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post #106 of 224 (permalink) Old 02-13-2017, 09:20 AM
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Re: Any way back from 2nd EA?

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I agree that it certainly shows bad very bad character from the OM.

He's not shown respect for her marriage OR her husband, at all!


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Nor did she by proxy.

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post #107 of 224 (permalink) Old 02-13-2017, 11:27 AM
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Re: Any way back from 2nd EA?

I had asked this before but you may have missed it. Are you and your wife from the same country ? Is the OM from the same country too ? Would you mind saying what country that is ?

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To fight for the right, without question or pause
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post #108 of 224 (permalink) Old 02-13-2017, 11:32 AM
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Re: Any way back from 2nd EA?

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Nor did she by proxy.


Of course ... that goes without saying.


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post #109 of 224 (permalink) Old 02-13-2017, 12:08 PM
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Re: Any way back from 2nd EA?

@cjadek It's not a second EA, it's the first EA, still continuing.

Right, you need to do several things, get tested for STDs and -if legal where you live- get the children's DNA tested.

Counselling? Yes, but not until she ceases her affair,

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post #110 of 224 (permalink) Old 02-13-2017, 12:28 PM
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Re: Any way back from 2nd EA?

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@Andy1001 - have you has any personal experience with polygraphs? I get that they wouldn't be acceptable in a criminal court for a guilty finding because of the possibility of a false positive result ("reasonable doubt" and all that.) But I do know that they're used extensively in the financial services industry and other commercial environments. (Legally in my country, they can be used under specific circumstances in labour-related disputes - not as a basis for a finding of guilt on their own, but can be used in support of other evidence.)

After the reading that I did, I was pretty comfortable that, unless he was trained in countermeasures, my husband wouldn't be able to fool the test entirely. As I have known him for quite some time, I was reasonably comfortable that he wasn't trained in countermeasures. The examiner and I spoke for quite some time about what happens under stress, because I was concerned about the possibility of a false positive. I was satisfied that it was more likely that there would be an undetermined finding if my husband's stress was very great. The examiner was very willing to address my concerns and questions. (FWIW as a measure of my gullibility, if I had to define my "belief" in the technique as it was used in my context on a scale of 1 to 10, I'd give it a 7. Astrology is a 0. Water dowsing is a 2 - only because I've watched it be successful on more than one occasion - which I ascribed more to the dowser's ability to read the land than anything else.)

As I said, I was also willing to rely on the examiner's opinion as a result of his professional experience and exposure to this type of situation many times before - as a more objective opinion holder with no vested interest. I'm not really wanting to get into a discussion about whether polygraphs are (always) accurate or not, but am simply sharing that in my specific circumstance, I found one useful.
I've built them as part of a training exercise but that was about fifteen years ago.Every person on that course was able to fool them within a few days.They are very advanced ones around now but they cost over a hundred grand and I am fairly sure I could still fool one.The biggest problem they have is if you are the type of person who can be seething with anger while remaining outwardly calm then the polygraph takes your angry mood as normal,when you calm down inside the sensors assume you are lying even if you are being asked a question that everyone knows you are answering honestly.I'm probably not explaining this very well but unless you have seen them being used it is hard to understand how they work.Also the tester may only allow three or four questions to be asked whereas if you ask a couple of hundred then certain patterns will emerge.
Some people are afraid of them and will confess before being tested,this is called the parking lot confession but the way I look at it is if you feel you need a lie detector to prove your wife/husband/partner is being honest then it's probably time to split up anyway.
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post #111 of 224 (permalink) Old 02-13-2017, 12:45 PM
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Re: Any way back from 2nd EA?

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@cjadek It's not a second EA, it's the first EA, still continuing.

Right, you need to do several things, get tested for STDs and -if legal where you live- get the children's DNA tested.

Counselling? Yes, but not until she ceases her affair,
quoted for truth. It is a 15 year EA and probably a 15 year PA and >>0 chance kids may not be yours.

You can't do MC with a cheater.
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post #112 of 224 (permalink) Old 02-13-2017, 01:16 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Any way back from 2nd EA?

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Originally Posted by manfromlamancha View Post
I had asked this before but you may have missed it. Are you and your wife from the same country ? Is the OM from the same country too ? Would you mind saying what country that is ?
We are all from different countries however we all lived in the same country for many years
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post #113 of 224 (permalink) Old 02-13-2017, 01:19 PM
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Re: Any way back from 2nd EA?

Good luck with exposure man, we are all pulling for you

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post #114 of 224 (permalink) Old 02-13-2017, 02:39 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Any way back from 2nd EA?

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Good luck with exposure man, we are all pulling for you
Thank you @eric1
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post #115 of 224 (permalink) Old 02-13-2017, 02:50 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Any way back from 2nd EA?

I'll be making the call to OHW Tuesday US time. I'm am in no way nervous about this I've made much harder calls in my life.

I was adopted and found my birth mother when I was 40 after a period of time she told me my fathers name, he wasn't 100% aware of my existence. I researched and found him online and just picked up the phone and called (After 5 beers for courage! OK 6) this will be a walk in the park compared to that.

I can only see upside.
1. OMW gets to hear what a pig of a husband she has been marriage to for 20+ years.
2. OM gets to learn the consequences of infidelity and if he does truly love my W as he has profess consistently all this time it will give him the opportunity to finally set himself free from an unhappy marriage and may one day be truly happy (just not with my W!!)
3. OMW may be able to help fill in gaps I've missed in the email trail which will (or not) ratify Ws story about when and how contact resumed after our 1st NC agreement. This will add to my process of starting to trust her again / or not either way it will add to it.

Hope that doesn't make me a bad person but I do have a small sense of revenge towards OM he started this most unpleasant journey. As they say revenge is a dish best served cold.

Thanks to all of you who have actively encouraged me to think about the other victim of this EA and to show her the respect, decency and dignity she deserves. (Unless they have some kind of open marriage).

Oh! What a tangled web we weave, when first we practice to deceive.

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post #116 of 224 (permalink) Old 02-13-2017, 03:05 PM
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Re: Any way back from 2nd EA?

I know you wouldn't be otherwise @cjadek, but ... be gentle with the OM's W.

Don't get angry/frustrated if, once she understands what you're saying, she starts trying to convince you that there's nothing to worry about. You've got quite a headstart on her in dealing with this. She may have to get through denial and out on the other side, just like many of us did.

Know that you're doing the right thing for her. She might not want to know, but she does need to.
I've been on the other end of one of these calls...

Thoughts with you.

I have learned now that while those who speak about one's miseries usually hurt, those who keep silence hurt more. ― C.S. Lewis

FINE PRINT: My post is simply my own opinion (unless indicated otherwise). Which I believe I am entitled to express, as best as I can.
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post #117 of 224 (permalink) Old 02-13-2017, 03:15 PM
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Re: Any way back from 2nd EA?

@cjadek We are here for you. And also for the OM's wife, if she needs the support of TAM.

http://mygeneralblog1.blogspot.co.uk
http://mygeneralblog1.blogspot.co.uk...-cheaters.html (Be afraid UK cheaters! CheaterVille has come to the UK!
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post #118 of 224 (permalink) Old 02-13-2017, 03:17 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Any way back from 2nd EA?

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Originally Posted by Mizzbak View Post
I know you wouldn't be otherwise @cjadek, but ... be gentle with the OM's W.

Don't get angry/frustrated if, once she understands what you're saying, she starts trying to convince you that there's nothing to worry about. You've got quite a headstart on her in dealing with this. She may have to get through denial and out on the other side, just like many of us did.

Know that you're doing the right thing for her. She might not want to know, but she does need to.
I've been on the other end of one of these calls...

Thoughts with you.
Oh I intend to be nothing but gentle (and firm) with OMW she maybe about to have the world she thought she lived in turned upside down. If I can't be sympathetic to that given my current state of affairs then I'd not be the man I think I am.
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post #119 of 224 (permalink) Old 02-13-2017, 03:18 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Any way back from 2nd EA?

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@cjadek We are here for you. And also for the OM's wife, if she needs the support of TAM.
Thoughts on showing her this thread when/if the time is right?
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post #120 of 224 (permalink) Old 02-13-2017, 03:24 PM
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Re: Any way back from 2nd EA?

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Originally Posted by cjadek View Post
Thoughts on showing her this thread when/if the time is right?
I would keep this as your safe space. If she comes here, she could figure out how/what you are doing before you want her to. The other thing is she may get pisst that you are shaming her on the world wide interweb.....
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