Betrayed24

no I dont know if they used protection, I am making a doctors apt on monday for myself and making him make one as well. thank you for the support, it helps to talk about it here and hear everyones stories and advice. I am trying to stay strong for my daughter and I do but when I hear her ask for him or say she really misses daddy it breaks my heart into a million pieces, and the holidays do not help!

MrK

I got accused of being an ignorant homophobe recently, so I'll tread lightly.

Bi or gay? Doesn't matter. If he has a hankerin' for erect penis', he's going for it. Nightclubs are where you pick up people fo sex, right? Who's saying "NO" all the time in these exchanges? Women. In gay/bi relationships, there's nobody to say "no". Gay/bi men have A LOT of sex with men.

I'll give some leeway on the curiosity angle, but it doesn't look good there either. I know what it's like to cuddle and kiss people. I DON'T know what it's like to play with an erect penis. If I was curious, that's what I'd concentrate on. I'd keep the man's manly facial features out of it. Curious to suck a penis? Well, I've never done it before...

Cuddle and kiss a man? Not a chance in hell!

DeadlyNightshade

Dude, graphic!

Betrayed24

So I found more emails from them going back and forth and he only met with him once but after the fact, they have been communicating for quite some time, months and he talks about how he liked it, so if he SAYS it was to flatter this person he is kidding himself, I am sick and I am definatly out, he destroyed our family not me, and I will make a co parenting situation work for the sake of our daughter but any love or feeling, trust, anything I had for him is gone after reading all the emails... I cant put myself through a loveless (on my part) and a trustless marriage, I am only 24!!! I WONT DO IT!

lordmayhem

Get the full screening for STDs and HIV.

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Almostrecovered

I understand B24, you are, after all, very young and can start anew. We have have our own tolerances in what we can forgive and work through.

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Bartimaus

Well kids,it's a different world from what it was when I grew up.
OP's man had sex and that was with another man. It is cheating!
It appears that this thread is on the verge of becoming a point of social issues and todays morals but let me say without showing any bias to be flamed over.....I grew up in the 60's. If OP's situation had happened then,when word got to her male relatives and even some male neighbors there would have been a very good chance that OP's husband would have got beat half to death. Now, people will come to his defence. That's their business,not mine.
What would I have done if I caught my wife cheating and having sex with another woman? Or...some of the men who may read this...you know it's a different world with different values,bias,and set of rules 'sometimes' for each.
Nothing makes sense to me in this culture anymore. This guy just got married and is having sex with another man behind his wifes back. I really don't want to anger anyone but something tells me that in another 20 years...this may very well be the accepted norm in America. It makes me sick whats going on with morals in America sometimes I want to throw a brick thru my television.
OP did chose to go into a public forum with this. Yes she may be hurting. I will be plain and forward with my advice for you OP...in my opinion he will never stop this. Fact is, he has that desire. Fact is,he did this as a newly wed to you so...I don't buy that it was his first experience,,nope!. Matter of fact...you more than likely will see the day come that he wants to involve you with the two of them,he is bi-sexual!! I do feel sorry for you lady. But if you are sickened and disgusted by his behavior....you might as well move on and do the best you can.

Rob774

Keep us informed Betrayed, sorry to read you go through all of this. Just remember to stay strong, you may at times feel like giving into the temptation of keeping your family "whole" but this is a part of who your husband is... from his own words since his youth. Its not fair to always wonder everytime a new man comes around, what the level of friendship he is with your husband.

YinPrincess

Yikes. I am so sorry you are going through this. I've unknowingly dated quite a few gay/bi men in the past and I know exactly how you feel.

To be blunt, I don't think he's being completely honest with you. From my experience, straight men just don't 'experiment' (unless it's in the younger years - I hear that is actually sort of common). He's probably actually bi, or gay, worst case. It's something he's obviously ashamed of, so maybe try to keep an open mind, a non-judgmental mind, will help him expose his true feelings about it.
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Betrayed24

I think he is scrambling to keep his family together and trying to deny what he feels, so i told him if he does have those feelings thats fine I just cannot live married to a bi man, I can move on, I think he is worried about loosing his daughter so i told him i would never keep her from him bc i know she loves her daddy i would make it very easy for them to see each other, and he still denys those feelings, but i have the emails, how can u write all those emails and not mean them? I dont buy it. Thanks everyone for the comments, im going to go meet with a laywer I believe the emails over what hes telling me now

morituri

Bi-sexuality has nothing to do with it, it is the fact the he was dishonest with you from the start about his bi-sexuality and compounded it by choosing to betray you. There are plenty of bi-sexual folks, mostly women, who despite having equal sexual attraction for members of their own sex, do not engage in infidelity because they love their spouse and value their vow to forsake all others. Dishonesty and betrayal know no gender orientation.

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Betrayed24

your right I agree

MrK

That's not altogether true. There's a book about the early days of the AIDS epidemic called "When the Band Played On". Read it and then tell us that a man with a hankerin' for sex with men shouldn't be a concern to a wife. Women say "no" in the pursuit for sex. When it's all men, they line up for each other. Literally. I can GUARANTEE this isn't the only man he's had.

MrK

You're a registered user here for 15 minutes and you're already a morality cop?

Soccerfan73

Well, without getting into the sexual politics of it all, it's hard to believe a man will experiment sexually with other men unless he is at least bisexual.

The real issue in that is that he didn't tell you of his inclination when you were married.

If he had told you that from the beginning and never acted upon it with anyone, that would be one thing. But considering he did act upon it not only is it adultery, but it's also dangerous.