Um an Quality I don't care if you think what I say has pointless or not. I don't care if you think that just because I wasn't married when I was cheated on I didn't feel the same pain or have to make the same difficult choice. I know my own mind and married or not I would have made the same choice, even more so since I survived the first time. Finally I am not writing to convince you. If you feel differently that's fine, but quit trying to invalidate my opinion. I have a right to it just as you have yours.
Ah, so you WERE betrayed. Explains a lot. I say this out of compassion for you: You have absolutely got
to let go of your bitterness. Not necessarily to your wayward fiancee; you've a right to be angry with her if you wish.
I know you're in a pain that I can't even imagine. I'm sure you've been in that pain for years, and your pain rises up in a righteous fire every time you see or hear anything to do with Wayward spouses. That's understandable. You were traumatized by the one person you should have been able to trust. That is an immense burden to bear. But spreading this resentment to every Wayward spouse in the world is just not healthy. You're not going to be able to love or accept another woman in your life until you recognize and understand that not all waywards are the same. Far more importantly, you need to recognize that your bitterness will not protect you from further hurt.
There is a possibility that you could meet someone you think is safe, marry her, and be betrayed again in the future. Hating Wayward spouses as a group cannot prevent that from happening. And even if the unthinkable does happen someday, your wayward wife might not be like your wayward fiancee.
What if you got cheated on, and your wayward wife confessed to you, offered to take a polygraph, gave you ALL her info, went to IC, comforted you, answered every question, never defended herself, and basically made "How to Help your Spouse" her Bible? What if she did absolutely everything right? Would you deny yourself and her the opportunity to have a marriage with someone who truly and honestly wants to help you more than anything else in the world?
True remorse is rare, but It well may be that there is no marriage partner safer than the perfectly remorseful Wayward spouse. I'm not there yet, not in any sense of the imagination. But that is my goal: to be one hundred percent safe for my BH.
Anyway, the point of this rant is that you mustn't let your bitterness hurt you anymore. Harboring resentment does nothing to protect you. It only prevents you from seeing the hope in what could lie ahead.