heard of EAs and seemed puzzled as to why I called it that to refer to my behavior.
I actually told him that though there was no physical stuff, no sharing of nude /sexual pictures on my part, etc, the fact that I was hiding it all from my husband made it an affair and inappropriate for a married person. He asked a few questions about my marriage and how I feel about it. Then he said that in his view I am not an addict and I am simply looking for someone outside of my marriage to fulfill my needs. I told him that I feel an emptiness that I do not expect anyone, including my husband, to fill it for me and that I have to work on it myself. Therapist said that actually in a marriage each spouse should be there to fill each other's needs and that in his view this is what explains why I searched for fulfillment from other men.
*I do not really know of it is fair to judge the effectiveness of this therapist based on one session. In the past,* particularly before I learned some things on TAM, I would've felt validated in that this therapist "gets my struggles." But the truth is I am disappointed, I do not know what exactly I was expecting but I was amazed at how quickly the conversation shifted from me sharing what I did on facebook to what was/is lacking in my marriage. Therapist gave some good ideas on how to reconnect and meet my husband's needs but nothing that any non therapist could've suggested.
All in all, I am a bit disappointed.
Though I do have insurance the copay is not small and I'd rather invest that money on a software monitoring system for my phone and home computer and later on a polygraph. I also would rather pay for any legal fees that may come from consulting a lawyer about a post nuptial agreement. Earlier today husband and I had a good talk about such agreement and it is something that we want to take care of promptly.
I welcome any thoughts, feedback.* Thanks.
*
Itwasjustafantasy is offline  
post #100 of 103 (permalink) Old 01-09-2017, 07:32 PM
Member
 
inging's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2016
Posts: 47
Re: Just a very painful story and I got nobody to blame but me

Quote:
Originally Posted by Itwasjustafantasy View Post
Today I had my first counseling session with new therapist who happens to be an addictions specialist.
I explained as I much as I could within the limited time* allowed (after filling out intake forms etc). First problem was that therapist seemed to never have heard of EAs and seemed puzzled as to why I called it that to refer to my behavior.
I actually told him that though there was no physical stuff, no sharing of nude /sexual pictures on my part, etc, the fact that I was hiding it all from my husband made it an affair and inappropriate for a married person. He asked a few questions about my marriage and how I feel about it. Then he said that in his view I am not an addict and I am simply looking for someone outside of my marriage to fulfill my needs. I told him that I feel an emptiness that I do not expect anyone, including my husband, to fill it for me and that I have to work on it myself. Therapist said that actually in a marriage each spouse should be there to fill each other's needs and that in his view this is what explains why I searched for fulfillment from other men.
*I do not really know of it is fair to judge the effectiveness of this therapist based on one session. In the past,* particularly before I learned some things on TAM, I would've felt validated in that this therapist "gets my struggles." But the truth is I am disappointed, I do not know what exactly I was expecting but I was amazed at how quickly the conversation shifted from me sharing what I did on facebook to what was/is lacking in my marriage. Therapist gave some good ideas on how to reconnect and meet my husband's needs but nothing that any non therapist could've suggested.
All in all, I am a bit disappointed.
Though I do have insurance the copay is not small and I'd rather invest that money on a software monitoring system for my phone and home computer and later on a polygraph. I also would rather pay for any legal fees that may come from consulting a lawyer about a post nuptial agreement. Earlier today husband and I had a good talk about such agreement and it is something that we want to take care of promptly.
I welcome any thoughts, feedback.* Thanks.
*
I like this therapist only because it is giving you something you seem to lack. Perspective.

1. You are not an addict
2. Why are you creating drama around this.
3. Get over yourself.

Lets just calm down a bit. You talked online to some guys. You fell in lust with a phantom. He told you so, so you immediately replaced him with two others. Enough already. Get over it. Stop focussing on you. Jeez

Therapist.. I got one for you


inging is offline  
post #101 of 103 (permalink) Old 01-09-2017, 08:02 PM Thread Starter
Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2016
Posts: 88
Re: Just a very painful story and I got nobody to blame but me

Quote:
Originally Posted by inging View Post
I like this therapist only because it is giving you something you seem to lack. Perspective.

1. You are not an addict
2. Why are you creating drama around this.
3. Get over yourself.

Lets just calm down a bit. You talked online to some guys. You fell in lust with a phantom. He told you so, so you immediately replaced him with two others. Enough already. Get over it. Stop focussing on you. Jeez
Thanks for sharing your opinion. And especially for that very funny video. I hate to admit but yes, for me it is as simple as stopping being on facebook and then likely the inappropriate behavior wouldn't have occurred. So that is one thing that is solved: I am no longer on facebook or other social networking media that I could use for messaging etc.
With that said, your opinion is a different one from what I have been told by some other posters. Of course everyone has their own view and I am having a bit of difficulty figuring out for myself what course of action I should take. I have to say that like others have pointed out to me, being on social media was not the problem. The problem is me, my lack of boundaries, poor self esteem, need for validation and male attention, all these are issues that I still believe I need to work on. But I do get what you are suggesting, a lot if not all of my immature and disrespectful behavior I can control and hence stop them since I am aware of its terrible consequences.
Itwasjustafantasy is offline  
post #102 of 103 (permalink) Old 01-10-2017, 01:23 AM
Member
 
inging's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2016
Posts: 47
Re: Just a very painful story and I got nobody to blame but me

Quote:
Originally Posted by Itwasjustafantasy View Post
a lot if not all of my immature and disrespectful behavior I can control and hence stop them since I am aware of its terrible consequences.

While i am all in favour of the growth a good psychologist can help us with I often see it used as an excuse to avoid a hard decision. We skip from psych to psych as the inescapable truth of our actions inevitably comes to the surface.

We really have two choices.

Continue to do the thing that we are doing and suffer for that daily
Stop doing it and face the reality of our lives, face consequences and deal it

Okay so you have stopped the source of the problem. This is the first step. The second one is to look hard at your life.

What do you do that you enjoy? Do more of it
What do you do that you dislike? Do less of it
Do you hate your job? Change it
Not like where you live? Move
Are there people in your life that you do not like? Dump them

Some of us take brutal Divorces to find this out.

You need to make radical changes for both of you . Go Burn it down and start again. You might be surprised at where you end up.
I hope you can take this journey as a couple!
inging is offline  
post #103 of 103 (permalink) Old 01-10-2017, 12:17 PM
Forum Supporter
 
TX-SC's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: Texas
Posts: 1,304
Re: Just a very painful story and I got nobody to blame but me

I think that, just like in any discipline, a therapist should regularly seek outside information to keep up with trends, jargon, and potentially new ways of acting out. Reading forums like this and SI would help ANY therapist, young or old, to see that as times change, so do our coping mechanisms. 20 years ago, online cheating was very rare. Now it's very common. Your therapist not being familiar with an EA seems like a red flag to me.

In regard to YOU, it seems like this hole that needs filling (excuse the pun) is mostly about you feeling your life is too static. You may also have a need for outside ego boosts. My recommendation is to find something else to devote your attention toward. It could be a hobby or exercise, or even volunteering. If you put your effort into being good at it, you will get your ego boost from those who appreciate it, including your husband.

At the same time, find a good therapist to help you identify why your boundaries are so I'll defined. Build up your boundaries and focus on something to better you, then your life can be fulfilling in a positive way.

Sent from my LG-US996 using Tapatalk

"You are talking about the nonsensical ravings of a lunatic mind!" Victor Von Frankenstein
TX-SC is offline  
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
Reply

Quick Reply
Message:
Options

Register Now



In order to be able to post messages on Talk About Marriage, you must first register. Please enter your desired user name, your email address and other required details in the form below.

Important! Your username will be visible to the public next to anything you post and could show up in search engines like Google. If you are concerned about anonymity, PLEASE choose a username that will not be recognizable to anyone you know.

User Name:
Password
Please enter a password for your user account. Note that passwords are case-sensitive.

Password:


Confirm Password:
Email Address
Please enter a valid email address for yourself.

Email Address:
OR

Log-in









Human Verification

In order to verify that you are a human and not a spam bot, please enter the answer into the following box below based on the instructions contained in the graphic.



Thread Tools Search this Thread
Show Printable Version Show Printable Version
Email this Page Email this Page
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search



Posting Rules  
You may post new threads
You may post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off

 
For the best viewing experience please update your browser to Google Chrome