lou

I've used this forum often without posting, but I don't know what to do now.

My H was unfaithful, an EA and PA (just making out, 99.9% sure that's all that happened). I did the 180 with good results - he committed to me, ceased contact with the OW, gave me passwords to his email and facebook, limited access to his phone (he isn't home a lot, so he could have deleted things but I trusted him enough with the email and facebook passwords). I told him that the smallest amount of infidelity again would make me leave and never look back. I am young enough to find someone else and we have no children. I have no reason to stay besides my love for him.

I recently discovered a hidden email address and to my (not so) surprise, he was signed up for numerous dating websites. And by dating websites, I mean no strings attached sex websites. I confronted him, he said he made the profiles a while ago and never looked back... but it really doesn't matter to me, I'm out.

The question is: Do I expose him? I want to - but I'm sure it's mostly out of revenge. I am angry and want everyone to know that he's a pig, that it isn't my fault. But if I'm just walking - is there any point to it? I also never exposed to the OW boyfriend... I'm not sure if I should still do that. I probably should have originally but I stupidly didn't. I know the OW boyfriend is not a stand up guy, he has cheated on her before and is a really ****ty guy. I don't care to do the right thing for him, he's just as bad as the two of them.

Almostrecovered

it's not about revenge

it's about giving someone the facts that they need to make a more informed decision

give him the info and allow him to do as he pleases with it

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lou

I guess I also wanted to know if I should expose to his family. They are great people with a strong morality - they would be upset to know this is why we're divorcing. I have already told mine, but that's more because I've been leaning on them for support (my dad cheated on my mom often) - not to hurt him or expose him. If I told his family they would be distraught.

Almostrecovered

well imagine what he's saying about you to them then


I have no problem with "damage control", why let other people think it's your fault or worse outright lies that your husband may be telling them

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Eli-Zor

Expose to his family and hers , this prevents any future lies from either of them. Waywards have a habit of trying to rewrite history and blame the BS , you telling the truth helps counter that.
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lou

They know what happened the first time. I'm not sure how to say "Your son was looking online for sex" to an amazing family.

lou

"Where's my apology for you hacking my accounts?"

Unbelievable.
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Speed

He seriously said that?

Grayson

I wouldn't be surprised that he did, Speed.

Accusing the betrayed spouse of invading their privacy as a way of deflecting from their own wrongdoing is one of the first lines in the cheating spouse's script.
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lou

Yes. He said he wanted me to show remorse for breaking HIS trust. Anyone have any good 180 lines for this? The only thing I want to reply is either with laughter or screaming.

Shaggy

Go with laughter.
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Walt

Either laugh or just STFU.

Silence often has the best impact.

Shamwow

"I will not apologize. You had been unfaithful and I couldn't trust you. I told you the smallest amount of infidelity again would result in me being done. Did you expect me to just presume you'd tell me if you stepped out again? We're married, there should be no hidden lives. I want this to work, that's why I need to have the truth...you're on probation, consider me your PO."
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Shamwow

Btw - I got the same "invasion of privacy/hacking" bs from my stbxw, but I had already walked out by the time she saw the evidence I left for her. So my choice at that point was to not respond. Don't let it get to you, just stay firm because you are right and he is wrong. You did it because he made that your only option.
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lou

I think going dark might be my only option right now. It's incredible how even though you know they're so wrong - how their words can effect you! I know I'm not in the wrong here, but they plant these toxic seeds of doubt in your head... What a mind f..k.

Of course, I'll have to get through him removing his things from my home first...