Re: Big fight
This thread strikes a little to close to home for me.
I'm offering my take on this. I am no expert but my situation is a bit similar. I don't know your whole backstory, so I could be off base completely.
I have a very hard time respecting my wife after her A, even years later. Deidre mentioned it, and I think that's probably his biggest issue in communicating and interacting with you. I have done what he's doing too. If anything comes up in an argument I don't like, I throw down the you cheated card or if you don't like it GTFO. Or my fave, duck this let's get a divorce. I'm was not trying to understand, compromise, or express empathy - it was about "winning" or punishing. Sometimes even purposely causing her pain because my pride was damaged. I know what buttons to push and it sounds like your husband does too. I would pick, or escalate, arguments just so I could throw these barbs. I usually feel like complete crap afterwards, but the damage has been done. I would never apologize for any of this either. I did it mostly because she accepted it. I came to see it as childish and stupid but it took way too long for me to figure that out.
So, I would say just don't accept it anymore. Remove yourself from the situation when the argument takes that tone. I would also talk to him about this line of thought, outside of any other discussion or argument, and see what he thinks. At least plant the seeds in his mind.