Re: What's going on?
so sorry you are in this place, it is difficult enough moving from one country to another and all that brings in terms of adjusting without having to deal with this also.
You H may be withdrawn for a number of reasons
1. Depending on how long you have been apart he may have got used to living the single life, now he has to readjust to you and the kids being there and the conflict between balancing work and family life has thrown him off kilter.
2. he may be struggling in his new job, new position. Dealing with new colleagues, changing role, the different cultural aspects, etc can be very daunting and he may be very afraid of failure. Some men are reluctant to let their wives know this is happening as they see their respponsibility to support the family and maybe he is afraid of failure - it happens
You have not indicated whether you have moved from and to, I thought maybe Australia to Asia somewhere. If the move was by a western expat to an Asian country there is a bigger chance of infidelity. How old are you and your H?
3. Your gut is telling you something is not right, (more often than not, your gut is the best guage)
Therefore follow the advice given here, do not let your H suspect anything that you know, feel, etc, act normal
a. start digging discretely (check pockets, phone, computer, etc)
b. keep a log of his time leaving for work, his return, names he mentions, times, meetings, people, etc.
c. try to get to know people from his office, make sure you go to any work functions, ask to be invited (colleagues can be a useful measure of what is happening, due to how they react to you)
d. tell a close friend/sister etc what you are going through, you need the emotional support esp if you are in a foreign country
e. join the group of expat ladies (usually will be one for your country), they all know everything that is going on, try to join those whose husbands work for the same company as your husband, you'll need them on your side, befriend them
f. make use of social media, if your H uses FB etc, you may be able to see who has he added to his friends in the last few months since moving
g. For the time being lie low, do not arouse his suspicions, observe, listen, record
h. If he drives his own car (not with a driver) place a VAR in the car, surprise him for lunch when kids are in kindie, invite his colleagues for dinner, do as much as you can to place yourself in his social circle.
Too often new expat wives have no idea who, what , where he is and whom he is with.
Does your husband travel for his work?
You have to remain calm, assertive, til l you know more and for definite, do not confront at this juncture as you have no evidence, it would be a big mistake.
Last edited by aine; 01-27-2017 at 10:56 PM.