Thoughts from a cheater. - Page 7 - Talk About Marriage
Coping with Infidelity Relationship recovery from the destructiveness of infidelity.

User Tag List

Closed Thread
LinkBack Thread Tools Search this Thread
post #91 of 97 (permalink) Old 12-21-2011, 12:36 AM
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: In an igloo.
Posts: 1,999
Re: Thoughts from a cheater.

Jesus Claus, where are the moderators?

FirstYearDown is offline  
Sponsored Links
post #92 of 97 (permalink) Old 12-21-2011, 12:42 AM
EleGirl's Avatar
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: New Mexico
Posts: 33,018
Re: Thoughts from a cheater.

Originally Posted by Humble Married Man View Post
I don't believe that I will.

I don't like unnecessary complications. This is why I find my cheating fascinating. All of this premeditation for so little gain.
Interesting. Like myself, you wish to learn.

So you used to be a very poor people picker..influenced by a sort of elektra complex perhaps?
No, not an Electra complex… so very Freudian. Lol. Freud was wrong often on the motivations he ascribed to women. But they were typical for his day.

As I said earlier by father was a habitual cheater. He was also absent a good part of the time. He was a liar by profession actually.. a spy.

He spoke 10 languages fluently. Put him into a community, within minutes his entire demeanor would be that of someone who had grown up there, down to the accent, voice intonations, the way he carried himself… we called him the “Chameleon”.

My mother was an opera singer and concert pianist with a degree in music who gave up a successful, budding career at the NY Met. She gave it all up for marriage and raised 8 children mostly on her own. (Women in those days did that.) She was very abusive to all of us; out of complete frustration and depression I am convinced. We mostly lived in places around the world where we as a family were very isolated, living among the indigenous community.

My father knew that she was abusive but told us that our mother was not well and we had to just put up with it.

My issue was that I had a lack of boundaries. A therapist explained it to me once. People who cheat habitually, abuse, etc look for partners who have no boundaries. When they are looking for a partner they will do little things that are not ‘quite right’. Most women would walk away. But in the end, the one with no boundaries; the one who is oh-so-understanding and makes excuses for bad behavior; the one who had been taught by her father that she had to put up with her mother’s abuse was still there.

It’s an elimination process and the last one standing is the one that the victimizer hooks up with. He now has his victim… a willing victim at that. Hopefully she will wake up sooner than later. (I use ‘he’, ‘she’ here for the rolls for ease of writing. A woman can be the victimizer such as easily as a man can be the victim.)

Once the therapist told me that, it all clicked. I’m a different person now. I draw strong boundaries. My nephew is in a mental ward. My step-children are no allowed in my home even though I raised them and love them. An so forth..

This is, I am sure the same type of behavior you use to hone in on your ‘mistresses’, as you call them. It’s the same one you used to pick your poor wife. Are you aware of yourself doing this?
EleGirl is online now  
post #93 of 97 (permalink) Old 12-21-2011, 12:49 AM
lordmayhem's Avatar
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: USA All The Way
Posts: 5,172
lordmayhem is offline  
post #94 of 97 (permalink) Old 12-21-2011, 12:54 AM
Lydia's Avatar
Join Date: Sep 2011
Posts: 227
Re: Thoughts from a cheater.

If this isn't a troll.... I don't think the question is "why do I cheat" I think the question is why are you married?

You just said you have the inability to care about other people.... So, why are you married? And why did you decide to have children?
Lydia is offline  
post #95 of 97 (permalink) Old 12-21-2011, 09:11 AM
GreenEyes's Avatar
Join Date: Jan 2011
Posts: 587
Re: Thoughts from a cheater.

I am genuinely unsure. If one is in need of help, the logical response would be to ask for it. Yet, I am compelled not to. In the same way that one is compelled to eat or drink if they feel unsated, I am compelled not to ask for help.

No, I don't use bullying as an excuse. That would be as trite as using a clichéd villian backstory as an excuse for my misdeeds. It may be a contributing factor however.[/QUOTE]

Then do your wife a favor and let her go, geez...or at least tell her this whole twisted thing and let her decide for are robbing this woman of a happy, fully functional marriage. The only reason she's happy and thinks it's a happy marriage is because you are a good liar....
GreenEyes is offline  
post #96 of 97 (permalink) Old 12-21-2011, 09:14 AM
GreenEyes's Avatar
Join Date: Jan 2011
Posts: 587
Re: Thoughts from a cheater.

Originally Posted by miscommunication View Post
H Married Man- I would normally not express sentiment like this and would instead just move about my business. But I want you to know that I dislike you. I don't know you but the attitude that comes across in your communication is that of being superior and self centered. You write as though you are highly educated and the general tone is one of exaggerated self worth.

If I was to guess I would say that you do have higher education and I'm willing to wager that it is of a higher level than that of your wife. I would also bet that you hold this over her head as to constantly remind her of how superior you are to her.

I may be totally wrong (it won't be the first or last time) but for me that character trait (some would call it a flaw) is a very negative thing to accentuate. If you are truly interested in learning more about what makes you cheat I would recommend that you do seek out professional counseling as what we see and say may in fact not be of any help to you.
With EVERYTHING you just said....
GreenEyes is offline  
post #97 of 97 (permalink) Old 12-21-2011, 10:26 AM
827Aug's Avatar
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: Southern USA
Posts: 4,167
Re: Thoughts from a cheater.

Enough said.
827Aug is offline  
Sponsored Links
Closed Thread

Quick Reply

Register Now

In order to be able to post messages on Talk About Marriage, you must first register. Please enter your desired user name, your email address and other required details in the form below.

Important! Your username will be visible to the public next to anything you post and could show up in search engines like Google. If you are concerned about anonymity, PLEASE choose a username that will not be recognizable to anyone you know.

User Name:
Please enter a password for your user account. Note that passwords are case-sensitive.


Confirm Password:
Email Address
Please enter a valid email address for yourself.

Email Address:


Human Verification

In order to verify that you are a human and not a spam bot, please enter the answer into the following box below based on the instructions contained in the graphic.

Thread Tools Search this Thread
Show Printable Version Show Printable Version
Email this Page Email this Page
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Essay on re John Edwards: 'Once a Cheater, Always a Cheater?' iheartlife Coping with Infidelity 0 05-31-2012 08:34 PM
Women, once a cheater, always a cheater? suesmith Sex in Marriage 15 05-20-2012 08:57 PM
Once a Cheater Always a Cheater? (Requesting for Insights re: Divorce) dantanph Coping with Infidelity 9 10-17-2010 10:56 AM

Posting Rules  
You may post new threads
You may post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off

For the best viewing experience please update your browser to Google Chrome