I dont know where to begin. I am sitting here somewhat confused which is why I am online lookiong for the "answer"..Lol
So, I cheated on my husband abt 6 mos ago - he found out by going to paste something that he thought he had copied on the PC, but ended up pasting an entire message I had wrote to the person I was having an affair with. Great. Here's where the good and bad began...
Good because that guy I was having an affair with was a mistake. completely. And bad obviously due to my husband finding this out in a worst possible way while I was at work..
So, we hashed it out majorly, some pretty rough, turbulant times going over the occurance(s) and why and how, and how horrible I am/was/etc. The grief, the guilt, the pain, the loss of the things I was doing which obv caused some enjoyment or I wouldnt have been doing it in the first place..
And my Hb decided to stay with me and that we would work on things. And we have been doing so for 6 mos... However, this is the problem. He cannot forgive me.
We can have a great day, or a great week, or we can be just okay and getting along and then....suddenly, out of th eblue in my opinion, he's depressed, which causes or turns into anger, and he's lashing out at me, or snod remarks etc. When all I have been doing is being me, living our life, working, being mom, etc, meanign I havent done anything wrong that day he lashes out on me, or even that week, etc. I just dont think it is fair that if he chose to stay in this relationship and if I am not doing anythign wrong, I am being honest and a good wife and mom, I dont think it's fair that he can just be mean over something that happened 6 mos ago that I cannot erase! I can never take it back, we can only move forward or really on be in today. I have tried to explain this to him numerous times, but never really listens or understands, he only sees his POV and starts yelling and guess what.. leaves. He's gone for good he says tonight, and I honestly think he means it this time. I am sad. I wish he would have left initially almost. I wish he could see that I have changed and the good that I am doing.. But anytime I want to see a girlfriend even with my kids with me, he is not okay with that. He has become CONTROLLING beyond belief, now we are divorcing because I went to my best friend's 7 yr. old son's basketball game and to her home for a few hours on his oof day. Because I intentionally did that to hurt him he says, because I knew he needed me as he is depressed, and needed me.. I';m sorry but I would like to continue somewhat of a social life outside our marriage and maybe have at least one friend!?
He is a chef and works 14 hrs a day typically and we are opposite schedules, I think all the problems stem from this. I am a FT worker, and mom the rest of the evening, and maid, then at 11:30 at night when he gets home I am expected to be a fabulous wife too, when do I ever get me time to be me and be relaxed..? Ugh sorry
So, I cheated on my husband abt 6 mos ago - he found out by going to paste something that he thought he had copied on the PC, but ended up pasting an entire message I had wrote to the person I was having an affair with. Great. Here's where the good and bad began...
Good because that guy I was having an affair with was a mistake. completely. And bad obviously due to my husband finding this out in a worst possible way while I was at work..
So, we hashed it out majorly, some pretty rough, turbulant times going over the occurance(s) and why and how, and how horrible I am/was/etc. The grief, the guilt, the pain, the loss of the things I was doing which obv caused some enjoyment or I wouldnt have been doing it in the first place..
And my Hb decided to stay with me and that we would work on things. And we have been doing so for 6 mos... However, this is the problem. He cannot forgive me.
We can have a great day, or a great week, or we can be just okay and getting along and then....suddenly, out of th eblue in my opinion, he's depressed, which causes or turns into anger, and he's lashing out at me, or snod remarks etc. When all I have been doing is being me, living our life, working, being mom, etc, meanign I havent done anything wrong that day he lashes out on me, or even that week, etc. I just dont think it is fair that if he chose to stay in this relationship and if I am not doing anythign wrong, I am being honest and a good wife and mom, I dont think it's fair that he can just be mean over something that happened 6 mos ago that I cannot erase! I can never take it back, we can only move forward or really on be in today. I have tried to explain this to him numerous times, but never really listens or understands, he only sees his POV and starts yelling and guess what.. leaves. He's gone for good he says tonight, and I honestly think he means it this time. I am sad. I wish he would have left initially almost. I wish he could see that I have changed and the good that I am doing.. But anytime I want to see a girlfriend even with my kids with me, he is not okay with that. He has become CONTROLLING beyond belief, now we are divorcing because I went to my best friend's 7 yr. old son's basketball game and to her home for a few hours on his oof day. Because I intentionally did that to hurt him he says, because I knew he needed me as he is depressed, and needed me.. I';m sorry but I would like to continue somewhat of a social life outside our marriage and maybe have at least one friend!?
He is a chef and works 14 hrs a day typically and we are opposite schedules, I think all the problems stem from this. I am a FT worker, and mom the rest of the evening, and maid, then at 11:30 at night when he gets home I am expected to be a fabulous wife too, when do I ever get me time to be me and be relaxed..? Ugh sorry