Need some help... - Page 4 - Talk About Marriage
Coping with Infidelity Relationship recovery from the destructiveness of infidelity.

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post #46 of 51 (permalink) Old 02-11-2017, 12:39 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Need some help...

Thanks again to all for the great advice. I see now that this process will not be quick no matter how bad I want it to be...

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post #47 of 51 (permalink) Old 02-11-2017, 01:39 PM
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Re: Need some help...

OP Please give us an update.?

Spartans lay down your weapons.! "Persian come and get them"
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post #48 of 51 (permalink) Old 02-18-2017, 12:01 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Need some help...

Things seem to be going ok with my wife. She is definitely doing all of the things I have asked and seems committed to reconciliation. I am not seeing any evidence or signs that anything else is going on. Yet, for some reason I am still unable to stop being angry and hurt. I need to forgive her (for me really) but I just can't bring myself to tell her I forgive her yet. I have acknowledged her apology and remorse and even thanked her for it but I have never said "I forgive you." I am not sure she has noticed the difference. So right now I have good days and bad days and just when I feel I have turned the corner in getting over this I have a bad day and it seems like I am back to square one. I do appreciate the advice given (especially on forgiveness) and am working to utilize it. Thanks.
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post #49 of 51 (permalink) Old 02-18-2017, 12:19 PM
Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: Texas
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Re: Need some help...

Remember this....this is not something you forgive someone like someone who cut you off driving, this is some one desecrated your marriage, your love, your trust....there no firgiveness right now your still raw with pain and anger, you to first heal, however long that may be and she needs to under stand that, she needs to understand your pain....and your need to get to a therapist....and if the therapist tells you to forgive...find a new therapist. Let and expect her to do all the heavy lifting.
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post #50 of 51 (permalink) Old 03-04-2017, 08:05 PM
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Join Date: Jul 2014
Location: Midwest
Posts: 521
Re: Need some help...

Here is a sermon that helped me deal with forgiveness.

You can forgive and still divorce. Your old marriage ended with the affair. If you stay together, you both will have to start over again.
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post #51 of 51 (permalink) Old 03-05-2017, 04:22 AM
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Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: United Kingdom
Posts: 2,431
Re: Need some help...

Firstly, it sounds like you need ALL the details of what went on - where, when, what was said, what was done, positions, protection, oral, anal, facials etc etc (sorry for the brutal vulgarity). You need to know how many times during that "one" encounter and who initiated each time. You need to say if anything was said about you or if she even thought of you. I am not sure you are going to get all this truthfully. I am not even sure that she is being truthful about it being just one time. Why would it be ? You confronted her and she admitted what you already knew - standard cheater textbook stuff.

If you found that she had done it at least twice then she would have admitted to just two times. And if you found out about more times after that, she would say she lied to protect you from the pain.

She needs to understand that you don't need "protection" from the pain from her - you need absolute honesty. A polygraph might help. You need to get the truth and the whole truth out of her.

This is my quest, to follow that star
No matter how hopeless, no matter how far
To fight for the right, without question or pause
To be willing to march into Hell, for a Heavenly cause
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