What if he had desired to be with your wife when they broke no contact. Correct me if I am wrong, but isn't he the one that broke it off.
I am just don't see why they had to meet to say they wanted to stay in their marriages. Or was it to see if they want to try and make it together.
This is what many are wondering. This crap about most breaking NC is NOT a proven fact, and breaking NC in an e mail or text is a hell of a lot different than sitting and "deciding" what they want to do.
It is obvious from your posts that OM wife knew first, and she obviously did not play the "pick me game" because OM was according to her begging from the gitgo to not have her divorce him. Unfortunately for you, based on what YOU have posted, your wife would have continued, and now you have no clue which one of them initiated the discussion, if you want to call it that and if that is all it was. Remember the questions are yes/no and you asked if she had had sex with any other men. Her breaking NC was confessed before the test and you DID NOT ask if the breaking of NC and "discussion time" included anything physical. These "in person ' closure" meetings very often wind up in sex of some kind.
Lets talk about remorse Cam. it is bull crap that she has all this remorse. If you remember, this self devastation occurred for the most part AFTER she got served. before that, anyone who would call that remorse I'd like to sell a bridge to. That is why I hope you know that you smartest move to date, and there have been a number of them, was to file for divorce, whether or not you divorce or not.
Now before the reconcile at all cost crowd gets all excited, I am NOT suggesting to you what you should do regarding to D or R. Our job here is to help you think of all the pitfalls and traps so you do not wind up with another D Day.
Cam, right now your wife is a mess, as are you. And probably your kids. There is no doubt she is very sorry NOW and out of self preservation has done some things that could and should be considered positive. What you have to get through is would she have had the same demeanor had OM wanted to be with her, and how on earth if he is set loose you will feel knowing he is out there.
My guess is as long as his wife is keeping her marriage to him intact that since she played nuclear right from the start that HE will not come "fishing". if that does not happen, all bets are off, and it will start with a seemingly innocuous communication asking "how are you doing". And based upon their amicable "parting of the ways", do not bet your 401K that your wife will do the right thing and bring that communication and ask you how or if to respond.
Your wife is also dreading work, which is why she offered to quit. you need to dig on that one, and you will find out her office friends either knew it all or were suspicious. if they saw her get served, its very understandable why she is so willing to quit, as well as her knowing if she quits you get more whacked financially if you do decide to divorce. You are too smart to let her quit, and you damm well better find out who she socializes with is your "friend" or "enemy of your marriage". i am not the only one who has told you that and no response. ignore that advice at your own risk.
Cam, there are some of us who would divorce over what she has done, and some who would reconcile even if she banged him again. That is your decision. You are now in a start of a long long journey if you stay with her, and if you choose that you should make it clear in a calm way that there are no more NC breaks allowed of any kind. And I would also tell her, even if you have no intention of doing it, that you may put her in front of a polygraph examiner at some time in the future to confirm she has maintained NC. She should agree to that with no hesitation.
When you tell her what you accept and will not accept, and please do that as regards to her accountability, where she is, who she is with, then you watch what she does. The literature says that those WW that resist that and look at it as 'punishment' are more likely to cheat again. She should feel it is the least she can do to regain your trust. I can Pm you a list of what my wife did with NO imput me if you want. i do not want to interject my story here. this is about you Cam.