I have also read that often affair partners are downgrades physically and financially. That is the case for this one. I'm going to be filing I guess just to get the point across even though I don't want a divorce. I started hitting the gym hard over a year ago and she was receptive sexually to my hobby. This can't be happening to me. I don't want to be a part time dad I don't want to lose my wife I DON'T WANT A LIFE WITHOUT MY WIFE AND KIDS. I am panicking ****
You are in the fight of your life right now. Sadly it IS happening to you, and it happens to many, many people unfortunately. They all survive, but some better then others. A lot has to do with how much you are willing to allow someone to take advantage of you and for how long. The ones who do best get strong fast. This at least gives them some control over their lives. Control that is suddenly missing. This gives it back to you. You can not control your wife, only yourself. Right now you are still in husband mode, but she fired you. Stop trying to be. You need to be in ME mode. Don't let her continue to take advantage of you. Don't let fear take away your agency. This is part of why you are in so much pain. You feel powerless, but you are not. Your happiness is not dependent on her. Only on you. Concentrate on your mission, which is to get out of this situation and be happy again. With or without your wife.
You need to be strong, the stronger you are the better things will go for you. I know it sucks, but you need to do it fast! I also know it feels like your life is over, but it is not. This is just one of the most painful times you will have in it.
It's the beginning of emotional boot camp. See it like that, every day gets you one day stronger. If you can get through this you can get through anything. You are getting used to your new reality, but you don't have to stay in that reality. There is always better out there. Start to fight to get that better.
Right now take it one day at a time, see your wife for who she is, not who you thought she was. Harden you heart for now, and accept nothing less then respect. Give her what she deserves which right now is not much. Some say spy and try to police her but I don't think that helps. What helps is gaining control over what you can control yourself. Let her have her man if she wants him. But don't let her have you too. Don't tell her, have them file her at work. Leave you kid at her mom's and tell her mom what she did, let her Mom know that you are going away for a short time but will be back. Then go on a 2 week vacation and don't talk to her. Let her suffer for a while.
Buck up man. You will survive this, but you will be in a much better place if you work from strength not weakness. Look forward and start moving, one step at a time. And believe, YOU WILL BE HAPPY AGAIN. Anyone who goes through this can tell you that is so.