Ok, first, you should show up at the restaurant, to see if he is lying and still seeing her. You need to know the truth. Words are cheap and his lawyer probably told him how much of his paycheck he's going to have to give you, so now he's decided to NOT divorce you so he doesn't have to support his kids (since you aren't forcing him to pay y'all's bills as you should be).
I was really thinking of going and checking up on him tonight, since he decided to not want me there at all. I suspect Thursdays are OW's days off.
Second, just begging him to come home will NOT fix your marriage. All that does is teach him that you'll take him back no matter what he does, so he will now have free rein to cheat as much as he wants; after all, you have given him NO consequences.
I'm thinking that as long as he stays living elsewhere he has more freedom to contiue to cheat
You need to do a couple things. First, you need to contact a lawyer or find out how you get him to legally have to start sharing his paycheck with you. NOW. Today. By you allowing him to not support his kids just because you're scared of making him mad, you have made yourself look like a doormat. If you want him to WANT you, he has to respect you, and right now you're doing nothing to warrant respect. In fact, he's on Cloud 9 because he now has 2 women fighting over him. There's no greater ego boost to a man and you're handing it to him on a silver platter.
Go ahead and spend the weekend with him, but make it clear that you will NOT let him move back home until he hands over the passwords to his phone and computer. Period. Tell him you will NOT be his second choice, you have too much respect for that, and that if he chooses to come home, it will be on your terms.
I know the idea of that scares you, but please trust me - you will NEVER get a decent marriage if you just beg him to come home and let him do so without consequences. He has broken your trust and he has to earn it back, starting with:
His passwords
Handing over his phone if you ask to look at it, so you can learn to trust him again
He writes a No Contact letter to OW that YOU read and send yourself
He finds a marriage counselor that you two start seeing (HE needs to do this, to show he's not just taking the cheap way out by moving home)
He commits to spending 10-15 hours a week with you without the kids
His affair will be fully told to our MC, our next sesssion is on the 23rd. Last counseling session he concentrated on me.
If he won't do these things, blue, then he's just moving home because it's cheaper and he thinks you're dumb enough to let him. Do you really want THAT marriage? What kind of message does that send the kids? Do you want them learning it's ok to cheat, and it's ok to LET your spouse cheat? Set the right example.
My kids don't know daddy is cheating
btw, please tell your MIL that he has NOT given you financial support.
I told my MIL that he has not given support in 2 wks and its coming up on 3 wks now. She was like WHAT?!!
I will also tell her he has let the joint acct stay negative for the last 17 days. Our insurance Auto came out and thats where he is supposed to put the support payments. Somehow he has convinced the judge that I have to pay the car insurance and his life insurance because it comes out of our joint acct.
He supposed to be paying $300 a week for a total of $1200 and with me having to pay car insurance and life insurance and whatever overdraft fees, it leaves me with $900 a month
He made me pay my car payment with $$ I got from selling my last puppy (i used to be a dog breeder, befroe all this stuff happen) He said he would pay me back in $200 increments. He paid $200 last week, but no cathcing up the joint acct or paying regular support payment.
I sincerely hope you tell him about your affair and how you also had sex with someone else.
because right now you are holding this over his head and it's not fair. It's not fair at all when you also cheated on him and slept with someone else--someone who flew from an entirely different state to sleep with you.
Be honest. You can't hate on him if you are doing the very same thing to him (holding back, not being honest, lying).
Put all your cards on the table and let them fall where they may.
My bet is that his affair is a LOT worse than he's told you. Any woman who would lash out at the wife that way def has something a lot more crazy to tell them just "oh we talked and had sex one time." The way she defends herself in her posts to you and says "your marriage has been over--look int he mirror" means HE told her your marriage was over and that you were the cause of it falling out the way it did. That or she is just a b!tch. But I would rather believe the former. She also told him to "choose between you two" so my bet is he may have told her he was leaving her for you. And maybe only now is coming to his damn senses. Is she married/partnered? If so, you NEEd to tell her boyfriend/partner/husband. Do this w/o lettingi your husband know.
If he truly wants the marriage to work, he neds to start showing you his phone, facebook, everything. Trust is in the gutter right now.....so you both need to start telling the truth and showing thru actions you are being honest.
Tell him about your affair.
OKAYYYYYYY, she lucky I don't know her landline. I'd call and tell on her like a child. (did I say that)
I'm thinking that as long as he stays living elsewhere he has more freedom to contiue to cheat
That is not your concern. You can't control him, you can't change him, you can't make him want what YOU want. But you can show him a woman who will NOT accept second best. Keeping him at home so you can supervise him will not work. Accept that, and you can begin to make smart decisions.
Quote:
My kids don't know daddy is cheating
They will, either sooner or later. Do you want them to also be mad at YOU for also lying to them? They need at least one of you to be honest and fair with them. If he reconciles, they don't need to know. But if he continues to cheat and leave you all stranded, they need to know why; otherwise they will blame themselves, since no one is telling them the truth - kids always assume it's their fault, they just do. Unless they hear the truth, that it's an outside influence and their dad made bad choices.
That is not your concern. You can't control him, you can't change him, you can't make him want what YOU want. But you can show him a woman who will NOT accept second best. Keeping him at home so you can supervise him will not work. Accept that, and you can begin to make smart decisions.
They will, either sooner or later. Do you want them to also be mad at YOU for also lying to them? They need at least one of you to be honest and fair with them. If he reconciles, they don't need to know. But if he continues to cheat and leave you all stranded, they need to know why; otherwise they will blame themselves, since no one is telling them the truth - kids always assume it's their fault, they just do. Unless they hear the truth, that it's an outside influence and their dad made bad choices.
I feel so much sadness for my kids!! They just don't understand why dady is not coming home. Daddy tells them he wishes he could come home. He tells me he would like nothing more than to wake up to me every morning.
WELL THAN DO IT!!!
I hope our MC session can shed some light on him.
#1 I need proof that affair is over and he NC her...she NC him.
(I don't want to doubt my husband all the time)
His uncle says a wife needs to support her husband no matter what
I made amends with his most important family members. My parents did some huge damamge over the years by brainwashing me and I intern did not trust his family who are really good people.
His uncle told me that a wife supports her husband no matter what before I knew he was cheating!!
I did think so highly of my husband, but find myself losing total respect for him!!!
I can only get that respect for him back when he proves that he really is 110% devoted to our marraige and me.
When he does not turn his back on my tears...
I don't like telling my kids that mommy is so sad because of daddy, but they are noticing and my smallest one is picking up that it is because of daddy. They are going to start resenting him.
I really hope my husband is not still with her.
He said its going to be a long hard road and that I beleive, but I hope he told me the truth about only it being once and that I'm not going to find out about a baby!!!
So now you had an affair which he believes was just an EA, as a result of this "EA" he blew up and said mean things to you and threw things around... that resulted in you filing a restraining order... But the EA was always a PA, you just wont tell him that... meantime he's shagging some other women and not supporting his special needs children.
So your both lying cheaters that are trickle truthing one another.. Meantime your children and your pets are suffering?
Why do I feel like we're being trickle truthed too? I dont know why I feel like a chump... lol.
My advice..... As long as your are going to continue lying, dont ask for advice. Radical idea.... Tell the truth.
So now you had an affair which he believes was just an EA, as a result of this "EA" he blew up and said mean things to you and threw things around... that resulted in you filing a restraining order... But the EA was always a PA, you just wont tell him that... meantime he's shagging some other women and not supporting his special needs children.
So your both lying cheaters that are trickle truthing one another.. Meantime your children and your pets are suffering?
Why do I feel like we're being trickle truthed too? I dont know why I feel like a chump... lol.
My advice..... As long as your are going to continue lying, dont ask for advice. Radical idea.... Tell the truth.
Good luck with your marraige.
Yes its a huge mess and I have been trying to clean it up. I know I have done wrong. I really don't feel comfortable telling him yet. I am so ashamed and afraid of the huge blow up again. He has had past blow ups that resulted in jail time, but I think I may have been over reacting because of influences of how things should be from other people like my disfunctional family.
I'm just so afraid to tell him and so so ashamed!!
Our marraige was sexless for a very long time! I thought he didn't love me. He was unhapppy with anyhting and everything I did. he has admited that he was unhappy with everything I did and the reasons why.
WE have communicated about those issues that lead up to us both having the affairs. MIne is over and I really hope his is too, but he seems to be secretive.
Perhaps I should stop being so afraid of the future and just go with it, but its very difficult.
Re: I'm so sad!! 
