Re: Possible EA or just me being paranoid about a platonic friendship?
Hi Squid. I think you have done very well considering everything. It sounds like she is growing as an individual, but not as a partner. I would recommend going to counselling as a couple either with someone who is trained in emotion focused couples therapy or possibly the satir approach as they both will assist in the identification of emotions and roles in relationships.
Kudos for being open and honest with her. I agree with you that her desire to hide things is a red flag (taking you at your word you are not typically a jealous type).
I agree with her ability and right to have friendships outside of work with her colleagues.
It comes to this imo. Do you trust her? This is not the question where "yes, but" or "i think so" cuts it be honest with yourself. If you do trust her, then keep the lines of communication open, and try dating her again. Ask her out on dates. Woo her. Reconnect that ways. If your answer is no, then you have three options. Live the facade of happy marriage as you are now. Pursue separate lives. Or can trust and the relationship be rebuilt? There is always a possibility for relationships and trust to be rebuilt. But both parties have to be 100_ committed to doing that.
I wish you the best of luck. Remember; relationships are not always sunshine and unicorns. Working hard on your relationship is admirable and honourable and an excwllent trait and quality to model for your children. However, if only ONE of you is working on the relationship, it wont get very far fast. I would propose to her that she either reinvest in the relationship, even in a new form where she can not lose herself again or she needs to be honest with herself and you, and respectful towards you and declare that she is unable and/or unwilling to put the work and effort into your marriage.
I hope ibwas able to help somewhat.
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