Why would anyone want to be married to someone who they have to give a polygraph to. - Talk About Marriage
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post #1 of 104 (permalink) Old 01-10-2017, 03:38 PM Thread Starter
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Why would anyone want to be married to someone who they have to give a polygraph to.

I read about this on other boards like it is a great success if their WS passes. It is too depressing for words. Talk about settling for the very least for yourself. Why would anyone settle for so little? Can you imagine telling someone, one day you will need to have this person you are about to date take polygraph, because they will have lied and abused your trust that much? Do you think they would want to date them let alone marry them? Yet people decide to try to spend the rest of their lives with people who abuse them this much. Other people encourage this, disgusting. What have we come to in society that people in these situations are not encouraged and helped to get out of them? It is a profound disgrace.

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post #2 of 104 (permalink) Old 01-10-2017, 03:47 PM
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Re: Why would anyone want to be married to someone who they have to give a polygraph

I would never spend time with someone I thought should take a polygraph, nor would I spend time with someone who wanted me to take one

I see no point in staying in a relationship without trust. Aside from that I do not believe that polygraphs are reliable.
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post #3 of 104 (permalink) Old 01-10-2017, 03:58 PM
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Re: Why would anyone want to be married to someone who they have to give a polygraph

My $0.02. It nominally proves that the WS is at least now telling the truth (in as much as you can believe a poly). It also gives them reassurance that TT has stopped (especially if the questions are broad enough, like were there more APs than A, B and C and did PIV happen).

I think that one main thing holding many/most BS back is they don't know what they don't know AND they know they don't know. Passing a poly more or less means they know everything. Maybe not all the details, but the main things.

At this point they can start to figure out if they can R or not, etc. I takes them away for what if x, y or z, to can I live with what the WS did. Gives them some knowledge, which in turn gives them power.

If you haven't been there, maybe you won't understand the power of it. Once cheated on, you really shouldn't trust anything your WS says that you can't verify. Some stuff you can't verify, or it would be really hard to do. Poly may get you there.
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post #4 of 104 (permalink) Old 01-10-2017, 04:17 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Why would anyone want to be married to someone who they have to give a polygraph

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Originally Posted by naiveonedave View Post
My $0.02. It nominally proves that the WS is at least now telling the truth (in as much as you can believe a poly). It also gives them reassurance that TT has stopped (especially if the questions are broad enough, like were there more APs than A, B and C and did PIV happen).

I think that one main thing holding many/most BS back is they don't know what they don't know AND they know they don't know. Passing a poly more or less means they know everything. Maybe not all the details, but the main things.

At this point they can start to figure out if they can R or not, etc. I takes them away for what if x, y or z, to can I live with what the WS did. Gives them some knowledge, which in turn gives them power.

If you haven't been there, maybe you won't understand the power of it. Once cheated on, you really shouldn't trust anything your WS says that you can't verify. Some stuff you can't verify, or it would be really hard to do. Poly may get you there.
I get what it is for but I think it's really reality, common sense, and logic holding the BS back and not TT, and rightfully so. Reality is, no one should stay with someone who could degrade you in such a horrible way. You know who normally take poly's criminals and ex-cons. It's a shame that a polygraph is encouraged as a way to move forward.
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post #5 of 104 (permalink) Old 01-10-2017, 04:41 PM
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Re: Why would anyone want to be married to someone who they have to give a polygraph

On a purely practical note it is very easy to fool a polygraph if you understand how they work.The original ones worked simply on body temperature,respiration and blood pressure e.g. If you were lying you would start to get warmer and begin to sweat which would lower your skins electrical resistance,then you would breathe heavier and you blood pressure would rise.This is on the same principle that getting an electric shock while wet or standing in water is far more dangerous than if you were dry.The more modern ones work on brain waves but are basically the same,they may use EECG or MRI scanners in extreme cases but they can be fooled too.If you are capable of getting yourself angry just by thinking about something or someone then you can fool any polygraph.Also if you simply give yes or no answers you don't give the operator enough to go on.
You may get the parking lot confession but that's about it.
But I fully agree with you, if you feel you need to polygraph your partner then I would just say adios.
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post #6 of 104 (permalink) Old 01-10-2017, 04:42 PM
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Re: Why would anyone want to be married to someone who they have to give a polygraph

Lol, too much time on SI?

"Our ability to feel joy is directly related to how much pain we are willing to feel." - Mavash.

"The truth is, everyone is going to hurt you. You just got to find the ones worth suffering for." - Bob Marley
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post #7 of 104 (permalink) Old 01-10-2017, 04:43 PM
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Re: Why would anyone want to be married to someone who they have to give a polygraph

Well, it would be weird for me to try and poly someone I didn't know ...
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post #8 of 104 (permalink) Old 01-10-2017, 04:59 PM
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Re: Why would anyone want to be married to someone who they have to give a polygraph

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Originally Posted by naiveonedave View Post
My $0.02. It nominally proves that the WS is at least now telling the truth (in as much as you can believe a poly). It also gives them reassurance that TT has stopped (especially if the questions are broad enough, like were there more APs than A, B and C and did PIV happen).

I think that one main thing holding many/most BS back is they don't know what they don't know AND they know they don't know. Passing a poly more or less means they know everything. Maybe not all the details, but the main things.

At this point they can start to figure out if they can R or not, etc. I takes them away for what if x, y or z, to can I live with what the WS did. Gives them some knowledge, which in turn gives them power.

If you haven't been there, maybe you won't understand the power of it. Once cheated on, you really shouldn't trust anything your WS says that you can't verify. Some stuff you can't verify, or it would be really hard to do. Poly may get you there.
Exactly. How can you make a decision to try and forgive and stay with a WS if you do not know or are unsure of what you are forgiving?

Does a BS make a decision to divorce based on suppositions? Probably not.

Does a BS make a decision to work on the marriage if they are in the dark about what the WS has done, how many times, how long it went on, who is/was AP? I could not do that.

A polygraph helps with making a decision based on facts, not suppositions or lies.
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post #9 of 104 (permalink) Old 01-10-2017, 05:03 PM
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Re: Why would anyone want to be married to someone who they have to give a polygraph

I laugh every time I see polygraph tests recommended here. They are junk science. If you get to that point, what is left to save? Plus, cheaters are accomplished liars. They've been practicing on you for a long time. I wouldn't bet $5 on the accuracy of the results.
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post #10 of 104 (permalink) Old 01-10-2017, 05:10 PM
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Re: Why would anyone want to be married to someone who they have to give a polygraph

If I recommend a poly, it's because the BS needs a slap in the face and to be convinced their spouse IS a liar. That said, how many of those of you who are saying you'd NEVER stay with someone under these circumstances have been cheated on? If you have, did you have a truly remorseful spouse?

This is just another way for you guys to spout off about how you'd NEVER stay with a cheater. Frankly it's getting kinda old. We get it - you're far far above those of us poor peons who have stayed with a cheater. You are so much better than us that we pale in your shadow.




People don't get a free pass to cheat just because their marriage sucks.

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post #11 of 104 (permalink) Old 01-10-2017, 05:15 PM
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Re: Why would anyone want to be married to someone who they have to give a polygraph

They are merely used as a way to help rebuild trust when it has been broken and both parties have chosen to reconcile. While you may not be the kind of person that would walk away after a betrayal, no matter which end of it you were on, many couples don't always want to write it off or cut their losses, so I say all the power to them. Like you, I personally wouldn't likely find myself in a situation where I would ever want the basis of trust dependent on a polygraph, but nobody is perfect and in relationships you sometimes just have to figure out what things work, so I wouldn't judge the quality of anyone elses relationship on whether one or the other subjected their spouse to a polygraph.

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post #12 of 104 (permalink) Old 01-10-2017, 05:25 PM
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Re: Why would anyone want to be married to someone who they have to give a polygraph

I like the "threat" of a poly as a tool more than the poly itself. You may be able to get a last minute confession by a potential WS.

But I agree with your overall premise, if you need to get to the point of hooking your spouse up to a machine, it may be time to call it a day.

As I suffer from some mild OCD, the results wouldn't mean much to me. Did he/she trick the machine? Was it broken? Can I trust the results? Were there other questions I should have asked? I would still be at square one, with no better piece of mind.

My story: After a night on the town with him, wife exchanged inappropriate texts with her former boss.

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post #13 of 104 (permalink) Old 01-10-2017, 05:31 PM
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Re: Why would anyone want to be married to someone who they have to give a polygraph

A poly is good for a) shock value, b) the parking lot confession, and c) ...

...actually, that's it.

Virginia: "Why can't you kids leave well enough alone? Everything was fine until you started digging around."

Burt: "You sound like a Scooby Doo villain."
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post #14 of 104 (permalink) Old 01-10-2017, 05:47 PM
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Re: Why would anyone want to be married to someone who they have to give a polygraph

They don't. People are just so afraid of change they think something will eventually change how they feel. Once you have that initial Inception, it never goes away.
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post #15 of 104 (permalink) Old 01-10-2017, 06:20 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Why would anyone want to be married to someone who they have to give a polygraph

Here is the person I have decided to spend the rest of my life and share everything with. Oh and they I also had to have take a polygraph to prove that they are truthful about how, and how many times they stabbed me in the back. Sounds like the basis for a great marriage.

I say for the person who is willing to accept this kind of life, get them help.
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