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post #61 of 224 (permalink) Old 02-11-2017, 05:04 PM
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Re: Any way back from 2nd EA?

If your wife works then you want to expose on the weekend. Just download a free calling app on your phone and call from this temporary number.

The reason you can use Sunday to your advantage is you can also monitor your wife . If her behavior changes you know they have a backchannel way of communicating. With her at work you'll unfortunately never know since you will assume he called her at work


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post #62 of 224 (permalink) Old 02-11-2017, 05:09 PM
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Re: Any way back from 2nd EA?

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Originally Posted by cjadek View Post
"No I f**king have not (angry and resilient tone) I have never thought of him in that way"
I would have called her out on this straight away.It is her that is cheating,she doesn't get to be angry with you.How the hell does she expect you to believe a word she says after lying for FIFTEEN years.
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post #63 of 224 (permalink) Old 02-11-2017, 07:34 PM
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Re: Any way back from 2nd EA?

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Originally Posted by TDSC60 View Post
I keep coming back to the "Trust me or we should separate" statement.

Is she continuing to say this? It is not uncommon for a wife in an affair (EA or PA) with another man to ask for a separation.
Yes, either option is a win for someone having an affair.
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post #64 of 224 (permalink) Old 02-11-2017, 07:47 PM
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Re: Any way back from 2nd EA?

It's called a bluff. Call it.

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post #65 of 224 (permalink) Old 02-11-2017, 08:03 PM
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Re: Any way back from 2nd EA?

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Originally Posted by cjadek View Post
While they may well have had sex I haven't seen any clues/hint to this end in any of there correspondence not one suggestive comment or innuendo. Between the 2 times I've 'caught them' I've read quite a few pages of dialogue. I would've thought I'd have seen even hint if that were the case. (This doesn't mean I'm convinced they didn't)
That wouldn't be unusual in a long term affair. Most married people don't discuss their sex adventures like that either.

What was her attitude toward moving to your home country and leaving your old home behind? Have you been back? How often?
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post #66 of 224 (permalink) Old 02-11-2017, 08:28 PM
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Re: Any way back from 2nd EA?

Quote:
Originally Posted by cjadek View Post
"No I f**king have not (angry and resilient tone) I have never thought of him in that way"
I'm going to be the contrarian to most others. A truthful person will give a straight forward no. Based on your report, she done that (albeit I'm not crazy about the second sentence although its understandable). I'm going out on a limb and betting the poly shows she's telling the truth about sleeping with him.

Something you may want to read:

Spot Liars by Paying Attention to Their Reaction Within the First Five Seconds of a Conversation

Guide To Detecting Deceit and Evaluating Honesty

If you don't embody controversy, what you say will become just another part of the media driven culture of stifling thought and debate about issues.

Last edited by VladDracul; 02-11-2017 at 08:33 PM.
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post #67 of 224 (permalink) Old 02-11-2017, 08:34 PM
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Re: Any way back from 2nd EA?

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Originally Posted by VladDracul View Post
I'm going to be the contrarian to most others. A truthful person will give a straight forward no. I'm going out on a limb and betting the poly shows she's telling the truth about sleeping with him.

Something you may want to read:

Spot Liars by Paying Attention to Their Reaction Within the First Five Seconds of a Conversation

Guide To Detecting Deceit and Evaluating Honesty
Even if she didn't actually have sex, there may have been other physical/sexual contact and there was certainly an inappropriate relationship with 15 years of lies and deception. The fact that he clearly is in love with her surely should have got her ending it.
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post #68 of 224 (permalink) Old 02-11-2017, 08:46 PM
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Re: Any way back from 2nd EA?

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Even if she didn't actually have sex, there may have been other physical/sexual contact and there was certainly an inappropriate relationship with 15 years of lies and deception. The fact that he clearly is in love with her surely should have got her ending it.
This is my feeling. Even if it's the best case scenario and it was just this man telling her he loves her for 15 years. What kind of person is she that she is married and needs that. What will happen when she doesn't have that, she seems the most susceptible to any kind of affair. Like someone who has the worst of addiction problems. The kind that goes from smoking weed to crack in 6 months. She has some serious emotional problems, and is a great risk to continue with.

OP has already had a 15 year marriage with another man in the middle of it. How much of her emotional energy was spent on this man, how much of her receptiveness to OP's love was tampered by her getting her fill from this guy. She has never been fully attentive to OP and as her husband that is great loss he was cheated out of. 15 years of having a truly faithful wife as he sole partner and he hers. Why invest more. There is better out there. Much better, I mean all the new partner would have to do is not waste hours on a older man sending love emails. That shouldn't be hard to find. Like once again we are talking the bare minimum.
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post #69 of 224 (permalink) Old 02-11-2017, 08:52 PM
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Re: Any way back from 2nd EA?

I may be wrong Diana. Best case she's been playing loose as a goose allowing this guy to tag along. Some folks like having an opposite sex fan club fawning over them. I suggested early on that a poly would give CJ more to hang his hat on.

If you don't embody controversy, what you say will become just another part of the media driven culture of stifling thought and debate about issues.

Last edited by VladDracul; 02-11-2017 at 08:56 PM.
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post #70 of 224 (permalink) Old 02-12-2017, 05:58 AM
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Re: Any way back from 2nd EA?

It doesn't matter if it went physical at this point. You guys will just confuse him.

Step 1 is always to get yourself out of infidelity. And he hasn't. Exposure, monitoring of all electronics, speaking with a lawyer in the event he needs to immediately protect himself legally, seeking professional help.

Once he's out of infidelity he can take a breath, obtain any info he may need....and truthfully electronic monitoring from step 1 and exposure will have likely brought him a ton of valid info.

He needs to expose now now now. I can't tell you how many times I've had this same discussion and the ONLY ones who fail are the ones who delay. He needs to be on the phone with this woman today.


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post #71 of 224 (permalink) Old 02-12-2017, 06:12 AM
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Re: Any way back from 2nd EA?

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Originally Posted by cjadek View Post
Just to be clear, they met after we started living together but before we were married.
Ah, okay.

I still stand by my thoughts, although I suppose it's possible she did carry on a brief physical affair at that point.

It just doesn't seem to me that she did, given what you've told us.

Once you moved far away from him, it likely would have ended entirely OR there would be occasional mention of their previous tryst.

"Every time I read your posts about your wife I want to swallow strychnine."
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post #72 of 224 (permalink) Old 02-12-2017, 07:47 AM
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Re: Any way back from 2nd EA?

Quote:
Originally Posted by TDSC60;17352049[B
[B]]I keep coming back to the "Trust me or we should separate" statement.

[/B[/B]]Is she continuing to say this? It is not uncommon for a wife in an affair (EA or PA) with another man to ask for a separation.
Because she's always been a trustworthy person

“The time's gone by for sentiment and all that foolery. Mercy's all very well but after all it's justice that clinches the bargain.”


“The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing.”
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post #73 of 224 (permalink) Old 02-12-2017, 10:39 AM
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Re: Any way back from 2nd EA?

EA or PA? There has always been three people in your marriage. Unfortunately, you did not know or agree to that arrangement. You have to accept that your wife could not be in a marriage with only you, then decide what YOU want. Decide what is best for YOU alone at this point. She made the decision about what she wanted long ago and just did not tell you and actively kept you in the dark about facts that were very important to your marriage.
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post #74 of 224 (permalink) Old 02-12-2017, 01:42 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Any way back from 2nd EA?

Quote:
Originally Posted by TDSC60 View Post
I keep coming back to the "Trust me or we should separate" statement.

Is she continuing to say this? It is not uncommon for a wife in an affair (EA or PA) with another man to ask for a separation.
No she hasn't it was a knee jerk response but a response non the less.
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post #75 of 224 (permalink) Old 02-12-2017, 01:51 PM
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Re: Any way back from 2nd EA?

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Originally Posted by cjadek View Post
No she hasn't it was a knee jerk response but a response non the less.
It was an attempt to shut you up and control the narrative.

“The time's gone by for sentiment and all that foolery. Mercy's all very well but after all it's justice that clinches the bargain.”


“The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing.”
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