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post #136 of 1159 (permalink) Old 01-17-2017, 11:59 AM
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Re: Wife had a 6 month "emotional affair" with a married man

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Originally Posted by Danny4133 View Post
The game of manipulation was over at that point.

How could he do this to me, me me me, all it was. That was the day I regained control.
Well done sir.....



Well done!


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post #137 of 1159 (permalink) Old 01-17-2017, 12:09 PM
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Re: Wife had a 6 month "emotional affair" with a married man

It all comes down to Cam's character. Cam, can you forgive her for having sex with another man while lying about it even after you uncovered what you thought was an EA only?
Can you over look her telling you she had "feelings" for OM and acting on those "feelings"?

I am not a proponent of staying together for the kids. It is better for them to be raised in a loving environment (even if in separate houses) than it is to be raised by parents who have nothing but anger and resentment for each other.
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post #138 of 1159 (permalink) Old 01-17-2017, 12:24 PM
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Re: Wife had a 6 month "emotional affair" with a married man

When he finds out the truth, there's no way he's going to be able to stay with this woman. After all, she never had a moment when she wanted to stop the affair, she just got CAUGHT. Now she is REGRETTING getting caught. There's no remorse here, the affair is ongoing (maybe just mentally since the OM is busted), and he's been trickle truthed horribly. OP's wife is just a typical remorseless cheater who got caught, and the info he's getting from OM's wife is going to be soul-crushing.

I just hope you have righteous anger and not crushing sadness and depression when you see the truth. The anger will help you, the other will set you back into a world of hurt.

Get angry, Cam. ANGRY. And TAKE ACTION.
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post #139 of 1159 (permalink) Old 01-17-2017, 12:39 PM
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Re: Wife had a 6 month "emotional affair" with a married man

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I like the way you think, but talk about a conflict of interest.
That is the common and legal definition of conflict of interest. She would be a biased Attorney. An attorney for both, though representing opposite sides.

In reality, there is no conflict of interest between the two BS's. It would be a collusion of interests. a confluence of interests, a connivance of interests, a conspiracy of interests

A collaboration of interests.

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post #140 of 1159 (permalink) Old 01-17-2017, 12:51 PM
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Re: Wife had a 6 month "emotional affair" with a married man

You know, thinking about it, it might well be the lies that would be a potential deal breaker for me in this type of situation.

How could a person lie to the one who should be the love of their lives?

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http://mygeneralblog1.blogspot.co.uk...-cheaters.html (Be afraid UK cheaters! CheaterVille has come to the UK!
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post #141 of 1159 (permalink) Old 01-17-2017, 01:10 PM
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Re: Wife had a 6 month "emotional affair" with a married man

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I like the way you think, but talk about a conflict of interest.
I know...but don't you love sweet justice....sometimes
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post #142 of 1159 (permalink) Old 01-17-2017, 01:20 PM
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Re: Wife had a 6 month "emotional affair" with a married man

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You know, thinking about it, it might well be the lies that would be a potential deal breaker for me in this type of situation.

How could a person lie to the one who should be the love of their lives?
And lie with a smile.
And lie with a duty romp.
And lie with a dog.
And do it for six months.
And do it in public.
And flaunt it for all to witness.

If Cam had a copper penny for each flaunt and a pound of iron for each eye-witness, he could easily cast a good size Liberty Bell.
Actually, it has been cast in Hell's furnace. Once cool, Cam should ring it in the local forest. And ring it every night at midnight, for six months.
And the Bell with tone: Be Free, Bee Free, Oh Cam-ree-On-ward
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post #143 of 1159 (permalink) Old 01-17-2017, 01:29 PM
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Re: Wife had a 6 month "emotional affair" with a married man

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Originally Posted by cam42 View Post
She said she wants to fight for our marriage and is willing "to do anything."

Any advice on what do I do next?
Take your own sweet time while you put that statement to the test.

Tell her OK; you'll give her one chance to tell you the truth about what happened. If she continues to lie, tell her you happen to know that's not true (don't tell her how you know) and then stop talking to her. Contact an attorney, start the divorce process, and put together your exit plan. If she doesn't fess up; complete your D and don't look back.

If she does tell you the truth; promise her nothing. She needs to understand what it feels like to lose her husband for cheating. That will take a few weeks to completely sink in. Tell her you need time to decide. The next few weeks will give you the chance to test her remorse.

Implement the 180; don't get emotional in front of her; don't lash out at her; don't have sex with her; separate her from your bedroom. See if she is willing to own what she did and accept all consequences. That would include transparency, acceptance of exposure, new boundaries, and convincing remorse.

After a few weeks have passed; then make your decision to R or D. If you decide to R, she needs to quit that job if the OM hasn't found another one within that time frame. That would be non-negotiable.

If you give her a second chance; make sure she earns it.

Last edited by badmemory; 01-17-2017 at 01:38 PM.
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post #144 of 1159 (permalink) Old 01-17-2017, 01:55 PM
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Re: Wife had a 6 month "emotional affair" with a married man

She is lying!!! This is a PA, full blown PA. There is no way they are not screwing. She is screwing this dude, I'm sure 100%.
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post #145 of 1159 (permalink) Old 01-17-2017, 02:07 PM
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Re: Wife had a 6 month "emotional affair" with a married man

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She is lying!!! This is a PA, full blown PA. There is no way they are not screwing. She is screwing this dude, I'm sure 100%.
The OMW already exposed the affair as a PA.

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post #146 of 1159 (permalink) Old 01-17-2017, 02:11 PM
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Re: Wife had a 6 month "emotional affair" with a married man

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Once it all starts to settle in you may hear “but I never intended to leave you” like it’s a big deal. If they value the relationship much more sex then in their mind they were remaining faithful in the things that matter. It was only sex after all. They were never going to break up the family which is what you will be doing if you get a divorce. You will be the bad guy.
What you need to come back with is sure she never intended to leave you. She had you for security, stability and all the boring husband stuff and a boyfriend on the side. Why in the world would she want to leave you? Why should she get credit for that?
Agreed.

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post #147 of 1159 (permalink) Old 01-17-2017, 03:10 PM
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Re: Wife had a 6 month "emotional affair" with a married man

I will bet next months salary that if OP sees the texts and full communication with the OM, the cheating wife will be found making disparaging remarks about the OP. That should/will be enlightening for Cam to read. He will see what she REALLY thinks about him and how much she REALLY values him.
That will be the straw that breaks the camel's back, most likely.
I'll bet if the cheating wife knows that the OMW is giving the texts/emails to Cam, she is literally shaking in her boots.
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post #148 of 1159 (permalink) Old 01-17-2017, 03:28 PM
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Re: Wife had a 6 month "emotional affair" with a married man

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Originally Posted by TDSC60 View Post
It all comes down to Cam's character. Cam, can you forgive her for having sex with another man while lying about it even after you uncovered what you thought was an EA only?
Can you over look her telling you she had "feelings" for OM and acting on those "feelings"?

I am not a proponent of staying together for the kids. It is better for them to be raised in a loving environment (even if in separate houses) than it is to be raised by parents who have nothing but anger and resentment for each other.
Even if you can forgive her do you think you can do better? In the end, will you feel like you are settling? Lots of BS, learn to forgive their spouses but grow to hate their circumstances after the pain is gone. Many then just fall out of love with their spouses and see them as broken people, people who didn't live up to their promises and who robbed them of the kind of relationship they wanted in life, plan B so to speak. Some stay for convenience some move on, but that is a lot of time wasted.

You can see many posts about this after a few years of R. Sometimes I think the R is really about the BS trying to win back their WS because of the blow it is to have them pick someone else. Once they know they got them they truly see what they have, and they don't want them anymore.

You need to think of all these things because time is the one thing that you will never get back. Forgiveness (which I advocate) is not enough, you have to live with and share your life with them. It's hard to do that if you don't respect them.

Last edited by sokillme; 01-17-2017 at 03:40 PM.
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post #149 of 1159 (permalink) Old 01-17-2017, 03:51 PM
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Re: Wife had a 6 month "emotional affair" with a married man

Oops My bad, didn't read all the thread just the opening post.

Cam,

So sorry to hear what has happened to your marriage. Everyone here knows your pain. You did awesome with how you handled the situation. So glad the OBS was able to collect all the evidence for you. That is the best way and stopping the affair, exposing it to the OBS.

So what are you wanting to do now? IMO don't make any decision quickly. It took me 11 months of living in hell to decide that D is what I wanted.
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post #150 of 1159 (permalink) Old 01-17-2017, 04:08 PM
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Re: Wife had a 6 month "emotional affair" with a married man

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I'm not sure if the wife knows I'm meeting her. I'm barely talking to her at all and don't really answer her texts. She came to sit on the bed with me yesterday while I was laying down and kept asking me if I wanted any "stimulation" and that she's so sorry and will do whatever she can to make it right. We had an active sex life before d-day so it was hard. I told her I don't want her mouth anywhere near my junk until she gets tested for stds.

She said she will tommorrow while crying. I hate seeing her cry but I knew I couldn't comfort her. I'm meeting with the other woman tonight and she's bringing me everything and the full story. I don't know if I want to divorce yet as this is very raw. I don't like being at home anymore because my wife does whatever she can to be in the same room with me and apologize. Someone suggested a ONS with the other mans wife and I couldn't help but laugh a little bit. At the moment I'd have sex with her over my wife but wouldn't go through with that.

Did anyone here have a good sex life before their WS affair? I just don't get it.
Yep great sex life and great marriage. The crowd of "only bad marriages produce affairs" have no clue as you are discovering. Sorry you are here, sorry you are in pain. What you need to do now is start the process of moving forward with your life. Many of us have great success stories of leaving bad spouses .
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