Question for the Forum
I wasn't totally sure where to put this as I really need someone to just tell me I'm an idiot but I want to know how I can get over these stupid thoughts in my head.
So I've been (and still am) very happily married to my wife for 11 years and we've known each other and/or dated each other for nearly all of our lives (we met at 7 years old). She has always been the best wife you could have ever asked for. As for me, for the beginning of our marriage I was a pretty lazy and absent husband. I mean, I was there but I was young and chose playing games for a lot of the time I should have been spending time with her. On top of that, I didn't really do much around the house and went from crappy job to crappy job while she head a good steady job. Now don't get me wrong here, I was a good father and when I did pry myself from the games, we did have a great marriage that any normal family would have. I was just a pretty lazy idiot for a long time.
So after going through college and getting a couple certifications, we've been doing great. She's moving up in her job and I've gotten a job in IT and was recently promoted. On top of that, I've really taken a look at myself and I've made a massive change. I do what I should be doing now around the house and hanging out with the family if I'm not studying for better certs or working. Now that I have made this change, I look back on my old self and thing of what an utterly crap husband I was. Throughout this whole time, I never even dreamed she would cheat on me. Wasn't even a thought. Now I see that it could have been very easy for her to cheat on me or find someone else to fill the void I left for her. I have no evidence whatsoever on her and anytime I've ever checked, nothing comes up. The only time it seems like she would ever have a chance to do anything is at work because if she ever did anything, there's no calls or texts being made (sadly, I checked).. We had a talk a couple weeks ago when I told her how I felt because of how bad I was and she assured me that she never did anything and that she was waiting for me because she knew I would change one day. The only weird thing she's ever said is that literally no one has ever approached her in any way to try to talk to her. Now I know some men say this, but my wife is beautiful. Like, I out kicked my coverage..
So I'm faced with one of two reality's. Either I have literally the greatest wife in the world or she's been a really, really convincing liar who stone faced told me nothing ever happened and she was just waiting for me because she knew I would change. I just don't know why I would deserve the greatest wife in the world as opposed to being what should be the reality that she could have understandably cheated on the husband I used to be. We've gotten through some tough times and now our life together is just starting to take off financially and I guess I'm just trying to make sure I didn't screw it all up with the person I used to be.
I'm sorry if this is more of rambling than a really well thought out post but I don't think I should be thinking this and really just want someone to tell me why I feel this way and then tell me to stfu and get over it.
Thanks in advance.