This is weird that I have to type my life on a forum. Thanks to anyone who will provide some clarity.
Married for 10 years with 2 young kids. Recently relocated to another country (DH moved for work first and we joined a couple of months ago).
Where to start??? Well, something has changed, he has changed, life seems different and miserableble all of a sudden.
He has gone from a caring husband to distant aquaintance. We do not talk much at all, he looks serious and uninterested.
I am trying my best to keep it together and try to engage with him but its not working. In addition to this, there are bunch of things I am unhappy about. First his close colleague, next his secretiveness, the way he ignores me and the way I react to it. It can go on. I feel miserable.
Whats going on? I know I have not given much information but I am happy to provide more if needed.
Thanks for reading!
Secretiveness is so destructive... it's an illusion of protection, because openness breaks it every time.
But still people sacrifice everything for it's hold...
It may be a depression, we don't always find ourselves in the place we thought we would be. Married, two young children, new job, new country, new perceptions of freedoms and chains, new unmindfulness. If he has fallen into a fog of depression or a selfishness (drifting into another relationship) both are debilitating. If his insurance and company policy has an EAP (Employee Assistance Program) that you can get some immediate counseling with, please take such a step quickly before the fog grows more dense.
Honesty has no fear of the light, perhaps a small hand journal (non-electronic) would be a good thing to begin of the things accurately said and the reflections had from them... it also helps to time/date all thoughts so a proper reference is present.
While the bolded is disturbing because the gender of the close colleague is not known, let's take a step back and place our thoughts into a single camp... the choices he is making are hurting you and your family.
There are reactions, and there are actions... one is far better than the other.
Life can become routines and often the ones we pay attention too negatively always draw the most energy... it may be best to flip that around... shake things up a little with him so to speak. Surprise him with visits and calls, keep them short as you are out and about, know his lunch and off-work times, inject yourself with fun and happiness and if he doesn't bite, go on with that fun leaving him behind happily.. you make that yourself.
You have got to get ahold of your anger and understand why... be "in touch" with it so to speak. Once you have this understanding you will respond slower to "reacting" and that will give you reflection and communication.When he disappoints you with his inattention and poor behavior, take that new calm and turn that lecture into something that can provide a clarifying statement for him to digest.
Make "I'm sick and tired of you being miserable and ignoring the children and I" into "when these things happen with us it breaks our family for the moment and takes you away from us and it hurts to miss you and the good together" then leave him to digest this action.
Then let it go yourself with the comfort you have expressed yourself with a more positive ending.
While you worry for your family, I think he needs to understand that you will be fine without if he continues down this rocky path. One cannot "tell" someone this, one is shown such through actions.
This negative energy will harm you for as long as you partake in it... it hurts, you love and miss him even through his poor behaviors, but it's time to learn to leave it using the same practice as one does with meditation. Pause your thoughts and let go so we can re-enter from a calmer approach, one that is loving for ourselves and recognize what is going on. The heart and mind must be in tune with another, stop allowing him to take you off-beat and out of harmony.
Please continue to share, loving and kind thought to your family as your path becomes clear... even though it may be different than you currently hope for, never lose that trust in yourself that it will.
Peace be with you...