Pit-of-my-stomach

Do you recognize an escalation in your behaviors?

AppleDucklings

My ex husband was like you. He had over 10 mistresses in our 15 years together (and I would bet you there were more) I divorced him in June 2011. 3 of his 4 children no longer speak to him.
I wish their were laws on the book that would give victims like me and your poor wife the chance to sue lying, cheating asses like yourself because the mental anguish we go through should come with some sort of restitution.

morituri

Are you having fun "Humble Married Man" with all the responses you've been getting? If you are, then I'm glad that we were able to be of some entertainment value for you inbetween mistresses.

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"Man is not a rational animal, he is a rationalizing animal." Robert A. Heinlein

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Jellybeans

Boring, self-important (troll) thread

sinkingfeeling

The irony is, his wife is probably on some other thread somewhere (maybe even on TAM) seeking help as to how to get her husband to connect with her. No-one's that good at covering their tracks that there's no trace at all. She knows, I'm sure and hopefully is banging your best friend. You think you're so untouchable but you're not and I hope she serves it to you ice cold! Ha ha!
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Soccerfan73

I’m not actually convinced that this is a troll thread. It’s not outside the realm of possibility that a person like this does indeed exist. There are plenty that seem to exist in politics, for example.

The OP seems to have a high degree of intelligence. The kind of intelligence that can find people who are weaker and prey upon their insecurities rather easily.

Something in him is broken, and being a genuine loyal husband to his wife is beyond his capacity. Whatever that event was as a child, or if it’s something lacking in his physical chemistry who knows.

But whatever it is, it enables him to drift from one relationship to another without any guilt about any harm he is doing to the women involved with him. He carries a detachment in all of these relationships.

He may on some level indeed care about his daughter and wife. But not enough to actually modify his behavior. His adoration of himself is too strong for that. He may not “intentionally” hurt anybody, but he is unable to see the wreckage he is leaving behind from his actions. Or unable to care.

Dexter Morgan

If they knew you were married and didn't care, then neither would I.

Otherwise, how utterly despicable of you to dehumanize your victims.


Then get out. Set your wife free.

And that wouldn't have anything to do with the fact you are always out catting could it?


Does your wife know this? If not, then this adds another level of abuse, in addition to the cheating, you are bestowing upon your wife.


So in addition to being a cheater, you are a manipulator and abuser.


Oh please


Ok, I'm starting to smell bulls***. You said earlier that you create a 2nd life, full of lies and deceit. This would obviously include making them think you are not married. And now you say you wear your ring when looking for these hookups? Sorry, not buying it.



Loving wife? You said she didn't love you earlier.

Yup, you are telling a story. You need to work on your writing. Bulls*** detector just went off the charts.


Even if you were telling the truth in this "story", there is nothing about your wife that caused you to cheat. Its YOUR character that caused you to cheat.


Because you have lousy character.

You can get back under that bridge now.

Dexter Morgan

No, you are a troll because your story is full of holes and contradictions, which I have put forth in my previous post.

Pit-of-my-stomach

No, far from boring. If this is indeed a person, and for whatever reason this person is being genuine then its fairly interesting. Im a bit twisted in that regard. I find people's individual psychology or pathology as it were... very intriguing.

People like this do exist, and I think you would be surprised how many people are wired similiar to the person who authored this thread. I think that most people who share these behaviors, supress some of the thoughts and realizations he has actualized in this thread. Most people don't bring them to a conscious level because of an inabilty to deal with them. Cognitive dissonance triggers defense mechinisms which repress deep reflection.

Ironically, the very needs that are satisfied by these behaviors would also be the reason this person would be compelled to offer his story and ask for insight. A person like this would not care about what anyone else thinks or feels about them, any insite or opinion offered would be instantly disregarded unless it served this person's real motivation for the solicitation. Which has nothing to do with seeking to be a better person.

Jellybeans

I'm not discounting people like this 'do exist,' Pit.' I am saying this thread is very boring to me and OP comes across as self-important.

Pit-of-my-stomach

Oh no!, I'm sorry.... I didnt mean to imply that you didnt know people like this existed. Actually, I meant to quote just the "very boring" part to mention I thought it was interesting. Then my post got longer as thoughts spilled out... they were really just random thoughts not directed at anyone really. My bad.

Along my random line of thoughts into the wind...

The answer to both questions... Why he does what he does, and why he authored this thread are exactly the same. It's already been mentioned and it's very simple. Power & Control. If this persons story is genuine, I would speculate that his cheating exercises a power and control over others, while the motivation for posting this thread would be in an attempt to gain power & control over himself and these behaviors. Which is the reason I asked if his behaviors are escalating. That would make sense if my line of reasoning was sound.

StrangerThanFiction

I imagine you get as much enjoyment from the "getting away with it" as from the actual relationships/cheating.

But someday things will come crashing down.

ing

I agree. It is interesting. It is why I tested the "agree with all" technique that seems to work so well with people deep in the FOG.
Argument gives the person validation for the position they hold. By agreeing with them they are left with nothing but the thoughts and feelings that they can't resolve. Cognitive Dissonance [head up ass] is a powerful defense mechanism. Agreeing is like mental jujitsu. It reflects the hurt ,which they would like you to take on, back to them where it smacks them in the eyes like a 4 x 2. The harder they hit. The harder it hurts them.
Yes.. I am theorizing

ladybird

You cheat because you can and have gotten away with it.

Romeo_Holden

If what you are saying is true then the answer is quite simple. You are an addict the affairs make you feel good just like an addiction and just like an addiction you place these "wants" of yours well above your wife's emotional and possibly physical well being. You are no different from millions of other serial cheaters to be honest. And the non chalant way in which you do it is a common trait among serial cheaters a sociopathic tendency so to speak. You cheat because you like the way it makes you feel and you are either too immature as a man or too selfish to see the potential ramifications and devastating effect that this might have on your marriage. Eventually you will be caught the more you do it the higher the chances of that happening and hopefully she will be wise enough to leave you then you will be left with this questions and by then you will have your answer but it will be too late. (i know because i have been there)