Originally Posted by threelittlestars View Post
and YES I READ HER POST. i READ IT FIRST DAY SHE POSTED and i read YOUR POST....im not having issues with comprehension. But maybe you are not comprehending my point?
I'm not sure if the OP comprehended your point, but I certainly did. Yes, you are DEFINITELY projecting. I took the time to read both her and his separate posts, and it seems to me that they BOTH carry blame in this complete disaster of a marriage. Outside of that, I'm not sure why you, a total stranger, would make excuses for the WW. In her own words, she clearly describes her alleged former self: "I turned the hill of disagreements and frustration in our marriage into a mountain and I very selfishly took in the attention and crossed every line there is to cross in a marriage I cheated, lied, was terrible to my husband and I was a terrible mother st the time to my kids and my family and was extremely selfish in my actions
". The OP was no saint either and did absolutely nothing to pursue improving the situation (quite the opposite).
After reading all of the OP's posts and TAM member responses, I am certainly torn on this situation. I do not post very often here (but frequently read!), but this situation really perplexed me. On one hand, the WW seems to genuinely want to R and keep the marriage going; and yes, it possibly could be due to financial and logistical complacency. On the other hand, how on Earth could she go 18 WHOLE YEARS not noticing how jacked up her BH's emotions toward her were. I mean, it takes me about 5 seconds to realize that my wife is upset with me about something that she is not saying. That speaks volumes.
However, BH is here, asking for advice, so CLEARLY, he still has feelings for WW, whether or not he can come to grips with that himself. He's just maniacally (and deservedly so) hesitant about risking further damage to himself with potential R. IMHO, after 18 years, it's somewhat pointless to finger-point at either party as they both have done a ton of damage to the marriage, and both clearly require IC (and extremely NUETRAL MC) before a truly rational decision can be made regarding the remainder of their time on this Earth. Another TAM member mentioned that without IC, the OP will simply carry some of the same issues to a new relationship and begin another potential disaster. I AGREE!
OP, I am a Christian and whenever I am at a MAJOR fork in the road, as you currently are, I pray and put it in God's hands. He's NEVER let me down. That should be step one!