While my now wife were dating 15 years ago she took a job at a company and struck up a friendship with one of the executives who was many years older, she told me how much of a nice man he was. I didn't think much of it at the time. Around the time of our wedding 4 years later he helped her get a part time job and I knew she had met him for lunch. At this stage I still didn't think anything of it. It wasn't until our 2nd child was born some 7 years later and my parents were visiting from my home country and we gave them my wifes old mobile phone to use while they were with staying with us. I was showing my Father how to use the phone when I started to delete some of the text messages to free up some space it was then I started reading some of the texts from this man who she had struck up the friendship with.
It was clear from the text's that this man was madly in love with my wife saying things like 'You're the love of my life and I love you so much' she never told him she loved him but would sign off with things like "lots of love and hugs xxx" but never made an effort to repal these outbursts of undying love.
I confronted her about this and she broke down begged me not to leave her and promised me on our childrens life that she would never have any contact with this man again and it was only ever a friendship and that it wasn't a PA. I took her word for that.
Fast forward 6 years and we now have 3 children and have moved back to the country of my birth. I was on our family laptop doing some work and I accidently click on her work gmail account instead of my gmail account to find an unread email sitting right there from the same man. I can't describe how I felt, I nearly vomitted into my mouth it was like deja-vu.
I read through every email and the theme was the same as before, her confiding how she was feeling (nothing about our relationship) about things etc, him persistently declaring his undying love for her and how he had been sad since the day we moved countries. It also showed that the 2 of them had chatted at least once on the phone but she had tried to call him at least 3 or 4 times. She initially said she turned to him when she was home sick and feeling down but I was suspicious as to how he knew that we'd moved countries if this was the first communication since she promised to cut all ties.
I confronted her about it and told her I was leaving her. She again broke down and told me he meant nothing more than a good friend and she was flattered that he felt so strongly about her and how he just listened to her and understood her problems. I asked how he knew we had moved countries and she come up with some lame reasosn. She denied this several times over the course of the next month but finally admitted that she had been in email contact before we left and had met him for lunch one time before we left.
I'm trying really hard to believe her that it was never a PA and she loves me and our kids more than anything. But something in my gut just can't trust her, there has to more.
She has never volunteered anything about the EA and only told me the truth once I'd already found out more about the extend of the deception. We are now receiving marriage counselling but I just don't know if I can ever trust her again. I was able to forgive the first EA but the second I'm not so sure. How can I trust her that she is telling the truth and not holding anything else back? I'm 99% sure it's never progressed to a PA but that 1% is eating me from the inside and I'm sure there is more I haven't been able to find out and she's not telling me for fear of my walking away.
Is there anyway back from this even though we love each other and have 3 children. I feel so hurt and betrayed.
It was clear from the text's that this man was madly in love with my wife saying things like 'You're the love of my life and I love you so much' she never told him she loved him but would sign off with things like "lots of love and hugs xxx" but never made an effort to repal these outbursts of undying love.
I confronted her about this and she broke down begged me not to leave her and promised me on our childrens life that she would never have any contact with this man again and it was only ever a friendship and that it wasn't a PA. I took her word for that.
Fast forward 6 years and we now have 3 children and have moved back to the country of my birth. I was on our family laptop doing some work and I accidently click on her work gmail account instead of my gmail account to find an unread email sitting right there from the same man. I can't describe how I felt, I nearly vomitted into my mouth it was like deja-vu.
I read through every email and the theme was the same as before, her confiding how she was feeling (nothing about our relationship) about things etc, him persistently declaring his undying love for her and how he had been sad since the day we moved countries. It also showed that the 2 of them had chatted at least once on the phone but she had tried to call him at least 3 or 4 times. She initially said she turned to him when she was home sick and feeling down but I was suspicious as to how he knew that we'd moved countries if this was the first communication since she promised to cut all ties.
I confronted her about it and told her I was leaving her. She again broke down and told me he meant nothing more than a good friend and she was flattered that he felt so strongly about her and how he just listened to her and understood her problems. I asked how he knew we had moved countries and she come up with some lame reasosn. She denied this several times over the course of the next month but finally admitted that she had been in email contact before we left and had met him for lunch one time before we left.
I'm trying really hard to believe her that it was never a PA and she loves me and our kids more than anything. But something in my gut just can't trust her, there has to more.
She has never volunteered anything about the EA and only told me the truth once I'd already found out more about the extend of the deception. We are now receiving marriage counselling but I just don't know if I can ever trust her again. I was able to forgive the first EA but the second I'm not so sure. How can I trust her that she is telling the truth and not holding anything else back? I'm 99% sure it's never progressed to a PA but that 1% is eating me from the inside and I'm sure there is more I haven't been able to find out and she's not telling me for fear of my walking away.
Is there anyway back from this even though we love each other and have 3 children. I feel so hurt and betrayed.