Do Cheaters prefer Married or Single Partners? - Page 2 - Talk About Marriage
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post #16 of 60 (permalink) Old 01-13-2017, 01:48 PM
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Re: Do Cheaters prefer Married or Single Partners?

Of the 3 women my husband was seriously involved with (that I know about) 2 were single and 1 was divorced.

Of his various ONS most of them were with college students so I would guess they were all single.


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post #17 of 60 (permalink) Old 01-13-2017, 02:38 PM
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Re: Do Cheaters prefer Married or Single Partners?

You are all crazy! Don't you know that they never choose, it "just happens" ?

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post #18 of 60 (permalink) Old 01-13-2017, 03:10 PM Thread Starter
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Pretty sure he was a fictional character.... Hardcore cheaters don't give a sh!t about marital status. They're sociopaths not psychopaths.
That's the reason why I kind of doubted he was real, or if he was real that he was exaggerating. The post read like a betrayed husbands nightmare scenario. You had all of these "innocent" wives that probably would never had cheated had it not been for his "game". It was a frightening post because it played on the insecurity that a lot of people have, that their well meaning spouse can be seduced away by a player or bad boy. The fact that he had done it to multiple wives made it all the more disturbing. I guess I saw it as a post purely made for shock value. But...I didn't really believe it.
I have met some "pick-up artists" in my travels, and I think they are a lot like gamblers. They only tell you about the successes, and leave out all of the attempts. One guy I knew finally admitted that what he developed was a skill at discerning early on (upon meeting a new target) whether or not she would respond to further discussions, so as not to waste his time. He also would target many women, and figure that 10% had potential to escalate, so he received a lot of rejections on a given night.
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post #19 of 60 (permalink) Old 01-13-2017, 06:56 PM
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Re: Do Cheaters prefer Married or Single Partners?

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I agree with you 100%. I am a serial wayward, who also has other male friends that are also serial waywards. Its an ugly truth but the reality is male cheaters don't really care as long as they get what they want out of it. I never really agreed with the post from that player (Bishop?) that people keep repeating around here. Certainly not saying that guys that relentlessly pursue married women don't exist, but it isn't the norm. There is no point to that. Serial cheaters don't exactly have long checklist. Basically two things on it. Is she attractive, and is she interested? Marital status isn't something that is on that checklist. If she isn't interested they won't waste anymore time on her. Simple as that.
The OM in my mess always pursued married women as his first choice. He always felt single were too much effort and competition. He felt married were easy prey and much easier to get rid of once he was bored with them. He's had years of practice and narrowed his pursuits, when he was younger he would chase anything and everything

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post #20 of 60 (permalink) Old 01-17-2017, 09:04 AM Thread Starter
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I think it is more common for cheaters to pursue other married cheaters, and also seem to be targeted by other married cheaters.
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post #21 of 60 (permalink) Old 01-17-2017, 05:56 PM
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Re: Do Cheaters prefer Married or Single Partners?

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I think it is more common for cheaters to pursue other married cheaters, and also seem to be targeted by other married cheaters.
You probably think that because that's what you and your wife did.
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post #22 of 60 (permalink) Old 01-17-2017, 05:56 PM
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Re: Do Cheaters prefer Married or Single Partners?

My ex-husband was a serial cheater. He doesn't appear to have been very concerned with marital status. The women he had actual relationships with were split roughly evenly between married and unmarried. But, then, there were a fair number whose names he didn't know or remember, and about whom he knew pretty much nothing. So, clearly, he wasn't using it as a selection criteria.

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post #23 of 60 (permalink) Old 01-17-2017, 06:59 PM
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Re: Do Cheaters prefer Married or Single Partners?

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This question came up at a lively discussion over the holidays with some military buddies. Seems (at least in our group) that most cheating spouses either preferred or just ended up with a married OM/OW. I just wonder is this the norm for non-military types as well, or does it make any difference?

There are some pros/cons either way (not forgetting that cheating in and of itself is a big Con) for the WS to consider. For our group it was considered a pro if married because the OM/OW was less likely to get clingy, fall in love, or want to stay over all the time.
Married, then all you have to do is say nice things and get great sex, all the heavy lifting is for the BS to do.
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post #24 of 60 (permalink) Old 01-18-2017, 07:03 AM
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Re: Do Cheaters prefer Married or Single Partners?

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My ex-husband was a serial cheater. He doesn't appear to have been very concerned with marital status. The women he had actual relationships with were split roughly evenly between married and unmarried. But, then, there were a fair number whose names he didn't know or remember, and about whom he knew pretty much nothing. So, clearly, he wasn't using it as a selection criteria.
That's how it is with serial cheaters. I'd bet good money that if a BS is having a difficult time getting details out of WS, half the time it isn't because they are lying or trying to hide anything. Its because the betrayal meant so little to them they honestly don't remember the details.
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post #25 of 60 (permalink) Old 01-18-2017, 07:08 AM
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Re: Do Cheaters prefer Married or Single Partners?

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That's how it is with serial cheaters. I'd bet good money that if a BS is having a difficult time getting details out of WS, half the time it isn't because they are lying or trying to hide anything. Its because the betrayal meant so little to them they honestly don't remember the details.
RH, as a serial cheater, would you consider yourself a sex addict?


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post #26 of 60 (permalink) Old 01-18-2017, 10:03 AM
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Re: Do Cheaters prefer Married or Single Partners?

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RH, as a serial cheater, would you consider yourself a sex addict?
I would say no. I think a sex addict is someone that can only focus on sex, all the time, to their detriment. I have done a lot of IC, I definitely don't think I am a sex addict. I also don't see myself as a sociopath. I do love attention from the opposite sex though, and I do get a lot of it. The rush of a new AP is honestly very addicting. If I am addicted to anything its probably that. If I had to say what is wrong with me I would say that I just don't view monogamy the way a normal person does. Which makes me a very poor choice of spouse for someone that places a high priority on monogamy, which is most people.
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post #27 of 60 (permalink) Old 01-18-2017, 02:44 PM Thread Starter
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I think it is more common for cheaters to pursue other married cheaters, and also seem to be targeted by other married cheaters.
You probably think that because that's what you and your wife did.
I wasn't necessarily referring to my personal situation, but yes most of those APs were married.
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post #28 of 60 (permalink) Old 01-18-2017, 03:07 PM
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Re: Do Cheaters prefer Married or Single Partners?

Former cheater, but mine was a specific set of instances that hopefully will never be repeated. OTOH, in my professional life, I see 3-5 marriages break down per year, of those that involve extra-marital affairs, the partners are usually married to others. Sad really.

I worked with a fellow who spent his morning trolling for moms outside his kid's school. He was divorced for a very long time, and his kid was going to a religious school. Part of his seduction technique was to befriend them, take them for coffee (he did not start work until 1PM-I know because I eventually ended up writing up the schedule), convince them that hubby was not doing the deed like he would (parochial school, pretty sexually repressive atmosphere, most of the moms were fairly repressed). He said (although I did NOT want details) that he easily scored once or twice a month. I told my wife about it, and her remark was: I wouldn't f**k him with someone else's c**t.

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post #29 of 60 (permalink) Old 01-18-2017, 03:53 PM
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Re: Do Cheaters prefer Married or Single Partners?

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I would say no. I think a sex addict is someone that can only focus on sex, all the time, to their detriment. I have done a lot of IC, I definitely don't think I am a sex addict. I also don't see myself as a sociopath. I do love attention from the opposite sex though, and I do get a lot of it. The rush of a new AP is honestly very addicting. If I am addicted to anything its probably that. If I had to say what is wrong with me I would say that I just don't view monogamy the way a normal person does. Which makes me a very poor choice of spouse for someone that places a high priority on monogamy, which is most people.

Funny how you don't mention how you betrayed people who love you. How you lacked empathy, loyalty or even the basics of keeping your word, you know honesty? Most people feel guilt with they do those things and that helps them stop. Nah in your mind your problem is how you view monogamy.

You wasted your money on IC so far.

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post #30 of 60 (permalink) Old 01-18-2017, 09:36 PM
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Re: Do Cheaters prefer Married or Single Partners?

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Funny how you don't mention how you betrayed people who love you. How you lacked empathy, loyalty or even the basics of keeping your word, you know honesty? Most people feel guilt with they do those things and that helps them stop. Nah in your mind your problem is how you view monogamy.

You wasted your money on IC so far.
The question that was asked of me was, do I think I am a sex addict. The answer in my opinion is no. She didn't ask me if I felt guilty. I wasn't going to expand and tell my life story. That would have been even more of a thread jack. I don't understand why whenever someone asks a question about a cheaters perspective, and an actual cheater answers people make posts like the one you made. You basically filled in the blanks of my story for me.
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