Originally Posted by EllaSuaveterre View Post
He knows of what I write here,but he had not read it himself, to my knowledge. He could I'd he wanted to; I'd let him. But I'd be embarrassed. And afraid. I don't want to hurt him. I don't know what to do. Part of me really wants to talk about it with him, because I need him and I need his comfort, and I need to know that he knows and that he cares. But maybe the others are right. Maybe I don't have any right to ask that my need to process be met in this way. Maybe I need to process alone, lest I drive him away. Maybe I need to process alone because anything else would be selfish. I don't understand why I'm thinking about OM so much. I also had a relapse into my eating disorder a fortnight ago. I starved myself for 5 days but then I started eating normally again. I don't know why I want to rehash old emotions or why I want to lose weight and stop eating. Maybe I do just want attention, and maybe that's a bad thing. I wish it wasn't.
I'm going to therapy in a couple hours. I'll talk about it then.
Oh, Ella, I am so sorry to hear about the eating disorder.
So glad you are seeing a therapist. I hope he or she can help.
I don't think you are selfish, nor are you simply seeking attention. You are trying to deepen the marriage through transparent communication and vulnerability. It could be very healing for both of you.
I certainly do not see anything wrong with sharing everything in your heart openly with him. Honestly, I think it is very healthy and absolutely essential for a thriving marriage.
Ella, does your therapist know you post here? Does she know the kind of feedback you are getting?
If you were my daughter (and my own daughter is actually just two years younger than you are), I would urge you to open your whole heart to your husband--complete vulnerability. A strong man can handle that. He won't take it personally. He will likely be moved by his wife's trust in him.
Ella, I do think your husband loves you. I also think he could grow from revisiting what happened, however uncomfortable initially.
The more you share from your heart with your spouse, the more vulnerable you are, the greater the chance for understanding and bonding. Who would ever not
want that in marriage?