I am a hurt Husband not sure what to do
I am totally confused and can't think straight. So far we had been married for 21 years, about 8 years ago, she told me the I love you and not in love with you speech. I was devastated and started being nice to her and acknowledged that I wasn't the best husband but will show my love for her. She refused any counseling. Throughout the years we kinda made up, but still had some arguments and resentments toward each other. I had asked if there was anyone else, she said no at the time. She leaves for work at 7 am go to gym after work and comes home around 8:30 pm. She comes home between 9 and 9:30 pm every weekday now since summer. My strong gut feeling told me something is going on, I asked her and she assured me nothing was going on. She would kiss me and hug me before and work and when she comes home. Early November 2011, I went by her work in the morning and did not see her car, I called her and she said that she was at work and while on the phone she was pretending to say hi to her coworkers, I told her I did not see her car, she paused and said that she is in front of a store in a strip mall. I met her there. My knee jerk reaction was furious, I asked her angrily who she was meeting, why she lied, I never trusted you. She said she was just sitting in the car smoking and that she had told me that we had been over for a long time and she wanted out, but no one else involved. I told her to f*** off and I left. I then tried to make up to her the next day and gave her flowers for over-reacting. She said that it will not do any good, it is over and this will be our family's last holiday together. 3 weeks later, I found out she goes to someone's house. I continued to track her and she goes to this house quite often. I recognized the car parked in front of the house to be someone from the health club, it belongs to a male. I do not work out with her at same time as I had to be home with the children. I had not confronted her yet, not sure what to do. We have 4 children, 2 in grade school and 2 in college living at home and I love them very much, I am always home in the evening for them. They all know my wife and I have some problems, but I do not want to break this family apart. I may had lost opportunities these last 8 years to reconcile for I had not done a good job for I did not know how due to emotional roller coaster I had been in. She is very angry at me and resents me. Will someone with objective mind please tell me what I should do? I can't think straight right now. I am going to go to a counselor to help me cope with the pain, just waiting on appointment. I had lost sleep and appetite since. Any advise is greatly appreciated.