Where to go from here? - Talk About Marriage
Coping with Infidelity Relationship recovery from the destructiveness of infidelity.

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post #1 of 74 (permalink) Old 12-30-2016, 11:20 AM Thread Starter
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Where to go from here?

First time poster and have been lurking for about 10 months off and on. Of course by the name of the forum I'm sure you can guess why I'm here. I tend to ramble on so I'll try to keep this short and straight to the point as best I can only going into detail as required. Sorry for the lengthy story in advance.

Background: Husband and father of 2. Been married for almost 8 years as our anniversary is coming up in a few days. Been together for 10.

My story: Helped wife through nursing school from 2013 - 2015. During the latter half of the final semester she started taking a drug called Amitriptyline in order to help her stay focused and deal with depression. Didn't truly notice a difference in her behavior until two months later. She was always staying up late on social media, irritable, seemed anxious, increased sexual frenquency/desire. She also mentioned something about a guy at her school who tried to talk to her in a romantic way. I asked if she still had contact with him and was she okay. She said no and yes respectively (these were lies, but more on this later).

As I mentioned, by this time I realized things weren't quite right. Since I'm an IT guy, she had a problem with her iPhone where she thought she had a virus and asked me to look at it. Curiosity had gotten the better of me as I checked through her messages. Found a message from someone who I thought she stopped talking to (*Not the same person who was described earlier). The message said that she had nice breasts in which she replied thank you. This person was someone from her past that never got with her or anything, but wasn't respectful when it came to conversation. I asked her to stop talking to the person before we got married. This started a serious argument with me getting loud and calling her a *****. Our kids were in the next room. Both of our doors were closed, but she claimed that I did it in front of them. I apologized immediately, but by that time she immediately said that she had been thinking for a while that we should separate. I was floored and shocked. I didn't know where that came from. That night I left and stayed with a friend for a couple days.

I kept trying to reach out and let her know how sorry I was. She let me back in the house on the condition that I would stay in the guestroom for a month. I agreed and told her that I would do my best to keep my anger in check and not yell at her.

Strange occurrences and red flag period: One night, I came home from work and she was crying. She said that a friend online sent her a genital pic and was shocked as to why he would do that. I told her that he's a terrible friend and that she should block him because true friends don't do things like that. The following day, she told me that she sent the picture to his girlfriend and told her to tell him to stop sending genital pics. I was like well that's good that she did that, but was also scratching my head as to why she was crying over a friend that did this to her whom she wasn't that close to anyway. Another situation that occurred was a car with dark tints was following her that day. She asked if I could see her through her tinted windows and what kind of car does my ex drive (*this was a cover, but again more on this later).

She went to hangout with some girlfriends from church. She said they were all going around telling updates on their lives. When her turn came she talked about the guy from her school. Apparently this guy affected her in a way that planted a seed which was really bothering her. They talked about that situation most of the night. I asked questions like what was the guys name, are they friends online and do they continue to communicate? She wouldn't tell me the guys name, but did say that they were not friends online and again no longer communicated. Days later we went out for a drive and during the drive she mentioned that since we were separated we should date other people. And at one point even half jokingly said that if I happened to have sex with someone that she couldn't be mad about it (*deep gut wrenching feeling came over me). I was like why would I even consider that when we're married? She's like "well it's true."

We started going to a church counselor. During the meeting I mentioned that I felt that my wife was exhibiting signs of an affair to which she quickly denied. I was keeping a very detailed journal throughout the year which is something that I've never done before. I told the counselor about some of the things that happened above. The counselor told me that should be the end of it as I had no real proof. The text message that I found was just from a friend that the counselor agreed should no longer be in the picture. Also the statements about dating/sexing other people were alarming and that we needed to give it our all if we wanted this marriage to survive. She expressed how she couldn't get over me calling her a ***** in front of our kids. We agreed to work it out.

We continued on and during this time, I had a friend who was helping me get through the ups and downs. He's a family friend from church which I would later regret(in a way) telling since our wives were friends. However, because of him I started taking a look at the Amitriptyline side effects. The two side effects that stuck out were (unusual behavior and hypomania). I sent her the info that I found and she started weaning herself off of it.

D-day: While there were many red flags, I was in denial. I didn't want to believe that my wife was stupid enough to be unfaithful. I know that we had our ups and downs, but the mother of my children, the woman who I allowed to be a SAHM for about 5 years, the woman whom I loved and was still in love with....I just couldn't fathom it. By this time I had moved back to our bedroom and just happened to be laying there in the bed when my wife decided to watch a show in another room. She left her phone and thought she was safe since there was a passcode on it. However, I had the passcode and once I opened it I read messages between her and a female friend. What I read was unbelievable. Since December she was talking to a guy, fell head over heels in love with him, was pissed that he wasn't giving her the attention that she deserved at times..etc...etc. The car that was following her was the guy. I quickly locked the door and just was going through every message. My heart was racing, my head started hurting, my anger was flaring....just about every symptom that you could think of I had. Found out also that her friend was also having a PA on her husband for the past 9 months at that point.

My wife comes upstairs and realizes that the door is locked and starts pounding on the door. I told her to hold on and when I opened it she quickly ran to the phone to see if anything was there to expose her. I confronted her immediately and she said that the guy was someone from school when she was in college and not nursing school. That he always had a crush on her and wanted to be her man. They never met up, but wanted her to. She said that she already told him that she didn't want him to contact her anymore. She said that even though she had feelings for him, she didn't want to be physical with him. He just made her feel wanted/attractive. She even asked him what he was trying to gain from the situation cause a PA wasn't going down. She said that the turning point came when they discussed his ex wife and how they met when she was married and how they would meet up to have sex in another city. She divorced her husband to marry him, but then left him for someone else.

Fast forward. Once I realized that she lied about a few things I started checking up on her. I checked her online activity, her whereabouts when she was allegedly going to work and who she was talking to at all hours of the day. I confirmed that this was strictly an EA. However, this was a period of trickling truth. She had a hidden email account where she sent nude pics (*and videos which I didn't confirm until a few weeks ago). I saw the text and phone records to this one person that was exponential in Jan - Feb. I even got a copy of the messages between them. How he had her heart...blah blah blah. When I found these things I confronted her. She claimed that she blocked him on everything so there was no way for him to contact her. I asked her for the passwords to everything and she told me that she closed down that hidden account (*another lie which I confirmed recently).

During this period I had fallen into a deep depression. I had the worst experience with depression that I've ever had in my life. One weekend, I couldn't get out of bed, had crying spells, constant shaking from anxiety/fear....etc..etc. To top it all off, I was due to start a new job in a couple of weeks. I had to pull myself together. So with a ton of prayer, her getting an accountability partner and giving me access to her accounts did help to make things easier. Also her behavior was slowly returning to normal. However, things didn't end there and a new problem arrived with another male friend from the past. I'm going to post this second portion soon to get to where I am currently.

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post #2 of 74 (permalink) Old 12-30-2016, 12:29 PM
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Re: Where to go from here?

Yes, blame the medicine, Amitriptyline. The drug should be banned.

Note: being depressed and having anxiety issues often makes one susceptible to infidelity. This drug was the catalyst. It lowered her inhibitions and increased her desire for sex. Rational thoughts and facts do not change one's opinions when on this drug.

Not what do you do?

You now have a cheating wife, a lying wife and she is the mother of your children.

She needs to get off the drug. She needs to admit to her wayward ways. She needs to have a Jesus Moment. Those are very big needs. She was wounded and impaired before she got on the drugs and became worse after she took them. Can she do those "needs" for you to move forward? I have my doubts. Do you?

If she does this, you need to look at her carefully. You then need to determine if there is anything worth salvaging.

Cheating is unforgivable for most. But lying and Gaslighting her husband takes the cake. The cake that her lips ate.

Do you move out? Not if you want to "try" to bring her back to some form of acceptable mental health.

She will make the decision for you by her actions and words going forward. Tell her that the marriage is on the line. You are hanging on by a thin thread.

Ask her, "What are you going to do about this?" "If you keep lying then I have no choice but to file for divorce".

This....This is the nub of the stick that pokes me in the eye when the light of day energizes my optic nerve....SunCMars.... The Allegory of the Cave--> On this, I did a '180' and stepped out.

The Lion in Winter. Invictus..By Will, Shall... Saved from harm by my friends.
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post #3 of 74 (permalink) Old 12-30-2016, 12:35 PM
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Re: Where to go from here?

Your wife has and continues to lie to you.

Having secret email account and lying about it. Refusing to name the suspected OM. Both are her way of protecting herself and him. Both show no respect for you and your marriage.

Don't ever let her see you cry or beg for the truth. You already know the truth - she does not love nor respect you. You are Plan B. The babysitter. The ATM. The guy who fixes her car.

Now you need to figure out what you want to do for yourself and your children. Not for her.
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post #4 of 74 (permalink) Old 12-30-2016, 01:21 PM
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Re: Where to go from here?

Better get strong quick. She's been lying and gas lighting you up the wazoo.

She has inappropriate contact with another man you confront get mad then let her kick you out of the house?

If you're smart you'll quit letting her lead you around by the nose. Being weak at this time will put you in worse shape. She has control over you and your marrige so you
Will get what she gives you.

Better wake up real quick.

Expose her friend to her husband. He's probably getting the same cheater treatment you're getting.

I doubt you know the tip of the iceberg. However, you'll want to swallow her lies because you don't want to believe the unbelievable.
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post #5 of 74 (permalink) Old 12-30-2016, 03:29 PM
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Re: Where to go from here?

To a divorce attorney's office.

ETA: DNA your kids.

Virginia: "Why can't you kids leave well enough alone? Everything was fine until you started digging around."

Burt: "You sound like a Scooby Doo villain."

Last edited by GusPolinski; 12-30-2016 at 03:42 PM.
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post #6 of 74 (permalink) Old 12-30-2016, 03:37 PM
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Re: Where to go from here?

How many BHs do we have that try to make their wife's betrayal something that was out of her control. She's not a child. She's a married mother that's decided she no longer wants to be married and instead wants to wh0re around like her friend.

Don't make excuses for her actions and definitely don't down play what she's done. You have to know that it is VERY likely that she's been banging this guy for months. The sending of nude pics is to tide the guy over until they next hook up.

The constant harping about the harsh comment is to divert the cause of the marital problems from her adultery to your "abuse." You can expect her to make accusations of you being controlling as well. According to the cheater handbook, unless the husband sticks his head in the sand and accepts blame for the state of the marriage, he's controlling and an abuser.

You need to get your ducks in a row. File for D, separate the finances, she needs to get a job ASAP. No wh0ring on your dime. Also since she's the one that betrayed the marriage and family, she gets to sleep in guess bed.

I advise you also to get tested for STDs. You don't know if they're been more than one OM. Even if it was just one, you need to get checked. WW in long marriages with kids, tend to gravitate to the biggest womanizers and get VERY wanton in order to try to keep him. They're like teen girls going for the middle age equivalent of the bad boy.
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post #7 of 74 (permalink) Old 12-30-2016, 03:55 PM
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Re: Where to go from here?

Sadly, although you were wrong to call her a ******, it turns out that she is one, and a royal one
at that.

and for the life of me, I cant understand these councelors that tell you to ignore huge
red flags.
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post #8 of 74 (permalink) Old 12-30-2016, 04:07 PM
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Re: Where to go from here?

Quote:
Originally Posted by jorgegene View Post
Sadly, although you were wrong to call her a ******, it turns out that she is one, and a royal one

at that.



and for the life of me, I cant understand these councelors that tell you to ignore huge

red flags.


You are right. That counselor has to go. If they ever see another, it needs to be one that specializes in infidelity.
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post #9 of 74 (permalink) Old 12-30-2016, 05:52 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Where to go from here?

More background: Wife hit me with the I don't love you and i'm not in love with you speech. Told me she checked out of the relationship a long time ago. This was back in Feb. Also, my wife is really depressed about not having true friendships. It bothers her to see people on facebook with friends that they had from elementary/middle school. She complained about this a ton. Also, she loves having male friends better than females because men are easier to talk to and aren't driven by emotion. I've always had a problem with her having male friends and asked her to remove them from her life. She always claimed that I was too controlling in this area. I firmly believe that if there is attraction between two opposite sex friends that it could get complicated so the best thing is to just stay away. With that being said, the issue is her male friends had interests of being more than just friends which made it problematic. Any guy is willing to listen when the opportunity in the back of his mind is to jump at the chance to get with/bang you. My wife also feeds off of this attention to a degree. Now that this is out of the way let me get back to the story.

April - August
My wife and I had been trying to work things out and move forward. The thoughts of her sending pics and telling another man I love you while I'm working hard to keep the family afloat plagues me until this day. So the next few months I had to cope with this. Things were getting better. I kept tabs on her and tried to slowly wean myself off of searching through her stuff. I confirmed that she wasn't communicating with the OM anymore. Also found that the OM was a sociopath which was pretty interesting. I know that at some point I would need to try and trust her again passively and I was doing well, but then Mrs. KC asks me if i've been on her facebook account? I'm thinking what, why would you ask that? So I decided to go through her account and found messages between her and this other guy from college where the messages were deleted. I confront her again and she said this guy was nothing like the other guy. He has no interest in her and is like a brother. She deleted the messages because I wouldn't like the communication between them.
Really? I tell her that's a red flag, I don't like this and to end this friendship. The correspondence between them is just what they did that week. I said well there's nothing wrong with that, but the fact that she would even delete anything is very suspect. However, I couldn't confirm anything since the messages were deleted. I made it clear that deleting messages is never a good thing and to stop doing it for any of her friends.

Red flags: Sep - Nov
1. My wife revealed that he reached out to her and that they were talking again. He said that it was an emergency. Are you serious, I thought that we already talked about this? The emergency was a question about him having a Christian girlfriend that wouldn't go all the way with him so he wanted to inquire what Mrs. KC and I did before we got married. I quickly blurted out that is none of his business. I thought that with this "emergency" being over and that it was made clear that this friendship was an issue that you guys would've stopped talking.

2. So in some odd way, my wife revealed that not only did she still talk to him, but she also asked him if he was attracted to her in an attempt I guess to settle me. She was expecting him to say no and that they are like brother and sister, but instead he tells her the exact opposite. He says that he is very attracted to her, but that he has a wall up because she's married? So even though this didn't settle me one bit, she insists that it's okay because as long as she doesn't have feelings for him then she felt safe. Um what?

3. Wife complains that she doesn't have time to herself alot. She feels that I have bad energy (*Really, I wonder why) and requests that I stay in the guestroom and come up around 9pm so that she has time to decompress. However, this day something was going on with the kids and we were supposed to talk about how we were going to address the issue amongst other things like discussing our day. When later came, i'm sitting on the bed waiting 15 min for her to get off of the phone, texting. So then I find out she was texting him?

I try to have a calm, logical discussion with her where she understood where I came from when I expressed my issue with this friendship. She said that she could see how this could grow into a problem later on the more she connected on a certain level. Even though it was going to be hard to let this friendship go she was okay with it. She calls OM when I wasn't around and says I have to let this friendship go, when asked why she says cause "Mr KC feels threatened by you"? This started a serious argument of course. I questioned her reasoning for saying that after all we discussed and she's like why not because it's true?
We go to the counselor at the end of Oct. I made the appointment because I wanted the OM gone and was tired of being second in my household to somebody who didn't pay bills there. She ends up talking about why she believes that we were having issues in the marriage. Her explanation is that we didn't know how to communicate and that these other issues that have occurred are just symptoms of the bigger problem. I rage and call her out in front of the counselor "lets call a spade a spade". There is another man in the picture and you won't let him go in addition to the problems listed above. Counselor agrees that the other man is an issue and should be removed. We leave counseling session, wife wants to separate for a month because she's pissed. I turn whiny asking why do you want to leave?

She tells OM everything, including the fact that she checked out the relationship a long time ago. OM goes oh no. She says that she wants to separate. OM makes his move by saying "Well I've always thought about dating you and now that you and Mr. KC are splitting up let's go out". She claims shock and lets OM know that they can have no further contact. She doesn't block OM though. A couple days later, OM says that he is in love with her and appreciates that she helped him to grow spiritually. She waits a few days and sends him messages inquiring if he always felt that way since the beginning. He confirms, but says he was respectful and didn't try to have sex with her. She blocks on Facebook and phone, but not email. OM continues to send messages throughout holidays.

Mrs. KC tells me her version of everything. I can't believe it all now because the trust is really broken. Plus all of her correspondence with the OM is deleted with the exception of the messages that I saw in email which I asked her to explain one by one.

December
Guy she sent the nude pics to texted her when we were getting ready to head out for a date. She told me about it in an effort to ensure that there was nothing hidden at this time. I told her I wanted to see the text and she said she quickly deleted it? She entered his number to block it and that was all. A couple weeks later, she begins receiving alerts that her email account was hacked. She called me and said that it was hacked 3 times and I was listed as one of the people that accessed it last. It turns out that it was the hidden email that she created earlier this year(*yes the one that she allegedly deactivated), she accessed it from my phone and tried to deactivate because she didn't want him to contact her. I called her on it and said that it's not because you didn't want to get contacted, it's because you wanted to see what he sent you. She paused and admitted that was true, but that she did deactivate this time. Also I asked why was his number no longer blocked? She said that she figured after 3 months that he would've stopped trying to contact her? I just looked at her with that "I cannot believe how stupid you can really be right now".

It's apparent that I love my wife. I also don't believe in divorce because i'm a Christian. I want to work it out. I'm just tired of finding out about more things later on. Also, She said her church sisters are partly to blame for her lack of honesty as they told her not to reveal what happened because it would crush me. It made things a lot worse that's for sure. I told her that 100% honesty is always better than me finding out on my own. That lies are selfishness to prevent you from getting caught and nothing more.
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post #10 of 74 (permalink) Old 12-30-2016, 06:00 PM
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Re: Where to go from here?

Quote:
Originally Posted by KrapChute View Post
More background: Wife hit me with the I don't love you and i'm not in love with you speech. Told me she checked out of the relationship a long time ago. This was back in Feb. Also, my wife is really depressed about not having true friendships. It bothers her to see people on facebook with friends that they had from elementary/middle school. She complained about this a ton. Also, she loves having male friends better than females because men are easier to talk to and aren't driven by emotion. I've always had a problem with her having male friends and asked her to remove them from her life. She always claimed that I was too controlling in this area. I firmly believe that if there is attraction between two opposite sex friends that it could get complicated so the best thing is to just stay away. With that being said, the issue is her male friends had interests of being more than just friends which made it problematic. Any guy is willing to listen when the opportunity in the back of his mind is to jump at the chance to get with/bang you. My wife also feeds off of this attention to a degree. Now that this is out of the way let me get back to the story.

April - August
My wife and I had been trying to work things out and move forward. The thoughts of her sending pics and telling another man I love you while I'm working hard to keep the family afloat plagues me until this day. So the next few months I had to cope with this. Things were getting better. I kept tabs on her and tried to slowly wean myself off of searching through her stuff. I confirmed that she wasn't communicating with the OM anymore. Also found that the OM was a sociopath which was pretty interesting. I know that at some point I would need to try and trust her again passively and I was doing well, but then Mrs. KC asks me if i've been on her facebook account? I'm thinking what, why would you ask that? So I decided to go through her account and found messages between her and this other guy from college where the messages were deleted. I confront her again and she said this guy was nothing like the other guy. He has no interest in her and is like a brother. She deleted the messages because I wouldn't like the communication between them.
Really? I tell her that's a red flag, I don't like this and to end this friendship. The correspondence between them is just what they did that week. I said well there's nothing wrong with that, but the fact that she would even delete anything is very suspect. However, I couldn't confirm anything since the messages were deleted. I made it clear that deleting messages is never a good thing and to stop doing it for any of her friends.

Red flags: Sep - Nov
1. My wife revealed that he reached out to her and that they were talking again. He said that it was an emergency. Are you serious, I thought that we already talked about this? The emergency was a question about him having a Christian girlfriend that wouldn't go all the way with him so he wanted to inquire what Mrs. KC and I did before we got married. I quickly blurted out that is none of his business. I thought that with this "emergency" being over and that it was made clear that this friendship was an issue that you guys would've stopped talking.

2. So in some odd way, my wife revealed that not only did she still talk to him, but she also asked him if he was attracted to her in an attempt I guess to settle me. She was expecting him to say no and that they are like brother and sister, but instead he tells her the exact opposite. He says that he is very attracted to her, but that he has a wall up because she's married? So even though this didn't settle me one bit, she insists that it's okay because as long as she doesn't have feelings for him then she felt safe. Um what?

3. Wife complains that she doesn't have time to herself alot. She feels that I have bad energy (*Really, I wonder why) and requests that I stay in the guestroom and come up around 9pm so that she has time to decompress. However, this day something was going on with the kids and we were supposed to talk about how we were going to address the issue amongst other things like discussing our day. When later came, i'm sitting on the bed waiting 15 min for her to get off of the phone, texting. So then I find out she was texting him?

I try to have a calm, logical discussion with her where she understood where I came from when I expressed my issue with this friendship. She said that she could see how this could grow into a problem later on the more she connected on a certain level. Even though it was going to be hard to let this friendship go she was okay with it. She calls OM when I wasn't around and says I have to let this friendship go, when asked why she says cause "Mr KC feels threatened by you"? This started a serious argument of course. I questioned her reasoning for saying that after all we discussed and she's like why not because it's true?
We go to the counselor at the end of Oct. I made the appointment because I wanted the OM gone and was tired of being second in my household to somebody who didn't pay bills there. She ends up talking about why she believes that we were having issues in the marriage. Her explanation is that we didn't know how to communicate and that these other issues that have occurred are just symptoms of the bigger problem. I rage and call her out in front of the counselor "lets call a spade a spade". There is another man in the picture and you won't let him go in addition to the problems listed above. Counselor agrees that the other man is an issue and should be removed. We leave counseling session, wife wants to separate for a month because she's pissed. I turn whiny asking why do you want to leave?

She tells OM everything, including the fact that she checked out the relationship a long time ago. OM goes oh no. She says that she wants to separate. OM makes his move by saying "Well I've always thought about dating you and now that you and Mr. KC are splitting up let's go out". She claims shock and lets OM know that they can have no further contact. She doesn't block OM though. A couple days later, OM says that he is in love with her and appreciates that she helped him to grow spiritually. She waits a few days and sends him messages inquiring if he always felt that way since the beginning. He confirms, but says he was respectful and didn't try to have sex with her. She blocks on Facebook and phone, but not email. OM continues to send messages throughout holidays.

Mrs. KC tells me her version of everything. I can't believe it all now because the trust is really broken. Plus all of her correspondence with the OM is deleted with the exception of the messages that I saw in email which I asked her to explain one by one.

December
Guy she sent the nude pics to texted her when we were getting ready to head out for a date. She told me about it in an effort to ensure that there was nothing hidden at this time. I told her I wanted to see the text and she said she quickly deleted it? She entered his number to block it and that was all. A couple weeks later, she begins receiving alerts that her email account was hacked. She called me and said that it was hacked 3 times and I was listed as one of the people that accessed it last. It turns out that it was the hidden email that she created earlier this year(*yes the one that she allegedly deactivated), she accessed it from my phone and tried to deactivate because she didn't want him to contact her. I called her on it and said that it's not because you didn't want to get contacted, it's because you wanted to see what he sent you. She paused and admitted that was true, but that she did deactivate this time. Also I asked why was his number no longer blocked? She said that she figured after 3 months that he would've stopped trying to contact her? I just looked at her with that "I cannot believe how stupid you can really be right now".

It's apparent that I love my wife. I also don't believe in divorce because i'm a Christian. I want to work it out. I'm just tired of finding out about more things later on. Also, She said her church sisters are partly to blame for her lack of honesty as they told her not to reveal what happened because it would crush me. It made things a lot worse that's for sure. I told her that 100% honesty is always better than me finding out on my own. That lies are selfishness to prevent you from getting caught and nothing more.
You poor, naive fool.


Virginia: "Why can't you kids leave well enough alone? Everything was fine until you started digging around."

Burt: "You sound like a Scooby Doo villain."
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post #11 of 74 (permalink) Old 12-30-2016, 06:10 PM
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Re: Where to go from here?

You have no boundaries and are getting walked on. Excuses aren't going to help you much.

Prepare for more. She is playing you and will continue too.

The affairs are on her 100%, how you are handling yourself in this is on you.
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post #12 of 74 (permalink) Old 12-30-2016, 06:15 PM
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Where to go from here?

KC,

What is it you want? That was painful to read because we have read this so many times. And like you, many of us have lived it. On both sides.

Your wife is a cheater.

Her basic personality won't change. She craves male attention and if left alone she will bang one or more of them, if she has not already.

Trust us. She won't stop.

Last edited by blueinbr; 12-30-2016 at 06:22 PM.
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post #13 of 74 (permalink) Old 12-30-2016, 06:25 PM
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Cool Re: Where to go from here?

Your W is obviously getting exercise spreading her thighs somewhere other than the gym!

I think that it's well beyond a "Come to Jesus Meeting," as she's not only shown you that she's an accomplished adulteress, but an unconscionable liar of the very first magnitude!

Get yourself to a good family attorney's office and be appraised of both your property and custodial rights!

You deserve far, far better out of life!

"To love another person is to see the face of God!" - Jean Valjean from Les Miserables

My Story! http://talkaboutmarriage.com/going-t...andonment.html
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post #14 of 74 (permalink) Old 12-30-2016, 06:37 PM
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Re: Where to go from here?

What sort of Christian religion are you?
Her church "sisters" helping her to lie? Maybe they are cheating as well?
The counselor said that you had no real proof? Maybe he's cheating too!

You could find a new church but it would only serve to be fresh male meat for your nude selfie enthusiastic wife, she will not stop until she cures her self esteem issues from within, she needs rehabilitation from the drugs and for herself.
Only when she realises that true validation comes from oneself instead of the lust of other males, she might be able to be faithful again.

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post #15 of 74 (permalink) Old 12-30-2016, 07:28 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Where to go from here?

Quote:
Originally Posted by SunCMars View Post
Yes, blame the medicine, Amitriptyline. The drug should be banned.

Note: being depressed and having anxiety issues often makes one susceptible to infidelity. This drug was the catalyst. It lowered her inhibitions and increased her desire for sex. Rational thoughts and facts do not change one's opinions when on this drug.

Not what do you do?

You now have a cheating wife, a lying wife and she is the mother of your children.

She needs to get off the drug. She needs to admit to her wayward ways. She needs to have a Jesus Moment. Those are very big needs. She was wounded and impaired before she got on the drugs and became worse after she took them. Can she do those "needs" for you to move forward? I have my doubts. Do you?

If she does this, you need to look at her carefully. You then need to determine if there is anything worth salvaging.

Cheating is unforgivable for most. But lying and Gaslighting her husband takes the cake. The cake that her lips ate.

Do you move out? Not if you want to "try" to bring her back to some form of acceptable mental health.

She will make the decision for you by her actions and words going forward. Tell her that the marriage is on the line. You are hanging on by a thin thread.

Ask her, "What are you going to do about this?" "If you keep lying then I have no choice but to file for divorce".
She is off the drug completely. Her issues are internal for sure as she has some insecurities that she needs to resolve on her own. She is going to counseling which is a step in the right direction. I've called her out now for her unacceptable behavior. I just need to get to the point that I'm able to separate my emotions so that if she does any further wayward/questionable acts then I need to be ready to take action.
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