NJ: This confession of yours is so heartfelt and revealing!
I'm in no way making excuses for what my RSXW covertly and blindsidedly did to me, but now I can see that she made me a part of the equation because I grew impatiently tired of her and her dopehead, tatted thugs of hers! I developed the mantra of not listening to her because of her severe deficiency of raising these jive ass kids of hers who made me ashamed to be a part of the household and of the community!
She threw money at them for their drugs, cigarettes, and tattoos, bailed them out of jail, paid their legal expenses, bought them cars, and even bought them a flophouse to live in! She would not listen to me in my pleas for her to exercise tough-love in throwing her doped-up, goth kids out of the door and out into the cold!
Greatly to the point that I quit listening to her because she wouldn't listen to me nor our MC who also said that the kids needed to go!
No one quite had the need of having to have an ear to talk to as much as she did, as she could literally talk for hours upon end! When I quit being her sounding board, it is my theory that these two men from her past assumed that position in her life!
Like me, they didn't give a rats a$$ about her dopehead kids, or her minor investment problems ~ they gave her an open ear ~ greatly to the point that over a short matter of time, as they opened their ears to them on her trips to their venues, she opened her thighs to them, without me ever having the first damned clue as I trusted at least our fidelity for each other implicitly!
So now that Ol' Arb has put 2+2 together, I can now see that I too was to partially blame for what she did, but never to the point of ever vaguely wanting or desiring to ever cheat on her ~ more especially the way that she did to me!
Thanks, @nursejackie for your heartfelt confession that has opened my unbelieving eyes in so many ways!
-tough to put emotions into words sometimes (your descriptions however make your sentiments very clear- I always get a chuckle out of them!)
I know you know I was not in any way putting the blame on a BS, and certainly not you! I was just trying to let him know where a WW head might be. Given the right set of s#it piles......and how circumstances can make someone an easier target for a POS predator. Still and always my choice, my fault, my mess to clean up.
Your ears may have gone deaf after banging your head against the wall for so long trying to make her understand some sense...She didnt even listen to the MC's advice! It is very sad what she put you through. She sure wasnt helping her kids any either.
- exactly! I read that list of yours when you posted it before. I think that was when I realized just what a giant Turd OM was. Calculating, manipulative with one end in mind- and it wasnt handholding....I was stupid and a s#ithead myself for having such poor boundaries and falling for all that crap. I told H I wouldnt care if he went and put a bullet through the guys head...at times he'd like to- I figure it helps him to know I'd just shrug my shoulders and take his hand if he did.
...probably not the right emoticon
Cam -you dont want to cut your nose off to spite your face- you want it to APPEAR as if that is what you are willing to do..if it later seems like there is remorse and still love between the two of you- you can change your mind and try to make it work if that would be best for YOU.
It is about looking at all the opinions here and recognizing your situation is unique because the individuals are unique. My MC says it is always more difficult to divorce than to reconcile. More difficult emotionally, financially etc. and she has been divorced. She is now happily remarried but said if she had the hindsight and tools to save the first marriage she would have tried much harder looking back. Reconciliation is not for everyone just dont take it off the table yet.
I am sorry you are hurting.