I think my last update was sometime in the early weeks of Dec.
I was doing OKAY and hopeful for the R process to finally feel like it was in effect and not False.
I had a very stressful holiday. My sons were ALL sick the first week of the holiday with colds, Only one child threw up once. Come Christmas, we opened presents with our boys then cleaned up and packed them up to go to their grandparents. i was super stressed dropping them off, it was almost a two hour drive there and back and the weather was not good either. I was stressed because every time we would have a night, or a few days off from being parents we would have a fight. Always... It had been the new norm since D-day. And I just could not do that again. We did have a small argument on the drive home but he was quick to smooth it over. I can't even recall what we argued about.
The very next day I had a terrible sinus and lung bug... Or something. I found it very difficult to breath. Something exacerbated by the fact our indoor vacuum broke in mid dec, and a broom is NOT enough for pets or toddlers. I have big area rugs too. We had no money to replace the vacuum because christmas was a little difficult. I spent most of the week we had off from the kids cuddled up on the couch or in bed. It was awful....
We also had to sand and varnish our kids bedroom floor. It was the ONLY opportunity to get it done with them gone. So day four of them being gone we got to sanding. We argued a bit because he wanted to be lazy... Or he didn't do a good enough job sanding... or I was just being a mental *****, but in that difficult time I was not being very sweet...loving, or cooperative.
Some how we got the job done!
That night I was getting texts and pictures of my three sons ALL sick with a terrible flu, we think it was Norovirus, all the tell tale signs... The grandparents got hit with it on friday and by saturday they were headed home early. The grandparents said they were over the flu. they were but they were carriers.
Sunday I had planned to host the holiday meal. I managed to DO A WONDERFUL JOB. i only got pissy at my husband once when he wasn't doing something I asked... He took it in stride.
Managed to have a beautiful meal and feel like I survived and went to bed feeling in a very good place. Till about 3 am when i started puking my guts out.... The double ended illness didn't quit for almost four days.
On the first day i was sick my husband cleaned the entire house while I slept. He also took care of me so nicely till around 2pm he says he thinks he feels it coming on him. He ran to wall greens and bought us gatoraid and got home just in time. He was JUST AS ILL AS ME for the next two days.
I was not able to eat for 3 and a half days. I lost 12 lbs in four days. he was well faster and we managed to take care of each other and TRY to monitor our kids.
We all decided to stay home this last week and focused on getting better.
The other night I was having trouble breathing again and my husband ran to the store and bought a vacuum, a new Shark. I was surprised and he said that he thought the dust was getting to me, and maybe vacuuming was going to make my breathing better. And you know what? It did...
I am not sure what the point to all this is, but he is being very genuine and caring, he is not hostile. He is loving. I am maybe finally wondering if I can allow myself to trust him. I am daring to give into REAL hope.
The holidays were good for the first time since I found out.
2016 Was not a great year, 2015 was worse besides the awesome trips my husband and i did while trying to R.
2014 was the year I found out, and I thought it was a great year...besides D-day.
2017, i don't know what it will bring. I just hope its not more misery.