Hey guys I've read all the posts and couldn't thank you all more for helping me through this difficult time. You guys probably care more about my well being than my so called life partner.
Anyway the other man's wife says she has the whole story of the affair text messages, love notes, everything her husband confessed as he's begging her not to divorce him. I know I can't rely on her but having someone that's going through the same exact situation. Were supposed to have a meet up and talk all about this, he also broke contact with my wife yesterday. She said he was crying like a baby and begging her not to divorce.
So yeah she wants to meet up with me, any advice on how to go about this? Only me and her and not our spouses.
Does your wife know you are meeting the wife of OM?? My guess is OM called her and told her. You can count on some revision in her story if she thinks you are going to get the truth, or more of it.
I believe most of us believe you are going to get some really sordid details from this woman so you need to make a plan. Her husband would not be a babbling fool over an EA with no sex.
Now is the time to tell your wife she has about 30 seconds to start on a WRITTEN timeline of everything that occurred and make no promises to her about the outcome. You need that to compare to what you are told and you need it written so she cannot revise history. And now is the time to tell her that whatever she tells you will be verified by a polygraph test.
You have two positive things going for you
(1) you were smart enough to accept that if a bunch of strangers who have been through this were basically telling you the same things in different words, that the group was probably not crazy. Congratulations on being a smart guy and listening to what you most likely did not want to hear. That has greatly increased your chances of a positive outcome based on the truth, whichever way this may go.
(2) The wife of OM is not trying to rugsweeep this and is willing to fill in the blanks for you. That fact alone makes it much harder for your wife to gaslight you or minimize what she has done.
And you need to retrieve those texts and not accept from your wife that she deleted them. Then you take her phone and install the software to retrieve them.
Now it appears, as happens most of the time, that the OM has thrown your wife under the bus to save his ass. Let me remind you that it is him doing that and your wife has not been the one to come clean. Do not forget that.
If her boyfriend is no longer available Cam, now you will probably get what is most likely all sorts of apologies and swearing on everyone's grave that she is so sorry, etc. Right now that is all bull ****. She did not confess anything. She is horrified she got caught, and she is going to be hoping that by luring you with fancy talk and/or sex that you will let this go and rugsweep. DO NOT LET THAT HAPPEN.
And please, again, stay away from any marriage therapy UNTIL your know the entire truth. There is more advice you need before and if you go down that route. It can be helpful or disasterous, depending on who you see. But you do not do any of that until you know if there is anything to save.
Cam, now is the time not to backtrack and go towards the "pick me" game. Make no commitments to your wife until all is revealed. Affairs THRIVE in secrecy and fear of getting caught is what motivates that. To be parading around in public holding hands like a couple makes I am sure most of us believe you have just gotten to the tip of the iceberg.