: It all depends on when the affair happens. Cheating happens before the wedding day (we have seen that here), days or weeks after the wedding, months, a few years - several years. Its when opportunity happens when the stressors are there or the person was already a crappy person to begin with.
If the cheating happens before or within the first few years of a relationship – that person was ALWAYS a cheater. The relationship was doomed.
Having children is a major stressor. Even cheating during a pregnancy or soon after the birth. Some will wait until after the kids have left the nest.
When I started back with the wife, going to MC, etc. I told her that we are to work on US for the long haul, not just for our son but also not to divorce / breakup after he turns 18, etc. That *IF* WE didn’t want to be together beyond our child, his adulthood, etc – to not waste each others time.
Dating again, the chase – new “sexual interests” does stimulate the brain. I was getting the rush of making out with someone NEW. But here is the thing, at least with me – is that I’ve not had relations with a handful of women, but many. And I know what I want… and my WW is the one that turns me on the most but on top of that – the idea of another male being any sort of a “father figure” makes me ill… and I want his mother to always be *HIS* only mother.
Today, was a stressor and a good day too. We discuss our challenges that the day brought and a course of action. We talked about our feelings on the issues and worked out what needed to be done.
@Married but Happy
My response to such justifications (and not an attack, just a different way to handle things)
a) get a divorce rather than do a messy exit affair. It created drama and makes your kids and family lose respect for you.
b) finish the divorce rather than the revenge affair, which in the end – makes you NO BETTER than the cheater. It’s a childish move to do… even if *THE THOUGHT* feels good in your skull. For some, it works out – it balances out things.
c) ongoing PA can turn into EA which in turn results in someone getting divorced, kids hate you, the shame that goes with it. Want to get sex on the side, talk with SO about opening the marriage and see how that works out.
I am still on both sides of the fence of “open relationship” – but its not for everyone. I still understand the excitement of sex with a different human being… vs. the same old ball & chain year after year. Hence, it *IS* common for people in their 50s+ start doing OR as they have a long trusting relationship with someone already. They keep the marriage, the finances, the stability and get excitement on the side. But that requires mutual respect and understanding from both sides.
: bingo… many people take the easy and fun way out rather than TALK with their partner. It’s a two way street. I was getting stressed out and angry today over some mixup… a few seconds of her massaging me and telling me to be cool was enough to bring my anger down several notches.