After Holiday and 2nd D-day anniversary UPDATE - Talk About Marriage
Coping with Infidelity Relationship recovery from the destructiveness of infidelity.

User Tag List

 12Likes
  • 8 Post By threelittlestars
  • 2 Post By MattMatt
  • 1 Post By threelittlestars
  • 1 Post By FeministInPink
 
LinkBack Thread Tools Search this Thread
post #1 of 6 (permalink) Old 01-09-2017, 09:30 PM Thread Starter
Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2016
Posts: 594
After Holiday and 2nd D-day anniversary UPDATE

I think my last update was sometime in the early weeks of Dec.

I was doing OKAY and hopeful for the R process to finally feel like it was in effect and not False.

I had a very stressful holiday. My sons were ALL sick the first week of the holiday with colds, Only one child threw up once. Come Christmas, we opened presents with our boys then cleaned up and packed them up to go to their grandparents. i was super stressed dropping them off, it was almost a two hour drive there and back and the weather was not good either. I was stressed because every time we would have a night, or a few days off from being parents we would have a fight. Always... It had been the new norm since D-day. And I just could not do that again. We did have a small argument on the drive home but he was quick to smooth it over. I can't even recall what we argued about.

The very next day I had a terrible sinus and lung bug... Or something. I found it very difficult to breath. Something exacerbated by the fact our indoor vacuum broke in mid dec, and a broom is NOT enough for pets or toddlers. I have big area rugs too. We had no money to replace the vacuum because christmas was a little difficult. I spent most of the week we had off from the kids cuddled up on the couch or in bed. It was awful....

We also had to sand and varnish our kids bedroom floor. It was the ONLY opportunity to get it done with them gone. So day four of them being gone we got to sanding. We argued a bit because he wanted to be lazy... Or he didn't do a good enough job sanding... or I was just being a mental *****, but in that difficult time I was not being very sweet...loving, or cooperative.

Some how we got the job done!
That night I was getting texts and pictures of my three sons ALL sick with a terrible flu, we think it was Norovirus, all the tell tale signs... The grandparents got hit with it on friday and by saturday they were headed home early. The grandparents said they were over the flu. they were but they were carriers.

Sunday I had planned to host the holiday meal. I managed to DO A WONDERFUL JOB. i only got pissy at my husband once when he wasn't doing something I asked... He took it in stride.

Managed to have a beautiful meal and feel like I survived and went to bed feeling in a very good place. Till about 3 am when i started puking my guts out.... The double ended illness didn't quit for almost four days.

On the first day i was sick my husband cleaned the entire house while I slept. He also took care of me so nicely till around 2pm he says he thinks he feels it coming on him. He ran to wall greens and bought us gatoraid and got home just in time. He was JUST AS ILL AS ME for the next two days.

I was not able to eat for 3 and a half days. I lost 12 lbs in four days. he was well faster and we managed to take care of each other and TRY to monitor our kids.

We all decided to stay home this last week and focused on getting better.

The other night I was having trouble breathing again and my husband ran to the store and bought a vacuum, a new Shark. I was surprised and he said that he thought the dust was getting to me, and maybe vacuuming was going to make my breathing better. And you know what? It did...

I am not sure what the point to all this is, but he is being very genuine and caring, he is not hostile. He is loving. I am maybe finally wondering if I can allow myself to trust him. I am daring to give into REAL hope.

The holidays were good for the first time since I found out.

2016 Was not a great year, 2015 was worse besides the awesome trips my husband and i did while trying to R.
2014 was the year I found out, and I thought it was a great year...besides D-day.

2017, i don't know what it will bring. I just hope its not more misery.

threelittlestars is offline  
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
post #2 of 6 (permalink) Old 01-10-2017, 03:59 AM
Moderator
 
MattMatt's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2012
Location: England
Posts: 18,326
Re: After Holiday and 2nd D-day anniversary UPDATE

I hope 2017 will be a good year for you.

http://mygeneralblog1.blogspot.co.uk
http://mygeneralblog1.blogspot.co.uk...-cheaters.html (Be afraid UK cheaters! CheaterVille has come to the UK!
MattMatt is online now  
post #3 of 6 (permalink) Old 01-10-2017, 08:15 AM
Forum Supporter
 
arbitrator's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: Central Texas/Brazos Valley
Posts: 10,893
Cool Re: After Holiday and 2nd D-day anniversary UPDATE

The tail end of your story seems to have fostered a speck of some long-awaited optimism ~ will be praying for you and for more of that optimism to come!

"To love another person is to see the face of God!" - Jean Valjean from Les Miserables

My Story! http://talkaboutmarriage.com/going-t...andonment.html
arbitrator is online now  
 
post #4 of 6 (permalink) Old 01-10-2017, 11:12 AM Thread Starter
Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2016
Posts: 594
Re: After Holiday and 2nd D-day anniversary UPDATE

Quote:
Originally Posted by arbitrator View Post
The tail end of your story seems to have fostered a speck of some long-awaited optimism ~ will be praying for you and for more of that optimism to come!

I would say though the holidays sucked in regards to health, I felt regardless my husband was more present trying harder than I have ever seen him to make sure we were all okay. Kids and me included.

I think I was internally sabotaging positive feeling because of resentments in the beginning, but he stuck through not letting my attitude confuse him or anger him.

i ended my holidays thinking he was really wonderful, and that maybe Im just being a ***** now because I'm still mad sometimes. But I'm working through that anger.

We are choosing for now No marriage counseling. We think we may be in a place to do that in March. Ic is covered by insurance and Marriage counseling is not. But its not just financial reasons. I think Marriage counseling right now could rip open too easily festered wounds. I want those wounds to loose their sting just a little.
threelittlestars is offline  
post #5 of 6 (permalink) Old 01-10-2017, 12:15 PM
Member
 
FeministInPink's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Washington, DC
Posts: 4,742
Re: After Holiday and 2nd D-day anniversary UPDATE

Quote:
Originally Posted by threelittlestars View Post
I would say though the holidays sucked in regards to health, I felt regardless my husband was more present trying harder than I have ever seen him to make sure we were all okay. Kids and me included.

I think I was internally sabotaging positive feeling because of resentments in the beginning, but he stuck through not letting my attitude confuse him or anger him.

i ended my holidays thinking he was really wonderful, and that maybe Im just being a ***** now because I'm still mad sometimes. But I'm working through that anger.

We are choosing for now No marriage counseling. We think we may be in a place to do that in March. Ic is covered by insurance and Marriage counseling is not. But its not just financial reasons. I think Marriage counseling right now could rip open too easily festered wounds. I want those wounds to loose their sting just a little.
I read somewhere--and this was said in jest, but they always say that humor carries a small nugget of truth--that marriage counseling doesn't fix marriages, it just teaches couple to be more effective at arguing. So maybe it's not a bad idea to let those wounds start to heal a little bit first.

Have you considered seeing a pre-licensed therapist? They are therapists who have finished all their training, but need to do a certain number of hours of pre-license sessions before they qualify to practice on their own. So they are basically working under the supervision of other therapists/counselors (but those other therapists don't sit in your sessions). They are usually MUCH more affordable than a therapist who has already been licensed. My XH and I saw a pre-licensed therapist for our MC, and she was wonderful. Well, I thought she was wonderful. I don't know what my XH thought, but he chose her, so...

~Happily un-married since December 9, 2013~
FeministInPink is online now  
post #6 of 6 (permalink) Old 01-10-2017, 12:16 PM
Member
 
FeministInPink's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Washington, DC
Posts: 4,742
Re: After Holiday and 2nd D-day anniversary UPDATE

And it sucks that y'all were so sick, but I'm glad to see the optimism in your story. I hope things continue to progress in a positive fashion for you and your marriage.

~Happily un-married since December 9, 2013~
FeministInPink is online now  
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
Reply

Quick Reply
Message:
Options

Register Now



In order to be able to post messages on Talk About Marriage, you must first register. Please enter your desired user name, your email address and other required details in the form below.

Important! Your username will be visible to the public next to anything you post and could show up in search engines like Google. If you are concerned about anonymity, PLEASE choose a username that will not be recognizable to anyone you know.

User Name:
Password
Please enter a password for your user account. Note that passwords are case-sensitive.

Password:


Confirm Password:
Email Address
Please enter a valid email address for yourself.

Email Address:
OR

Log-in









Human Verification

In order to verify that you are a human and not a spam bot, please enter the answer into the following box below based on the instructions contained in the graphic.



Thread Tools Search this Thread
Show Printable Version Show Printable Version
Email this Page Email this Page
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search



Posting Rules  
You may post new threads
You may post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off

 
For the best viewing experience please update your browser to Google Chrome