RT's Ultimate Affair Plan - Page 9 - Talk About Marriage
Coping with Infidelity Relationship recovery from the destructiveness of infidelity.

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post #121 of 325 (permalink) Old 02-02-2017, 02:53 PM Thread Starter
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Re: RT's Ultimate Affair Plan

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Originally Posted by MAJDEATH View Post
This post digs into probably the most talked about question on this forum: why do people cheat? Followed closely by the question: why do some people not divorce after infidelity? And I suspect that the answer to #1 directly relates to #2. I wish I knew the answers.
#1 is up next.

#2..... I know of some research that can probably shed some light on it. Additionally, some clinical reports may help to bolster the information provided.

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post #122 of 325 (permalink) Old 02-03-2017, 04:44 PM
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Re: RT's Ultimate Affair Plan

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Both my husband and I were badly hurt and betrayed by our former spouses, and I agree, they dont 'deserve' forgiveness. The reason I have learnt that we need to forgive, is that unforgiveness and bitterness is so damaging to our well being and physical and mental health.We need to do it for ourselves.

People also seem to forget that if we forgive, that doesn't mean we must remain in the marriage. I can fully understand why having sex again would be a massive issue for many, trusting again as well. Imagining them with someone else would be so painful. That's why many will leave despite the fears and challenges that come with a marriage ending.

I don't know how they can trust again, I doubt I could, so if I did stay, it would be more as house mates rather than a married couple, and is there much point in that?
I agree with much of what you say as it is pretty much the standard advice regarding forgiveness. But it doesn't work this way for everyone. First off, there are many people I have never forgiven for wronging me and I feel fine about this. These are people I do not see often or maybe not at all so the fact that I don't - and never will - forgive them doesn't hurt me in any way. I'm fine with it. I know other people that are just like me so maybe we are a minority of people but we're out here. We don't forgive "so we can feel better" because we don't hold on to the negative feelings - we just cut those people out of our lives and let the memory fade away.

The problem for me is that my wife cheated on me decades ago and I decided to stay with her but I will never forgive her. I can't cut her out of my life unless I can divorce her and completely detach from her and there are reasons this is not possible.

Being unable or unwilling to forgive someone doesn't necessarily damn you to physical & emotional torment.
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post #123 of 325 (permalink) Old 02-03-2017, 09:30 PM Thread Starter
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Re: RT's Ultimate Affair Plan

Catch up on the UAP
RT's Ultimate Affair Plan
RT's Ultimate Affair Plan
RT's Ultimate Affair Plan


Today's addition will discuss WHY individuals cheat. There will be more contributions to this subpart of the UAP. We will examine research published in the journal, Sexuality & Culture, titled "Understanding the Cheating Heart: What Determines Infidelity Intentions?"


A.) I would like to begin with a pretty explosive quote from this research. Remember, these are scientists that are working to understand behavior, not to cast judgment. Agreeing to what "should" or "should not" happen is unrealistic and often leads to an unfulfilling life. Instead, it is better to understand what does and does not happen and plan accordingly. Making full use of this information would imply that mate selection would be a more thorough process, involving an objective analysis of potential. Following mate selection, one would make better use of their emotional energy in the primary relationship, decreasing the chances of extradyadic behavior from their partner. A lot goes into nurturing the relational connection, and we can address that, in full, later. So, let's begin with our first quote (1).

Quote:
there are a few works that suggest infidelity may have some positive effects. For instance, early work by Buunk and Van Driel (1989) reports that individuals who
were involved in extradyadic relations believe that such transgressions led to personal growth and increased self-esteem. Meanwhile, Jones and Burdette (1994)
report that individuals who engage in affairs often think that their primary relationship improved due to their unfaithfulness. Finally, as suggested by Dainton
and Gross (2008), for some individuals, engaging in infidelity may be perceived as a way to maintain a relationship by providing rewards not found in the primary relationship.
In this quote, we are not seeing the reports of individuals thinking that the affair saved their relationship, via finding a catalyst. Rather, we see evidence of men and women rationalizing their extradyadic behavior. Remember from previous posts that men are more likely to cheat out of sexual "needs not being met" and women are more likely to cheat out of lack of connection/dissatisfaction. Unfaithful men, often, report that "it's just sex", or that the primary relationship is only lacking sex, creating a need for sex-only cheating. In this mindset, the man feels that his behavior is justified, even beneficial. Think about it, if he didn't cheat, he would have to leave her, or so the logic goes. Women, on the other hand, do often succumb to infidelity out of being powerless in the primary relationship, or maybe just neglected of emotional needs. In this mindset, it is more about filling in a perceived gap, or flaw, with the attention of another man.

This research paper addresses many aspects of intentions, which I find to be somewhat of a quandary. It is my opinion that "intentions" are 99% of the problem at hand. Think about how many attempts are made to commit adultery, but the individual was rejected. There was that recent blow-up of that website promising individuals a guaranteed affair until it was hacked, exposing a list of the adulterous (mostly) men and (some) women. There were many radio shows getting reports of wives having been told by the husband that they signed up, but didn't do anything as if that was no problem. Many of you are challenging me pretty hard on the topic of blame and responsibility. Again, in a few weeks of posts, most of the context will explain why I have to say these things (logical consistency). As such, we can say that the intention to cheat is almost all of the way there, implying the same need for work on the relationship and hefty work on the one with the goal of adultery in mind. The ability to cheat, with ease, does determine (predictively) cheating, being a strong correlate.

(1)

Quote:
Intentions are indicators of the degree to which an individual is willing to try and how much effort he/she is willing to make in order to perform a particular behaviour and are thus viewed as the best antecedent of actual behaviour
The problem with infidelity is that it isn't as simple as one lusting after his secretary, consciously choosing to put his marriage certificate in the shredder and jump in the sack. In the introductory post, I hinted at other realities "I tripped" and "A cry for help", meaning that a lot of the time men are completely unprepared to turn down a predatory woman, and women sometimes cheat as a cry for help - to save the primary relationship. Boundaries and Emotional Intelligence are going to be key themes in understanding what went wrong and how to ensure cheating doesn't happen again. As such, it is understandable that individuals can look at this to understand whether their current relationship is at risk for extradyadic behavior. With statistically significant correlates, we can predict infidelity when looking at a wide enough sample of individuals.

The researchers go on, presenting three hypotheses (1)

Quote:
H1: Individuals with favourable attitudes towards infidelity will have a greater intent to be unfaithful.
H2: Individuals with a social network that supports or condones infidelity will have greater infidelity intentions.
H3: Individuals who think that it is easy for them to cheat will have higher infidelity intentions.
This will help us understand the attitude towards infidelity. We will then present information that explains how attitudes imply intentions and thus creates behavioral demand. We will conclude tonight's addition by using analogies given to us by an understanding of Economics. To understand behavior, we need look no further than how individuals spend their money. We have opportunity cost, subjective value, and individually rational behavior. Why does the individual run to the Chevrolet dealer and buy a Z/28 Camaro, eagerly handing over the money? That is easy to answer, that's because the individual values the car more than the money, assuming that the car will bring more satisfaction than having the cash and continuing to hold onto it. It makes sense to him; it feels good and he is rewarded with dopamine. We also have to understand that some of the subjective value placed on the Camaro comes from society, in general. That is, he desires the car that will make him appear cool in public. An uncool car will be subjectively less valuable. The same factors are at play for those considering infidelity. One might have a lot of friends or acquaintances with positive experiences with infidelity. This adds subjective value to cheating, whereas having many very religious friends would likely deduct much subjective value, due to anticipation of judgment and feelings of guilt. They may also be encouraged to cheat, as the wife isn't holding up her end, or so it may be claimed. Looking at the three hypothesis, one may infer that there are a lot of potential warning signs that we can look for in mate selection.


I will contribute more this weekend. TBC




1: Jackman, M. (2015). Understanding the Cheating Heart: What Determines Infidelity Intentions?. Sexuality & Culture, 19(1), 72-84. doi:10.1007/s12119-014-9248-z
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post #124 of 325 (permalink) Old 02-05-2017, 01:09 PM Thread Starter
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Re: RT's Ultimate Affair Plan

Catch up on the UAP
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RT's Ultimate Affair Plan
RT's Ultimate Affair Plan

Continued from the previous post (123)

This research article discussed findings from dozens of other published research articles but also included a clinical survey of 512 individuals. Like any group of individuals, there is a lot we can learn from them, but we cannot extrapolate into other factors that weren't well-represented. This particular sample included mostly young, but well-educated individuals. They determined what factors were statistically significant (strong positive correlation with infidelity) based upon attitude, subjective norms (their environment/friends), and behavioral control, which involved perceived ease of being able to cheat.(1)

Quote:
Summing up, this paper suggests that greater infidelity intentions can be found among individuals who:
Have favorable attitudes towards infidelity
Display high levels of self-efficacy
Have a social network who would support their infidelity
Report lower levels of religiosity
Had been unfaithful in the past
To their knowledge, have never been cheated on, and;
Are male
Of those studied, 67% have been cheated on and 58% have cheated. Now I would be doing a poor job to not jump to the 5th bulleted conclusion. Does that not give credence to the "once a cheater, always a cheater" mantra? In terms of statistics across a sizeable sample, it would be something that one would be silly to not pay attention to, at minimum. That said, statistics only apply to those ........ that they apply to. If we use 10 factors to predict behavior, and we get a 90% success rate (think of Gottman's divorce prediction rates), then we can be relatively confident. What happens, then, if we use only 9 factors? The success rate would drop, implying that there are exceptions to the rule (once=always). Because of this, we can create some "exceptions" to look for to determine if someone has truly changed, or, perhaps, we can select the strongest correlates to test for. This would prove valuable to an injured (cheated-on) spouse or for an individual that is considering dating someone that they know cheated in the past. That particular development would be slated for a later date.

What I want to finish discussing about this paper is the nature of attitude towards infidelity, and a lot of this will flow well from my Economics analogy in the previous post. Keep in mind though, I am not here to make a claim that individuals have never cheated just because they are "less attractive" or because they fear punishment from others; I am not here to judge anyone, just to discuss statistics and the realities behind infidelity.

I find religion to be one of the more interesting factors here. There is no particular reason why religion should give anyone internalized morality that school or parents can't give, but the stats show, that across the sample, it has. Those that regularly attend and participate in church get wonderful lessons for life, and these are lessons that can be given anywhere, as long as we remove the religious context. If an individual grew up in an environment that had no negative light cast upon infidelity, then the only thing that exist may be decisions made in the moment. One has to learn right/wrong from somewhere and they don't pick it up from the glamorization that Hollywood casts on infidelity. A strong support structure from parents and close friends could easily fill the gap that religion occupies, per these statistics. But what about the subjective norms that correlate with infidelity, then?

I can tell you that I was often in environments that had many traditionally masculine males. Cheating was not denigrated, but promoted (at times). Because of this, many individuals feel that it isn't such a bad thing, almost as if there is no consequence to it. Even so, it is still one's responsibility to agree or disagree with the information they are presented with. Peer pressure and "subjective norms" may make something more palatable, but the same consequences exist for this poor behavior. We may get into a discussion of what biology would explain why individuals are so prone to cheating, but the idea is quite simple. Our species is programmed to pass on our DNA, meaning that individuals act in certain ways that tend to meet that end. A man is more prone to sexual promiscuity because it spreads makes more copies of his genes. A woman is less prone because she has to raise the children, meaning that she is more programmed to look for a high-quality male that can provide for her and stay around. There are many nuances to this narrative, however.

This particular research addressed attitudes and intention, but we still need to dive into why individuals agree to enter a committed relationship and break that promise. Are there not new subjective norms when a man leaves college, gets a good job and finds a good gal to marry? Does this not replace or compete with the supposed predispositions to cheating that he may have had?

One last note on the predisposition to cheat due to having cheated in the past. If you paid attention, those that were cheated on were less likely to cheat, and the authors explain that much of this was due to the incredible pain that the experience brought on them; they became scarred. It can also be that individuals that were cheated on are more sympathetic to others, regarding this particular notion, meaning that they wouldn't dare inflict on someone else the pain that they went through. It can also be an eye-opening experience for some. Think about it, infidelity may seem harmless, to some, until they experience it for themselves on the receiving end. What I would like to find out is why individuals continue to cheat, from a research-backed standpoint. My hypothesis is that they were likely not held accountable for what they did, leaving their attitudes and intentions in place. This is why the repair and reconciliation process is so critical. Reconciliation isn't a "turn-the-cheek" kind of forgiveness, but a new process of effort and data-gathering in an effort to determine the long-term viability of the primary relationship.

This is why the element of forgiveness is so critical to the UAP. Forgiveness is so misunderstood by society, so it is no wonder we are in such trouble. The real process of forgiveness requires a real apology, otherwise, there is nothing to forgive. I absolutely advocate for forgiveness (especially for victims), but it requires a brutally strict process on the part of the relationship criminal. Forgiveness is the next post in the UAP, but let me end this by saying something critical about it. If one was cheated on and only received an "It'll never happen again", then one does not continue in the relationship, generally. We use my 3-phase plan to bring about change, maximizing the chances that the relationship criminal will make positive change.

1: Jackman, M. (2015). Understanding the Cheating Heart: What Determines Infidelity Intentions?. Sexuality & Culture, 19(1), 72-84. doi:10.1007/s12119-014-9248-z
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post #125 of 325 (permalink) Old 02-05-2017, 02:12 PM
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Re: RT's Ultimate Affair Plan

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Self control, integrity, good moral values... all these things can absolutely be present, but all it takes is an individual who can manipulate thier presence.

You are correct in that affairs are utterly selfish and self centered. It makes it that much easier to change someone's path, promises, or whatever you may call it, even if just temporary.

A person who enters another person's life offering adventure and romance can't be resisted. It is the primary reason people fall in love and marry, as is it the primary reason people cheat.
People resist that sort of temptation ALL THE TIME. I cant believe that you think that we are all that helpless and weak.

If strong morality and integrity are there, no one will be able to manipulate someone or make cheat.
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post #126 of 325 (permalink) Old 02-05-2017, 02:22 PM
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Re: RT's Ultimate Affair Plan

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I agree with much of what you say as it is pretty much the standard advice regarding forgiveness. But it doesn't work this way for everyone. First off, there are many people I have never forgiven for wronging me and I feel fine about this. These are people I do not see often or maybe not at all so the fact that I don't - and never will - forgive them doesn't hurt me in any way. I'm fine with it. I know other people that are just like me so maybe we are a minority of people but we're out here. We don't forgive "so we can feel better" because we don't hold on to the negative feelings - we just cut those people out of our lives and let the memory fade away.

The problem for me is that my wife cheated on me decades ago and I decided to stay with her but I will never forgive her. I can't cut her out of my life unless I can divorce her and completely detach from her and there are reasons this is not possible.

Being unable or unwilling to forgive someone doesn't necessarily damn you to physical & emotional torment.
Well it is important to forgive even if you feel its not affecting you. I forgave my dad for things after he was dead. For a Christian its also what we are told to do.

I cant imagine what it must be like for you and your wife to live with unforgiveness and bitterness all these years.
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post #127 of 325 (permalink) Old 02-05-2017, 02:56 PM
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Re: RT's Ultimate Affair Plan

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People resist that sort of temptation ALL THE TIME. I cant believe that you think that we are all that helpless and weak.

If strong morality and integrity are there, no one will be able to manipulate someone or make cheat.
A strong presence or morality and integrity are what sometimes make infidelity even easier. In my younger years, and before I was married, I had been involved with 6 different married women. I didn't pursue these women just for sh1ts and giggles. I set out to learn so much more about women that keeping within boundaries would have denied me.

What I learned is that even if temporary, women long to play a different role than what society allows them. Women are suppose to be the decent, moralizing force in our culture. Feeling sometimes repressed, women devour romance novels and movies, stories in which women were adventerous, even taking on the capacity of good and evil as men can.

Nobody in this world feels whole and complete. We have this gap in our character of something we want or need but we can't get on our own. If you are married, that is exactly how you fell in love. You met someone who seemed to fill those gaps. The process is usually involuntary. Once we meet that person, we take risks and hope they return our love.

By paying close attention to someone, thier clothes, comments, gestures, their material style, looks in their eyes, their talk about past romances, past failures and past successes, future successes, etc... all these things slowly put together, start to outline their missing pieces and those gaps come into clear view. People are always giving out signals as to what they lack, whether an illusion of it or reality.

If those things that they lack start to come from another person, that person has tremendous power over them, and they have no suspicions. If you believe having strong morals and integrity are affair buffers, you are mistaken. The keys to a willing infidelity are to lower suspicions and an ease of resistance. The easiest way to achieve this is to allow the other person to believe they are stronger, and more in control of things. If all this were untrue, there wouldn't be so many willing victims.
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post #128 of 325 (permalink) Old 02-05-2017, 05:02 PM
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Re: RT's Ultimate Affair Plan

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A strong presence or morality and integrity are what sometimes make infidelity even easier. In my younger years, and before I was married, I had been involved with 6 different married women. I didn't pursue these women just for sh1ts and giggles. I set out to learn so much more about women that keeping within boundaries would have denied me.

What I learned is that even if temporary, women long to play a different role than what society allows them. Women are suppose to be the decent, moralizing force in our culture. Feeling sometimes repressed, women devour romance novels and movies, stories in which women were adventerous, even taking on the capacity of good and evil as men can.

Nobody in this world feels whole and complete. We have this gap in our character of something we want or need but we can't get on our own. If you are married, that is exactly how you fell in love. You met someone who seemed to fill those gaps. The process is usually involuntary. Once we meet that person, we take risks and hope they return our love.

By paying close attention to someone, thier clothes, comments, gestures, their material style, looks in their eyes, their talk about past romances, past failures and past successes, future successes, etc... all these things slowly put together, start to outline their missing pieces and those gaps come into clear view. People are always giving out signals as to what they lack, whether an illusion of it or reality.

If those things that they lack start to come from another person, that person has tremendous power over them, and they have no suspicions. If you believe having strong morals and integrity are affair buffers, you are mistaken. The keys to a willing infidelity are to lower suspicions and an ease of resistance. The easiest way to achieve this is to allow the other person to believe they are stronger, and more in control of things. If all this were untrue, there wouldn't be so many willing victims.
There may be many willing people, but there are also many unwilling ones.I know loads of people with strong moral values who would never cheat, many of whom are in long faithful marriages.
The people I know who cheated were the ones who had the lower morals, who didn't value integrity or keeping promises made, who found is easy to lie and deceive. Its just not in many of us to be like that.

I am sorry that you felt it was ok to risk breaking up all those marriages. Many people would never do that no matter what was happening in their lives or marriages. So what if many people have gaps, there is far more mess and pain after an affair.
There is such a thing as self control and having good boundaries.
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post #129 of 325 (permalink) Old 02-05-2017, 05:27 PM
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Re: RT's Ultimate Affair Plan

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The people I know who cheated were the ones who had the lower morals, who didn't value integrity or keeping promises made, who found is easy to lie and deceive.

I am sorry that you felt it was ok to risk breaking up all those marriages. .
There are many more people you know (perhaps even those you deem with strong moral and integrity standards) that have been involved in affairs, they were just never exposed. Of the 6 women I was involved with, none of the marriages have broken apart. To my knowledge, none of these women ever discussed it with their husbands. In any case though, a willing single male in an affair has no vows, no promises, or obligations to the parties involved. What makes a guy like that so dangerous and driven, is that he has nothing to lose and so much to learn.

Most of what I have learned from cheating, ironically, I've learned from women. Additionally, I learned how to establish, maintain, and neutralize an affair long before pagers, cell phones, GPS, e-mail, spyware, and electronic devices such as voice activated recorders even existed... essentially every tool TAM members suggest for everyone in detail for exposing suspicious acitivity and affairs.

Women do not find it easy to lie and decieve. They just need a little help... without realizing they're actually getting it.

The only personal path I have discovered which minimizes a woman to cheat has nothing to do with morals and integrity. It is simply not placing so many limitations and boundaries on her. I'm her companion, not her owner.
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post #130 of 325 (permalink) Old 02-05-2017, 05:36 PM
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Re: RT's Ultimate Affair Plan

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There are many more people you know (perhaps even those you deem with strong moral and integrity standards) that have been involved in affairs, they were just never exposed. Of the 6 women I was involved with, none of the marriages have broken apart. To my knowledge, none of these women ever discussed it with their husbands. In any case though, a willing single male in an affair has no vows, no promises, or obligations to the parties involved. What makes a guy like that so dangerous and driven, is that he has nothing to lose and so much to learn.

Most of what I have learned from cheating, ironically, I've learned from women. Additionally, I learned how to establish, maintain, and neutralize an affair long before pagers, cell phones, GPS, e-mail, spyware, and electronic devices such as voice activated recorders even existed... essentially every tool TAM members suggest for everyone in detail for exposing suspicious acitivity and affairs.

Women do not find it easy to lie and decieve. They just need a little help... without realizing they're actually getting it.

The only personal path I have discovered which minimizes a woman to cheat has nothing to do with morals and integrity. It is simply not placing so many limitations and boundaries on her. I'm her companion, not her owner.

We will have to agree to disagree. I don't have it in me to lie ever, nor to cheat. I couldn't live with myself for a day if I did that. My strong conscience wouldn't let me.
Strong moral values and sensible boundaries are in place for many marriages and people, and many don't cheat.

if 50% of married people cheat, which is what I read recently, that leaves countless millions who never do. You clearly mixed with the wrong sort of people.

My husband had a not very happy 23 year first marriage.He had opportunities to cheat. He never did despite his unhappiness. He has the strongest moral values of any one I know. Plus he can never keep anything from me, I know immediately if he is. He doesn't have it in him to lie. I know many more like him as well, good people who believe in keeping the promises they made to their spouses, who have a sense of responsibility towards their children and who know that being faithful is vital.

I have no respect at all for men or women who go after other peoples spouses. Its the lowest of the low. Their poor husbands.


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post #131 of 325 (permalink) Old 02-05-2017, 05:53 PM
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Re: RT's Ultimate Affair Plan

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We will have to agree to disagree. I don't have it in me to lie ever, nor to cheat. I couldn't live with myself for a day if I did that. My strong conscience wouldn't let me.
Strong moral values and sensible boundaries are in place for many marriages and people, and many don't cheat.

if 50% of married people cheat, which is what I read recently, that leaves countless millions who never do. You clearly mixed with the wrong sort of people.

My husband had a not very happy 23 year first marriage.He had opportunities to cheat. He never did. He has the strongest moral values of any one I know. Plus he can never keep anything from me, I know immediately if he is. He doesn't have it in him to lie. I know many more like him.

I have no respect at all for men or women who go after other peoples spouses. Its the lowest of the low. Their poor husbands.
I dont know if 50% of married people cheat, but even assuming that is true, I agree that it is also true that millions more don't. That isn't to say they aren't capable of it, or that they are too strong, it is a solid possibility that the person strong enough to disarm them just hasn't crossed their path.

And I wouldn't mind if you developed a negative opinion about who I am or who I was. Opinions are what help make us each individual. I encourage opinion. If I were to live my life confined to the limits and boundaries of other's, or if I was to concern myself much with the opinions of other's, those limits, boundaries, and opinions would then become mine and I would eventually disregard my own. I see how much it isn't working and I'd rather not live that way.
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Re: RT's Ultimate Affair Plan

Great input.

We will dive into the psychology of the married infidels after the next post (forgiveness). We are going to introduce a lot of information that makes it a bit more complex than the typical narrative.
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post #133 of 325 (permalink) Old 02-06-2017, 04:49 AM
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Re: RT's Ultimate Affair Plan

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There are many more people you know (perhaps even those you deem with strong moral and integrity standards) that have been involved in affairs, they were just never exposed. Of the 6 women I was involved with, none of the marriages have broken apart. To my knowledge, none of these women ever discussed it with their husbands. In any case though, a willing single male in an affair has no vows, no promises, or obligations to the parties involved. What makes a guy like that so dangerous and driven, is that he has nothing to lose and so much to learn.

Most of what I have learned from cheating, ironically, I've learned from women. Additionally, I learned how to establish, maintain, and neutralize an affair long before pagers, cell phones, GPS, e-mail, spyware, and electronic devices such as voice activated recorders even existed... essentially every tool TAM members suggest for everyone in detail for exposing suspicious acitivity and affairs.

Women do not find it easy to lie and decieve. They just need a little help... without realizing they're actually getting it.

The only personal path I have discovered which minimizes a woman to cheat has nothing to do with morals and integrity. It is simply not placing so many limitations and boundaries on her. I'm her companion, not her owner.
The bolded sounds very interesting, Apexmale. Could you elaborate, please?

One of the deepest feminine pleasures is when a man stands full, present, and unreactive in the midst of his woman's emotional storms. When he stays present with her, and loves her through the layers of wildness and closure, then she feels his trustability, and she can relax. -- David Deida, The Way of the Superior Man
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post #134 of 325 (permalink) Old 02-06-2017, 05:04 AM
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Re: RT's Ultimate Affair Plan

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I dont know if 50% of married people cheat, but even assuming that is true, I agree that it is also true that millions more don't. That isn't to say they aren't capable of it, or that they are too strong, it is a solid possibility that the person strong enough to disarm them just hasn't crossed their path.

And I wouldn't mind if you developed a negative opinion about who I am or who I was. Opinions are what help make us each individual. I encourage opinion. If I were to live my life confined to the limits and boundaries of other's, or if I was to concern myself much with the opinions of other's, those limits, boundaries, and opinions would then become mine and I would eventually disregard my own. I see how much it isn't working and I'd rather not live that way.
The bolded seems quite truthful to me, and merits humble reflection.

Thank you for sharing it, Apexmale.

One of the deepest feminine pleasures is when a man stands full, present, and unreactive in the midst of his woman's emotional storms. When he stays present with her, and loves her through the layers of wildness and closure, then she feels his trustability, and she can relax. -- David Deida, The Way of the Superior Man
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post #135 of 325 (permalink) Old 02-06-2017, 07:32 AM
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Re: RT's Ultimate Affair Plan

There's truth in the above about a person even with strong morals and healthy boundaries crossing paths with the "right" (or actually wrong) individual. I'm absolutely convinced if my WW's particular OM never came into her sphere we would not have had to take the trip down the road of infidelity. People on here always say, "if it hadn't of been him, it would have been someone else". Many cases that may be true, but in my case, this bastard OM just had my wife's number.
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