Originally Posted by Humble Married Man
I don't believe that I will.
I don't like unnecessary complications. This is why I find my cheating fascinating. All of this premeditation for so little gain.
Interesting. Like myself, you wish to learn.
So you used to be a very poor people picker..influenced by a sort of elektra complex perhaps?
No, not an Electra complex… so very Freudian. Lol. Freud was wrong often on the motivations he ascribed to women. But they were typical for his day.
As I said earlier by father was a habitual cheater. He was also absent a good part of the time. He was a liar by profession actually.. a spy.
He spoke 10 languages fluently. Put him into a community, within minutes his entire demeanor would be that of someone who had grown up there, down to the accent, voice intonations, the way he carried himself… we called him the “Chameleon”.
My mother was an opera singer and concert pianist with a degree in music who gave up a successful, budding career at the NY Met. She gave it all up for marriage and raised 8 children mostly on her own. (Women in those days did that.) She was very abusive to all of us; out of complete frustration and depression I am convinced. We mostly lived in places around the world where we as a family were very isolated, living among the indigenous community.
My father knew that she was abusive but told us that our mother was not well and we had to just put up with it.
My issue was that I had a lack of boundaries. A therapist explained it to me once. People who cheat habitually, abuse, etc look for partners who have no boundaries. When they are looking for a partner they will do little things that are not ‘quite right’. Most women would walk away. But in the end, the one with no boundaries; the one who is oh-so-understanding and makes excuses for bad behavior; the one who had been taught by her father that she had to put up with her mother’s abuse was still there.
It’s an elimination process and the last one standing is the one that the victimizer hooks up with. He now has his victim… a willing victim at that. Hopefully she will wake up sooner than later. (I use ‘he’, ‘she’ here for the rolls for ease of writing. A woman can be the victimizer such as easily as a man can be the victim.)
Once the therapist told me that, it all clicked. I’m a different person now. I draw strong boundaries. My nephew is in a mental ward. My step-children are no allowed in my home even though I raised them and love them. An so forth..
This is, I am sure the same type of behavior you use to hone in on your ‘mistresses’, as you call them. It’s the same one you used to pick your poor wife. Are you aware of yourself doing this?