I wonder why spouses who are ''caught'' cheating, often scramble to make everything up to their current spouse, they fight to 'save' the marriage, etc. But, up until they were caught, they were perfectly fine to keep ignoring their partner, and cheat. Kind of makes me wonder if it's ever really genuine, when cheaters are caught.
Or they just don't want to lose their house, lifestyle, etc.
I can only speak for myself. When my husband caught me the first time back in January 2016, it forced us both to evaluate our marriage. We had to deal with my cheating and in addition to it with the status of our relationship. We both realized that our marriage had been pretty dead over many years...and things had gotten worse since we had our little girl. We had a very hard time adjusting to parenting, we let our child become the center of our world (while we pretty much neglected each other, so all the energy, time and attention went to our child. Little is we knoe how badly we were damaging our marriage). At the time I was still cosleeping with our daughter most of the time and this took away from the already very limited time we had as a couple.
So when my EA came to light we had to make some adjustments while on my end I had to reassure my husband that I would never make him responsible for my cheating. We were both largely unhappy and exhausted (working full time jobs, extremely long commutes to work, very little alone time, etc) and we figured that after so many years of marriage that is just how things would be...very little fun, passion, etc The key difference is that my husband found some healthy ways of coping (going to the gym, visitng his family, etc) while I became depressed, isolated and eventually engaged in EAs.
We have chosen to reconciliate. Why? Because we had a good marriageat one time. We both stopped nurturing it and we both still believe we can try. We also have a young child. Finally, we are working on a postnuptial agreement. I am not a vindictive person, we have a child together. Why in the world would I want to go out of my way to hurt him any further should he decided to divorce me? I have a master's degree, a very stable job, our house will be paid off in less than 10 years, I have excellent benefits which cover both my husband and child, I grew up in a third world country and I am not afraid of living in poverty. My husband is largely responsible for carefully managing our finances and so we put aay the maximum allowed per paycheck towards retirement and pension. If we were to divorce I would gladly give him whatever will allow him to maintain his current lifestyle. He is the father of my child. I need him to stay sane and as stress free as possible to be able to care for himself and thus our child.
Ultimately as much hurt as I have caused him through my cheating, I know deep down I love him. I know that I can step up and become the wife he deserves. And I am beyond grateful that he is giving me another chance.