Do Cheaters prefer Married or Single Partners? - Page 3 - Talk About Marriage
Coping with Infidelity Relationship recovery from the destructiveness of infidelity.

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post #31 of 54 (permalink) Old 01-18-2017, 09:52 PM
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Re: Do Cheaters prefer Married or Single Partners?

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The question that was asked of me was, do I think I am a sex addict. The answer in my opinion is no. She didn't ask me if I felt guilty. I wasn't going to expand and tell my life story. That would have been even more of a thread jack. I don't understand why whenever someone asks a question about a cheaters perspective, and an actual cheater answers people make posts like the one you made. You basically filled in the blanks of my story for me.
It sounded like you were saying after lots of IC you come to realize that your problem was you didn't view Monogamy in a normal way. That obviously wasn't your biggest problem in the full context of your actions. I guess what you are saying now is you only mean in this very narrow instance? You're right about the thread jack, I just thought it was interesting that that is your perspective and you are a serial cheater. If it was your full perspective it explains how you could be a serial cheater. Maybe that is not you whole perspective though. You should post your story. End of thread jack.

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post #32 of 54 (permalink) Old 01-18-2017, 11:14 PM Thread Starter
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Not a thread jack. This thread is for cheaters (and those who know them) to comment on their experiences. If anything, it could help a potential BS to be observant of those who would target their spouse! Apparently married folks are easier to approach/convince.
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post #33 of 54 (permalink) Old 01-18-2017, 11:21 PM
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Re: Do Cheaters prefer Married or Single Partners?

MD, cheaters really prefer anyone who will stay with them after they cheat because then they can have their cake and eat it too.

Just saying.
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post #34 of 54 (permalink) Old 01-18-2017, 11:32 PM
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Re: Do Cheaters prefer Married or Single Partners?

here is the ugly truth: cheaters don't care.
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post #35 of 54 (permalink) Old 01-19-2017, 03:14 AM
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Re: Do Cheaters prefer Married or Single Partners?

It seems that the advantage with single people is that they can get away more easily for the assignations. Also, it is more likely that the assignations can occur at their place instead of having to pay for a hotel room. or borrow someone else's place.

But the disadvantages are that they have less to lose. I can imagine one f^cking with a married affair partner. But then it could have a dark and ugly ending like Matchpoint (Woody Allen's film with Scarlett Johansen.)
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post #36 of 54 (permalink) Old 01-19-2017, 06:44 AM
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Re: Do Cheaters prefer Married or Single Partners?

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It sounded like you were saying after lots of IC you come to realize that your problem was you didn't view Monogamy in a normal way. That obviously wasn't your biggest problem in the full context of your actions. I guess what you are saying now is you only mean in this very narrow instance? You're right about the thread jack, I just thought it was interesting that that is your perspective and you are a serial cheater. If it was your full perspective it explains how you could be a serial cheater. Maybe that is not you whole perspective though. You should post your story. End of thread jack.
I would post my story, but I guess I don't really see the point. It would probably trigger a lot of folks for no reason. What I mean by that is I have pretty much given up on trying to be normal, so no point in seeking advice anymore. I just keep failing and letting everybody down. At what point does one realize this is who they really are? Thats where I'm at. Its not that I don't feel guilty, its that I've failed to change so many times I've just reached the acceptance phase.
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post #37 of 54 (permalink) Old 01-19-2017, 06:54 AM
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Re: Do Cheaters prefer Married or Single Partners?

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I would post my story, but I guess I don't really see the point. It would probably trigger a lot of folks for no reason. What I mean by that is I have pretty much given up on trying to be normal, so no point in seeking advice anymore. I just keep failing and letting everybody down. At what point does one realize this is who they really are? Thats where I'm at. Its not that I don't feel guilty, its that I've failed to change so many times I've just reached the acceptance phase.
People are responsible for their own triggers, RH. You should not accept to carry that for them. It actually limits their growth if you do.

I wish you would post your story here. I know you have said you struggle. Being open and honest about it could help a lot of people, including yourself.

One of the deepest feminine pleasures is when a man stands full, present, and unreactive in the midst of his woman's emotional storms. When he stays present with her, and loves her through the layers of wildness and closure, then she feels his trustability, and she can relax. -- David Deida, The Way of the Superior Man
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post #38 of 54 (permalink) Old 01-19-2017, 07:14 AM
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Re: Do Cheaters prefer Married or Single Partners?

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That's the reason why I kind of doubted he was real, or if he was real that he was exaggerating. The post read like a betrayed husbands nightmare scenario. You had all of these "innocent" wives that probably would never had cheated had it not been for his "game". It was a frightening post because it played on the insecurity that a lot of people have, that their well meaning spouse can be seduced away by a player or bad boy. The fact that he had done it to multiple wives made it all the more disturbing. I guess I saw it as a post purely made for shock value. But...I didn't really believe it.
Really? I worked with someone very much like him a good few years ago. So he might not have been fictional.

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post #39 of 54 (permalink) Old 01-19-2017, 09:38 AM
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Re: Do Cheaters prefer Married or Single Partners?

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Really? I worked with someone very much like him a good few years ago. So he might not have been fictional.
I don't know....not saying guys like him don't exist. I just don't think they are the norm. Why would any of them ever bother to post here? Also, it seemed like a boastful post. I am a serial cheater too, but I don't post details of my exploits. What would be the point of that other than to rile people up. Clearly the post stuck, because years later people are still referring to it. I don't know....I guess every serial cheater is different. All I can say is all of that "game" he talked about in his post honestly isn't even necessary. Also half the time its the woman that pursues the affair or at the very least puts her self out there in such a way that it makes it obvious. I have long maintained that I never bedded a married woman. Well....that isn't true. The first one lied about her status. But the other two didn't. All I can say is it did NOT take a any game or a long period of flirtation, or compliments, etc. etc. There was immediate mutual sexual attraction, and we followed through on it. If anything I think sometimes we put too much emphasis on the compliments/attention aspect of why married women have affairs. For a lot of them it really is about the sex. With that said I never specifically targeted married women. But if they were interested. I didn't say no.
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post #40 of 54 (permalink) Old 01-19-2017, 09:42 AM
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Re: Do Cheaters prefer Married or Single Partners?

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I don't know....not saying guys like him don't exist. I just don't think they are the norm. Why would any of them ever bother to post here? Also, it seemed like a boastful post. I am a serial cheater too, but I don't post details of my exploits. What would be the point of that other than to rile people up. Clearly the post stuck, because years later people are still referring to it. I don't know....I guess every serial cheater is different. All I can say is all of that "game" he talked about in his post honestly isn't even necessary. Also half the time its the woman that pursues the affair or at the very least puts her self out there in such a way that it makes it obvious. I have long maintained that I never bedded a married woman. Well....that isn't true. The first one lied about her status. But the other two didn't. All I can say is it did NOT take a any game or a long period of flirtation, or compliments, etc. etc. There was immediate mutual sexual attraction, and we followed through on it. If anything I think sometimes we put too much emphasis on the compliments/attention aspect of why married women have affairs. For a lot of them it really is about the sex. With that said I never specifically targeted married women. But if they were interested. I didn't say no.
I think it could educate people.

Honest question, RH. Do you just not want to face up to what you do?


One of the deepest feminine pleasures is when a man stands full, present, and unreactive in the midst of his woman's emotional storms. When he stays present with her, and loves her through the layers of wildness and closure, then she feels his trustability, and she can relax. -- David Deida, The Way of the Superior Man
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post #41 of 54 (permalink) Old 01-19-2017, 10:00 AM
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Re: Do Cheaters prefer Married or Single Partners?

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I think it could educate people.

Honest question, RH. Do you just not want to face up to what you do?
Thats a good question, that could be part of it. But...at the same time what could it really educate anyone on? I still don't see the point of it.
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post #42 of 54 (permalink) Old 01-19-2017, 10:02 AM
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Re: Do Cheaters prefer Married or Single Partners?

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Thats a good question, that could be part of it. But...at the same time what could it really educate anyone on? I still don't see the point of it.
We could learn how a serial cheater operates, how he feels, etc. An expose.

One of the deepest feminine pleasures is when a man stands full, present, and unreactive in the midst of his woman's emotional storms. When he stays present with her, and loves her through the layers of wildness and closure, then she feels his trustability, and she can relax. -- David Deida, The Way of the Superior Man
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post #43 of 54 (permalink) Old 01-19-2017, 10:19 AM
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Re: Do Cheaters prefer Married or Single Partners?

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We could learn how a serial cheater operates, how he feels, etc. An expose.
Well when you put it that way it could help some people. I will think about it.
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post #44 of 54 (permalink) Old 01-19-2017, 11:58 AM
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Re: Do Cheaters prefer Married or Single Partners?

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We could learn how a serial cheater operates, how he feels, etc. An expose.
If I remember correctly, he began posting here after he had started counselling.

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post #45 of 54 (permalink) Old 01-19-2017, 01:08 PM
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Re: Do Cheaters prefer Married or Single Partners?

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We could learn how a serial cheater operates, how he feels, etc. An expose.
It would be good to know what red flags to watch out for when still dating.
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