Would You Leave the Dude?
Hey! New here- and quite frankly don't want to be here, but I know you all seem to understand that.
Want my story? The one that echos pretty much every other story on here? Ok!
So, I've been with my hubby for 9 years. Married for 5.5 years. Time flies. I'm 36 and he is 34. No kids, by choice.
If you knew him, you would be shocked by his behaviour. Shocked. He is so selfless, kind, gentle, generous. Or so I thought anyway! I can't look at him the same way any more. But I've let this situation drag on since a month before our wedding. Let me begin.
One month before our wedding I stumbled, innocently, across an email in his inbox. Innocently I promise! He handed me his phone to check something for him and I simply closed the email when I was done, out of habit and found myself in his inbox. It was from a girl named Lindsay. We didn't know any Lindsay's. So I said, who is Lindsay? He grabbed the phone from me, read the email and said she's my friend, you remember her and then let me read the email. It was a pretty mundane email... except she referred to me as "her". Red flag. I was being referred to in their conversations and not by name. I was "her".
Obviously I lost my mind and we got in a huge fight, but I had nothing to go on really, so the marriage went ahead. A beautiful wedding if I do say so myself! The huge fight forgotten- we seemed to be in a really good place! Fast forward one month.
I'm at work, minding my own business. Texting the day away with my husband, which was normal- just chit chatting about day to day things. All of a sudden a text comes in from him that was raunchy. Dirty. Filthy. And so entirely obviously not for me. Because it was quite clearly the second half of a full thought. The first part clearly made it to the intended recipient. I was floored. Livid. Confused. That night was filled with him denying, denying, yelling, screaming, crying (me). And eventually, like last time, I felt I had no choice but to let it go. I mean, if he wasnít going to admit it, and I couldnít get my paws on his phone, what else could I do?? I had no proof. We had just been married! I couldnít leaveÖ it was too embarrassing! And like he said, he didnít do anything! Right? Right.
Four years later I couldnít let it go. I lost it. I let that text eat at my soul for that whole time, trying to be the best wife possible (good years I should add! Good sex, career advancement, fun, laughter). But it ate at me. One night I drank too much and finally got him to admit that text wasnít for me. He was SO sorry and blah blah blah. I promised Iíd try to move on from it if he promised to not do that any more. Obviously Iím shortening this story, there are so many details but are you getting the idea? Fine. Again, I let it go.
Anyway. Present day. Iím going through a rough time with some family stuff- I needed him to be my person. And I just found out that heís at it again. Different approach this time- on his work phone using WhatsApp. But the result is still the same. And again, due to the nature of smart phones, I donít have concrete proof. He denies. I am left standing there like a fool being made to feel crazy. But I know.
So like, he will do it when we are engaged. He will do it as newly weds. He will do it when there is an illness in my family. When wonít he do it?
Did I just answer my own question?
I just donít understand. I donít get it. Iíve given him everythingÖ I take care of myself, our home, himÖ what am I missing? I canít live like this any more. Is his texting a sign of more beneath the surface? Has he had sex with this other person? Is it still the same person as it was before? Is it someone new? What does she have that I donít?
AnywayÖ is this story too vague, or do you guys get enough of the details to understand what Iím dealing with. I think I know what I should do- but Iím terrified of leaving him. I have my own moneyÖ we can sell our properties.. what am I so scared of? He is the last person I thought would hurt me in the world.