Betrayed24

So the other day I was on the computer under his password to email his sisters resume to her, when I stumbbled upon an email, it seemed innocent, title was "whats up" and was from joe s. I almost didnt open it but i was just being nosey and curious since i dont know who joe is, thinking it would be nothing I opening it and it felt like I got punched in the stomach and got the wind knocked out of me! I could tell it wasnt the beginning of conversations between them but they were talking about how their thanksgiving was and how they should meet up again and this joe person was giving details of what happened when they met up the first time (sick) and going on how its been so long, blah blah you get the picture. I was shocked! that he would cheat, let alone with a man!! He was across the street at his mothers house at this time and so I calming put our 2 and a half year old to sleep, and told him to come home now we have to talk, when he got home i said is there ANYTHING you have to tell me and he said no nothing and I said one last chance, still nothing, and I said so what happened in conway (by the way he goes outof town for work constanly and thats where it happened) and he was speachless, then he broke down and said he has been curious since he was younger and it was a one time thing he has felt discusted since and now knows he does not have those kinds of feelings for a man, so my ? was why keep communicating with him if u say u feel that why, he said it was stupid and just to flatter this person, i dont buy it, by the way we have been together since 2006 and just got married aug of this year, so why wait until 2 months after you are MARRIED to figure out these curiousities you have for men? This pisses me off to no end, id be gone if it wasnt for our daughter who loves him dearly he is a great dad, she asks for him all the time when he is at work and I cant bare the thought of taking her out of her home even though it wouldnt be my fault, We are going to go to counsiling but I dont know if it will change how I feel, or if I should/can forgive him, anyone else been through this with their husband? any advice?

Almostrecovered

he giving what we call trickle truth

only admitting to what you can prove

my guess is that he's bisexual and looks for men on the side of the marriage and is too afraid to admit his sexuality


1) go to your doctor and get std testing right away
2) see a lawyer about your options
3) know that MC won't work while he continues to engage in extramarital affairs

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Hope1964

I was cheated on, he was with females not males though. I am not sure how much of a difference that makes, cheating is cheating.

How much do you know about the 180, gaslighting and all that stuff as it pertains to infidelity?

Do you think he's gay or bi?

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sadcalifornian

Divorce him. This is sick.

Betrayed24

I plan on going to doc and making him go, thinking about going with him to make sure he actuallly does it, I plan on going to see a laywer already looked into it, want to work it out for our daughter but dont know if I can, Im already out the door im pretty sure. I do not know about 180 , gaslighting or any of that, I am knew to the site and infidelity (lol) i have been reading other posts and seen things mentioned I am curious what they mean. I was truly SHOCKED by this and he had to of planned this I mean he never knows where he is going for work and he is never there long so he had to plan it, and had to sit there waiting for them so he had time to think about what he was doing its not like it just happened, this is killing me!

Almostrecovered

read my newbie link for abbreviations and terms

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madwoman

DONT BELIEVE HIM!

Sorry, but do you really think this is a one time thing? Don't buy a single word.

He is giving you trickle truth. He is ashamed, and he got caught. This is very fresh, your fixin to go through so much more than you know right now.

The pain will hit you hard in the days ahead. As the truth reveals itself there will be more.

I would change his email password, and email the guy ask him for the truth. compare with your husband.

Pit-of-my-stomach

Your newlyweds, your husband is meeting random men on the internet.

What are you going to work out? hoping he just wanted to be intimate with one random man and now it's out of his system? He's keeping email momento's... That is a terrible sign.

I'm so sorry for your pain.

Edited to tone down, Apologies to OP for being inconsiderate of her pain.

krismimo

Sorry honey, I can't imagine how you feel right now. But the truth is if your newlyweds and he is having sex with other men, it is time to go. @Pitt You could be blunt but damn that stings on the border of being rude, she is in shock right now and she did say more than likley she will leave. I'm sorry your going through this.

sadcalifornian

There are fixable issues and this one is not one of them. I am very sincere in saying that he is a lost cause. I am sorry.

DG3

Wow you are not a very sympathetic person. What mean things to say to someone hurting! What if someone said these horrible things to you! You cannot and should not ever judge someone else like this. You are not in her shoes and you don't know the pain this has caused. You are also disgusting and homophobic. Get some therapy.

Betrayed24

Thanks for the advice everyone I agree, @pitt is being rude, this is supposed to be a helpful place not a place to mock peoples pain, anyway... my husband, and the emails back it up that they did not have sex basically it was cuddling, a kiss and a hand job. my husband says he did not even ejaculate because he was not aroused like he thought he would be and it all made him uncomfortable, he did it bc he was curious and he says not he is no longer bc he got it out of his system, again I am not a stupid person I take this with a gain of salt, I would think if that was the case he would cut all communication with this person but they were still emailing after this encounter.. so I dont know. I can never look at him the same, all the love I had for him is now filled with hate, from all the lies and decite. I just wish our child did not have to suffer.

krismimo

With DCG. When I first read pits post I felt the same way that is a horrible thing to say to someone when they're in need. And the shiver part was such a nice touch, epsecially since she had a kid with this man and also has been intimate. How in the world do you think she feels? Like I said before I'm sorry your going through this but like th majority said so far there are things to fix and this is not one of them. I would say file the divorce papers, get some counseling for you, and take one day at a time.

Pit-of-my-stomach

Yeah, your right. I apologize. That wasnt called for. I should have be more sympathetic. I was appalled at what people are capable of.

I am genuinely sorry that you are going through this, I can not imagine your pain. That was knee jerk and very callous of me, My sincere apologies.
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sadcalifornian

Pit may have been a bit carried away, but his intention was to help OP see how disgusting his behavior truly is. Because OP still loves her H and may desperately cling to the man she thought she loved refusing to see the true ramification of it, Pit was trying to give you some jolt to help you see things more clearly.

You mentioned the word "hate" to describe your feelings now, but what you should really worry about is whether this man can truly come back to a heterosexual relationship. I am sorry to say this, but I am very skeptical of it. This kind of tendancy does not just go away even if he tries. And, from what I hear, he is not even trying.