Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: Warm in the summer, cold in the winter
Re: Wife had a 6 month "emotional affair" with a married man
Cam, as you watch your wife's actions, do you detect remorse from her? Do you detect that she is feeling your true pain? Please be careful when you answer these questions, she could still be feeling regret. A while back I asked you to ask your wife some questions, have you? I also said not to listen to her answers, the point was to ask, to help move her towards seeing the damage she caused. A side effect of those questions can help lead one to empathy and remorse. She is now seeing exactly what her actions have caused.
Where you are now is to talk with your wife, find some answers. Talking to your wife can be both a harm and healing. Learning anything new would be devastating, I hope that doesn't happen. Talking can help to make your decision a little easier. You must still trust but verify, but by talking you may learn she is a good candidate to be offered the gift of reconciliation, or that she is a good candidate to divorce. What I'm saying is, that at some point you have to come back to the table. At some point you will have to discuss this in detail with your wife.
By all means you do this at your time schedule. For me, talking to my wife found I could offer the gift of reconciliation. She sat and answered every question I had, no matter how difficult to answer. In my opinion, sitting and realizing in front of me caused her remorse to be worse then it was previously. Discussing the affair brought all of her bad decisions to a new level, seeing my pain brought her to a new level, wondering what I would decide was at a new level.
As for why she cheated, and what that answer is, I have found there is no answer. No matter what answer people give on this thread, it's not the answer, my response of no answer included. Cam, the reality is that whatever answer is given, it will not be an answer you can accept. You can't justify within yourself as to why your wife had an affair. No matter what is said you will think there has to be more to it. That is why no answer works for me and possibly for you. The important part is that your wife recognizes what was broken in her to have an affair. That this gets repaired in IC and boundaries without exception be put in place. From there a foundation can be built, from there your wife can grow, and from there she can become a healthy spouse for you or in her next relationship. It takes hard work, and I hope your wife has it in her to become a better person so that she becomes a better mother. Your girls are going to need her, they will learn from her, and by becoming a better person I'm hoping your daughters see it can be done.
Don't believe everything you hear, and only half of what you see.
Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, today is a gift, that's why they call it the present.