What's going on? - Page 3 - Talk About Marriage
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post #31 of 305 (permalink) Old 01-31-2017, 01:31 AM
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Re: What's going on?

There is nothing there to go on yet. Did you take down the numbers? Maybe you can have a girl friend call them from another phone to see who answers. Or buy a burner phone, easy to buy a sim card in asian countries without registering. Call the numbers see who answers.

The sex videos may be a habit he got into when you were not available.

Do you have a swimming pool in your condo? or are you living in a house with a pool

Someone asking him for money doesn't sound right, though an Asian girlfriend just might, they are well known for touching up white guys for dosh. Was the number the same as the one asking to go for a swim?

Where did he live before you and the kids came over?
Did any colleagues come over to visit? Ask innocently but don't raise any suspicions. Keep watching, recording and your mouth shut, ears and eyes open.

It is possible something was going on before you arrived but now it is shut down. Try and get acquainted with his colleagues, ask him to meet them, invite them for dinner, buy lots of wine, (you do not drink), let them talk and gossip, you never know what slips out. Tell your husband you want to meet his colleagues. Why wouldn't he want you meeting them, ask him (as that is a red flag).

You can do this. It requires patience, tenacity and silence on your part.

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post #32 of 305 (permalink) Old 01-31-2017, 02:17 AM Thread Starter
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Re: What's going on?

Quote:
Originally Posted by aine View Post
There is nothing there to go on yet. Did you take down the numbers? Maybe you can have a girl friend call them from another phone to see who answers. Or buy a burner phone, easy to buy a sim card in asian countries without registering. Call the numbers see who answers.

The sex videos may be a habit he got into when you were not available.

Do you have a swimming pool in your condo? or are you living in a house with a pool

Someone asking him for money doesn't sound right, though an Asian girlfriend just might, they are well known for touching up white guys for dosh. Was the number the same as the one asking to go for a swim?

Where did he live before you and the kids came over?
Did any colleagues come over to visit? Ask innocently but don't raise any suspicions. Keep watching, recording and your mouth shut, ears and eyes open.

It is possible something was going on before you arrived but now it is shut down. Try and get acquainted with his colleagues, ask him to meet them, invite them for dinner, buy lots of wine, (you do not drink), let them talk and gossip, you never know what slips out. Tell your husband you want to meet his colleagues. Why wouldn't he want you meeting them, ask him (as that is a red flag).

You can do this. It requires patience, tenacity and silence on your part.
Thank you!
We live in a house and no pool. No decent pools around here so it can't be. He used to live in a hotel which the company paid for before we arrived. The
Hotels have good pools.

I have asked him before why he has not introduced me to his colleagues and his answer was they are not decent people.
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post #33 of 305 (permalink) Old 01-31-2017, 04:00 AM
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Re: What's going on?

Kukabura,

Sees to me you need piece of mind one way or the other.

If your IT savvy in anyway you can install a hidden app on his phone that will track it its activity, it's a pretty easy process involving sending it via text or picture to his phone with the clone software hidden in the background of the data package.

This shizz is useful as you'll be able to view all texts, locate him on GPS to see where he is, movements, the texts and pictures, basically you remotely view all the phones activity from your own laptop or tablet computer.
The app hides within his phone and he wont have any idea of its ID.

It would be better if you can get hold of his phone to do this for an hour, (maybe late one night or something) ?

Here is an example
Spy Phone App | Get the Best Cell Phone Tracker, Sms tracker app

It may find no proof of any illegitimate behaviour, but then at least you'll have your piece of mind back.

'You never know how strong you are until being strong is your only choice.'
Bob Marley

“Worry does not empty tomorrow of its sorrow, it empties today of its strength.”
Corrie ten Boom,
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post #34 of 305 (permalink) Old 01-31-2017, 04:09 AM Thread Starter
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Re: What's going on?

Danny,
This sounds good but I'm not IT savvy. He is way better than me and has a terrible temper. So need to be careful. I'll think about it.
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post #35 of 305 (permalink) Old 01-31-2017, 04:14 AM Thread Starter
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Re: What's going on?

im thinking of getting him to have a fb account and see if he gets friends from this work place. Any thoughts?
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post #36 of 305 (permalink) Old 01-31-2017, 04:16 AM Thread Starter
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Re: What's going on?

I have not mentioned this, he checks out every good looking girl women on the road while I'm right next to him. This is something new and started around the same time he became cold towards me.
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post #37 of 305 (permalink) Old 01-31-2017, 06:07 AM
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Re: What's going on?

Since when does a H have to 'protect' his wife from people who are not decent? What did you say?

You tell him that if they are not decent it is even more reason for you to meet them and draw your own conclusions, that is not up to him!

Sounds like you have lost alot of power in this marriage, you need to take it back. While spying, start becoming more independent and doing things for yourself, getting out more, making friends, etc.

The fact that he is checking out other women is incredibly disrespectful, you should tell him so, temper or no. Has his temper changed recently too? Does he pick fights with you?
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post #38 of 305 (permalink) Old 01-31-2017, 06:10 AM
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Re: What's going on?

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Originally Posted by Kukabura View Post
im thinking of getting him to have a fb account and see if he gets friends from this work place. Any thoughts?
Maybe he already has one? If he knows you have access to all, maybe it will not be so useful, although you could find out more about those he hangs out with, it is possible. You can say it's for family back home, have a joint one?
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post #39 of 305 (permalink) Old 01-31-2017, 09:16 AM
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Re: What's going on?

Kukabura

You will stop being treated badly, disrespectfully, the secrecy, the coldness - all will stop when you decide to stand for no more.

Anyone with a temper has a very PERSONAL problem! He needs to fix himself on that item. Anger is fine - as long as the anger motivates action to resolve the cause of the anger. That is supposing the anger is justified and not due to not getting something he thinks he deserves.

You have mentioned several items which, to me, sound like intentional deception. "go for a swim?" have you explored that or are you afraid to ask?

I don't mean to be harsh in my words - but! What you have related in the way your husband is treating you isn't as a wife.
More, my opinion, like a housmaid/nanny.

Swallow hard and force the discussions to begin resolving your relationship, Another BUT!! Before starting, get an escape plan in place. Maybe squirrel away funds to pay for transportation back to your home country. Figure out what you will do if you have to return to your home country. Do you have any legal rights you can use? Also consider what legal rights you have where you are living currently. Both the law and the ways and thinking of society affect how you will be treated if there is a public conflict that results when you stand up asking him to respect you and the marriage.
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post #40 of 305 (permalink) Old 01-31-2017, 05:09 PM
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Re: What's going on?

Personally, any guy who is away from his wife for a whole YEAR would be suspect in my eyes. How often did you see him during that time?

Maybe 'swim' is a code word? You need to get some of the numbers and see what you can find out about them.

Are you sure it was just porn sites and not chat sites or adult friend finder type sites on his phone? My husband started with porn and it led to 'other' things pretty quickly and easily.

About his temper - why would he get so mad if he has nothing to hide?

About him checking other women out - that is unacceptable. Tell him he needs to stop NOW. If that makes him mad then you need more than us - you need to think about telling him it's time for marriage counseling.


People don't get a free pass to cheat just because their marriage sucks.


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post #41 of 305 (permalink) Old 01-31-2017, 11:08 PM
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Re: What's going on?

Ugh I'm sorry but this doesn't sound good at all


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post #42 of 305 (permalink) Old 02-01-2017, 01:37 AM
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Re: What's going on?

always trust your gut and don't let him treat you that way
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post #43 of 305 (permalink) Old 02-01-2017, 04:01 AM
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Re: What's going on?

And @Kukabura please stop listening to sad music.

Listen to up beat stuff instead.


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post #44 of 305 (permalink) Old 02-01-2017, 04:44 AM Thread Starter
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Quote:
Originally Posted by aine View Post
Since when does a H have to 'protect' his wife from people who are not decent? What did you say?

You tell him that if they are not decent it is even more reason for you to meet them and draw your own conclusions, that is not up to him!

Sounds like you have lost alot of power in this marriage, you need to take it back. While spying, start becoming more independent and doing things for yourself, getting out more, making friends, etc.

The fact that he is checking out other women is incredibly disrespectful, you should tell him so, temper or no. Has his temper changed recently too? Does he pick fights with you?
His temper only surfaces when he really gets mad. There is no change in the frequency, what has changed is his general disposition towards me. He is nice to his family, children but not me.

He has always kept work and family life separate but bumping into his colleagues and not introducing them is kind of new. I totally feel disrespected in many ways. Btw he does not look happy. He might be angry at me. But can't be for months.
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post #45 of 305 (permalink) Old 02-01-2017, 04:47 AM Thread Starter
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Originally Posted by aine View Post
Quote:
Originally Posted by Kukabura View Post
im thinking of getting him to have a fb account and see if he gets friends from this work place. Any thoughts?
Maybe he already has one? If he knows you have access to all, maybe it will not be so useful, although you could find out more about those he hangs out with, it is possible. You can say it's for family back home, have a joint one?
I have set up an account today saying it's for sharing kids life with family. I sent out friend request to all his contacts. He doesn't seem interested in the fb though
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