The "problem" you're talking about is not really a problem, but a benefit. Sure, there are some who may still be hurting from betrayal, but the benefit of the collective wisdom on this site far outweighs any problems. The betrayeds here have been through the process. I've been here almost 6 years and I'm almost 7 years from DD, these threads do not trigger me as much as those who have more recent DDays. In the 6 years I've been here, I've yet to see a single story that's similar to this, that didn't go PA. Is it possible that it didn't go PIV? Yes, but it is extremely unlikely because:
1. They work together, so OM is local. In cases where an EA didn't go PA is when the OM is out of the area (out of state or out of country). They had the opportunity. I remember one story where the OM was complaining that the WW wouldn't have sex with him in the elevator! Workplace affairs are usually PA in the parking lots, or closest place that they won't be disturbed. Dates are usually in the local area as well.
2. Length of the affair - supposedly dating for 6 months now. Emotional involvement almost always ends up with physical involvement. Holding hands in public at a restaurant? Seriously? That shows familiarity and intimacy with the other person.
PA is not an absolute certainty, but it's extremely low based on what I've read for 6 years here. This is a case of Trickle Truth, and the WS will not confess more unless there is proof, and then they only confess to what the BS can prove.
Transparency is an absolute requirement for R, but at this stage, the texts will have been "sanitized" before he gets a look at them.
Quoted for truth cam42, @lordmayhem
is spot on here. Transparency at this stage is very sanitized. In other words you will see very little of what actually was said between them. Your wife is in damage control, you found out, OM dumped her, she is gauging your reaction to stop you from fleeing and she have nobody with her. Sadistic as that sounds it is the mindset of your wife at this very moment. Your wife knows if you read the actual words she wrote you won't be her husband anymore.
This is why I say you meet OM's BW, so you can have what you will need to make an informed decision. Even if you decide to reconcile, you will need to know what exactly you are actually forgiving. How do you forgive what you have no idea about? Cam42, you are very fresh into infidelity, and it's going to get so much worse for you. The pain you will feel is immense, your chest will feel crushed and that's a good day. You probably feel dead on the inside now, racing thoughts, no appetite, your heart beating out of its chest, and a pain that can hardly be described with words. We have been in your shoes, yet we all probably wish we could say different.
For now just breathe, exhale and breathe again, no decision needs to be made today. Contact an attorney, know your rights, and check your laws to see if alienation of affection or similar is on the books. You can even file for divorce and retract if you decide to, which I hate to say I would. Also check for polygraph tests and costs in your area. Find an examiner with as much expierience as possible. If you decide on a polygraph tell her the night before the test, then tell her there are five questions, question one is, did you have sex with anyone other then me since our wedding? Let her stew about the rest, your true aim is to get a parking lot confession. If you get a parking lot confession, tell her she is still taking the exam and get out of the car. She will then admit to more, that I would bet the house on.
I think every poster here is trying to help you even though you may feel overwhelmed. If you need to pm me feel free to do so and I will help in any way I can. Best of luck to you.