Question for the Forum - Page 3 - Talk About Marriage
Coping with Infidelity Relationship recovery from the destructiveness of infidelity.

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post #31 of 42 (permalink) Old 02-06-2017, 06:30 PM
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Re: Question for the Forum

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Originally Posted by Hope1964 View Post
Talk to a counsellor, or even just a friend. You need to work through this, and you need to deal with your insecurities. If you don't they will rip apart your marriage sooner or later


Counselling will be of benefit to you. And your counselling will also benefit your wife, too.


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http://mygeneralblog1.blogspot.co.uk...-cheaters.html (Be afraid UK cheaters! CheaterVille has come to the UK!
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post #32 of 42 (permalink) Old 02-06-2017, 07:08 PM
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Re: Question for the Forum

OP... the stats say that women who have never been with anyone except their husband are the lowest risk for cheating/divorce.
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post #33 of 42 (permalink) Old 02-07-2017, 03:50 AM
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Re: Question for the Forum

Hi there.
After and during the Divorce process many people and couples choose to belatedly do marriage counseling and individual counseling. It is too late then. .mostly

Your wife may have moved away from you while you were unavailable doing IT certs and stuff. You would not have noticed then because you were head down.. arse up.
That doesn't really matter because you are self aware enough to know that something is wrong. Something is off.

It is resentment. If left unaddressed it will kill your marriage. It might be something you have forgotten or not seen as important.


Since you have been together a really long time i would suggest a reboot. Start off saying to her that you want to try Individual counseling to work out why you have been unavailable. In all probability the counselor will at some point invite your wife to a session.
There her anger and resentments will be teased out and then it will all be on the table. Together.

Please do this now before you are here with a smoking cellphone
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post #34 of 42 (permalink) Old 02-07-2017, 05:24 AM
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Re: Question for the Forum

Many people
Simply do not give off any indication that they welcome in kind of advance that would be inappropriate. My guess is your wife just had a reason to think you would eventually grow up. What does she see when she looks at your mom and dad for example?
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post #35 of 42 (permalink) Old 02-07-2017, 05:26 AM
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Re: Question for the Forum

Byw, experts claim A mans gut is only right 50% of the time. A woman's gut is supposed to be right about 80% of the time.
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post #36 of 42 (permalink) Old 02-07-2017, 07:34 AM
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Re: Question for the Forum

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Byw, experts claim A mans gut is only right 50% of the time. A woman's gut is supposed to be right about 80% of the time.

My gut says the experts were women...lol
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post #37 of 42 (permalink) Old 02-07-2017, 07:47 AM
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Re: Question for the Forum

This is how weirdo fetishes like hotwife stuff start. A Freudian approach dictates that many fetishes are born of our own fears.

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post #38 of 42 (permalink) Old 02-09-2017, 09:12 PM
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Re: Question for the Forum

Did your wife ever talk to you about the things that you were doing that made you a crappy husband while you were doing them?

"If you can keep your head while all those about you are losing theirs, then perhaps you have misunderstood the situation." - Daniel Keys Moran - from The Long Run

You don't really own anything you can't hold onto at a dead run... -Anonymous-
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post #39 of 42 (permalink) Old 02-09-2017, 09:53 PM
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Re: Question for the Forum

There are cheaters and non-cheaters. Not every cheater is going to cheat (most will though) but all non-cheaters are not going to have affairs. Drunken one night stand, maybe if they are stupid. Anyway maybe your wife just thinks it's morally wrong. Despite the worst that you always see out here, there are people whose nature makes cheating impossible. And it has nothing to do with what kind of an a55 you are marred to. It is about selfishly keeping your honor, because honor is where you get a lot of your self worth.

Here is the thing, start to communicate with your wife. I mean make it a daily part of your life. Talk to her, deep conversations. Ask her what she is feeling and what she was feeling. Ask her to be honest with you, and be strong enough to hear it. This will either dissuade your fear or reinforce it. You should be doing this anyway. Most women bond through communication first. Practice and practice hard. Also make it a point to date her. Like you did when you were courting her. You should always be courting her.

One other thing, you need to have a broad life, it can't all just be your wife and work. (Now that doesn't mean neglect her like you have) It does however mean you should have a strong support system of friends and family. And some interests that bring you joy. This will give you some confidence that even if she did cheat on you your life would go on. That helps with the fear. Again that doesn't mean playing video games all night. However if you have some of those long talks I am talking about, or if you took her out for dinner in drinks the night before, I don't think she will care as much. It's when you go from work to games to sleep, that is where there is a problem.
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post #40 of 42 (permalink) Old 03-06-2017, 12:39 PM
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Re: Question for the Forum

What triggered you check her messages? Was there any solid reason or gut feeling for that ?


Last edited by akashNil; 03-06-2017 at 01:30 PM. Reason: edit
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post #41 of 42 (permalink) Old 03-06-2017, 12:58 PM
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Re: Question for the Forum

In regards to a "gut feeling"; most suspicious spouses that come here at least have a red flag or two, as the basis of their gut feeling. You don't, unless you want to count "she's almost too good to be true".

Another poster nailed it when he said - Don't borrow trouble. Rein in your paranoia. Just be happy for what you have and try to be a deserving husband going forward.

Ne need to spy on your wife at this point. You need to trust her until she provides you a reason not to.
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post #42 of 42 (permalink) Old 03-06-2017, 01:50 PM
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Re: Question for the Forum

Some people aren't cheaters. Your wife sounds like one of those people.

In addition, she may give off the vibe that she is not available when at work. Some women are really good at that! I think it is entirely possible you married a faithful woman who did not want to and did not have an affair.
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