I met with the OM's wife. She was nice, caring, pretty. If we weren't married I would of asked her out on a date haha, she made a remark about how she'd totally date me if she wasn't married (nice ego boost). Anyway she had all the texts emails and love letters printed out. She had a complete timeline of the whole affair, yes it was physical. The affair started as a flirtation and increased from there. She's an attorney and a pretty good one from what I've seen. The affair went on for 6 months and it started getting physical around month 3. There was no mention of them leaving their spouses, it seems as if they got off on the secrecy of the affair and thought their love was forbidden or some stupid ****. The meeting helped me more than I could ever imagine honestly, I was very thankful for it. She also expressed her appreciation for me telling her about it. We cried together cursed our spouses all of it. We talked for a few hours. The two officially have no contact and her husband already has interviews for different positions. My wife was blowing up my phone the whole time and I didn't respond. Told her I was going "out". It was nice to get all the facts.
Overall I feel better today but I'm sure I'll feel bad again tomorrow. She doesn't know if she wants to stay married yet and neither do I, both kind of in limbo. It was nice to have another woman tell me I'm attractive and didn't deserve the selfish bull**** between our idiot partners. My wife tickle truth the **** out of me and now I want to stay with her even less. If I ever get the chance I'm going to **** the other mans wife (if we both divorce) and I'm sure it'll be the best revenge **** ever. Sorry, I'm still filled with anger more than sadness. I love my wife still but I have decisions to make. She said she wants to fight for our marriage and is willing "to do anything." I've also ignored my wife since I got home, if she can't tell me the truth then whatever.
Any advice on what do I do next?
You may love your wife but you can do better. Now she wants to give your marriage a chance? The only reason you want to stay together is because of the bond. Wait, let the bond dies and it will either way, and you will be thinking clearly and you will see what a raw deal you are getting. She wants to stay together because the lifestyle you have built. She may say she still loves you but what did her actions show you about that love. The thing probably only slowed down because the other man's wife found out.
You're only 42 years old, that is a lot of life to live with someone who stabbed you in you heart.
Also if you stick around be prepared for years of pain and suffering. If you move on it takes about a year or two. Some who stick around never really get over it. Just some things to think about that no one will tell you but you can see it if you read the boards. And I suggest you read the boards. They will give you a good idea of what people are feeling in R, and after D. It is harder to heal waking up to the person who triggers you every day.
Also remember if you R you R with the woman who cheated on you for 6 months, not the woman you were married to that women doesn't exist.
Finally this may not be her first rodeo, people who do this kid of stuff usually have poor boundaries and they don't just creep in. I would talk to the friend who tipped you off too. I bet she will tell you a lot more about your wife that you don't know. Again I think she tipped you off because she knew a a lot of what was going on and couldn't take it anymore.
I know you want someone to give you hope, but your hope may not be found in a woman who could lie to your face, the father of her children for 6 months. And then turn on a dime when her circumstances changed.
There is hope, but maybe not with her.
One more thing read your first post again. Look how she took your devotion to her an used it to take advantage of you. You are going to need to remember that because she is going to be trying to do the same thing again, now with trying to get you to rug-sweep this.
I suggest you kill the devotion, she doesn't deserve it.