Sympathy for The Devil- Wayward Spouses and Compassion - Page 17 - Talk About Marriage
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post #241 of 243 (permalink) Old 03-09-2017, 05:59 AM
jld
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Re: Sympathy for The Devil- Wayward Spouses and Compassion

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Originally Posted by EllaSuaveterre View Post
I know I've not been on in a while, but I just want to announce that I am having a rather hard go of it lately, especially on the self-compassion aspect of things. It has been very difficult to eat and sleep on a regular basis this week, let alone engage in any therapy or self-help or self-care. I've lost 10 pounds in two weeks. If I don't start eating more my husband's not going to be pleased. I feel guilty because on bad days, the onus of keeping me alive usually falls to him. Not that I ask him to step in; he just does. I am incredibly lucky to have a man by my side as good and as caring and as responsible as he is. I don't know what I did to deserve him. I love him so much.

I'm tried of the memories. More than tired. I think I've stopped eating because at least when I'm starving I can't think about anything else, bad memories included. I don't see my psychologist until the 17th. I'm going to talk to her then about seeing her more frequently but she doesn't seem to think it's a good idea for whatever reason. For the last six months or so she's insisted that every other week is the way to go.

If you know of any way to self-care when doing the opposite is the only way to numb your mind, or of any way to get out of a slump when your strongest inclination is to lay in bed staring at the ceiling for an eternity and a half, let me know.

Meanwhile, as it's after midnight, I suppose I'll take a sleeping pill and crash.
Ella, did your husband ever express any remorse for not seeing the trouble you were heading into with that priest? Did he ever feel racked with guilt for not preventing that?

I think all the reading you have done about waywards is messing up your thinking. There is too much guilting of waywards on most of these infidelity forums, and not enough rational discussion of responsibility on both ends.

Also, have you thought about switching counselors? You are the customer, after all. If she is not meeting your needs, you could look for one who does.


One of the deepest feminine pleasures is when a man stands full, present, and unreactive in the midst of his woman's emotional storms. When he stays present with her, and loves her through the layers of wildness and closure, then she feels his trustability, and she can relax. -- David Deida, The Way of the Superior Man
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post #242 of 243 (permalink) Old 03-09-2017, 02:22 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Sympathy for The Devil- Wayward Spouses and Compassion

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Ella, did your husband ever express any remorse for not seeing the trouble you were heading into with that priest? Did he ever feel racked with guilt for not preventing that?

I think all the reading you have done about waywards is messing up your thinking. There is too much guilting of waywards on most of these infidelity forums, and not enough rational discussion of responsibility on both ends.

Also, have you thought about switching counselors? You are the customer, after all. If she is not meeting your needs, you could look for one who does.
He did express that he was sorry it happened and that he would have been able to prevent it if only he'd known. I don't think he ever felt guilt. He shouldn't have, either. It wasn't his fault. I'm trying to believe it wasn't wholly mine.

I do agree with you that the reading I've done has skewed my mind a bit. And yes, I have considered switching counselors, but I'm not sure if there are any available that I didn't already see as a child or teenager. Maybe they'd be better for me since they know me, in that sense.

It's a much better day today. I woke up feeling less tearful, and texted my beloved good morning. He texted that he loved me very, very much. <3 I love how affectionate he is. I can't wait for him to get home. The only thing I want in the world right now is to curl up in his strong, loving arms with a mug of hot cocoa.


Last edited by EllaSuaveterre; 03-09-2017 at 02:34 PM.
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post #243 of 243 (permalink) Old 03-09-2017, 03:11 PM
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Re: Sympathy for The Devil- Wayward Spouses and Compassion

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He did express that he was sorry it happened and that he would have been able to prevent it if only he'd known. I don't think he ever felt guilt. He shouldn't have, either. It wasn't his fault. I'm trying to believe it wasn't wholly mine.

I do agree with you that the reading I've done has skewed my mind a bit. And yes, I have considered switching counselors, but I'm not sure if there are any available that I didn't already see as a child or teenager. Maybe they'd be better for me since they know me, in that sense.

It's a much better day today. I woke up feeling less tearful, and texted my beloved good morning. He texted that he loved me very, very much. <3 I love how affectionate he is. I can't wait for him to get home. The only thing I want in the world right now is to curl up in his strong, loving arms with a mug of hot cocoa.
I'm glad he meets your needs in many ways, Ella. I do wish he would work on being more open to deep communication, though. I think that could be very helpful.

Also glad you are recognizing the limits of some of the advice given to waywards and betrayeds. Infidelity is not necessarily a simple situation with a one size fits all solution.

As to guilt . . . I would feel guilty if I married a teenager ten years younger than myself, and he were emotionally manipulated and very nearly physically exploited by a woman over twice his age who said she was a priest of his religion. I would ask myself how in the world I missed all of that. Truly, I would be conscience-stricken.

One of the deepest feminine pleasures is when a man stands full, present, and unreactive in the midst of his woman's emotional storms. When he stays present with her, and loves her through the layers of wildness and closure, then she feels his trustability, and she can relax. -- David Deida, The Way of the Superior Man
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