Help me, I think I'm about to make a "right decision" the "wrong way" - Page 6
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Coping with Infidelity Relationship recovery from the destructiveness of infidelity.

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Old 12-21-2011, 07:38 AM   #76 (permalink)
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This is YOUR LIFE....there can be nothing selfish about putting it right....

P x
He's selfish. He had the world in his hands and blew it. Maybe your daughter will have a healthier mom for Christmas.
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Old 12-21-2011, 07:38 AM   #77 (permalink)
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Default Re: Help me, I think I'm about to make a "right decision" the "wrong way"

This is so hard... This is so hard to take.. I am fighting back tears, fighting back asking him to stay.. There's a picture of my daughter on my wall... She's so innocent. I feel like this is right but when I lok at her I also feel its wrong.
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Old 12-21-2011, 07:40 AM   #78 (permalink)
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Default Re: Help me, I think I'm about to make a "right decision" the "wrong way"

yes your daughter is innocent but you weren't the one who did this to her, it is your job to protect her and you can only do that if you are safe and make a better life for yourself
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Old 12-21-2011, 07:42 AM   #79 (permalink)
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This is so hard... This is so hard to take.. I am fighting back tears, fighting back asking him to stay.. There's a picture of my daughter on my wall... She's so innocent. I feel like this is right but when I lok at her I also feel its wrong.
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Could he suffer PTSD from war? Maybe this will be the catalyst to jump start his recovery. For him - not the relationship. He isn't healthy for your daughter either.
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Old 12-21-2011, 07:52 AM   #80 (permalink)
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Default Re: Help me, I think I'm about to make a "right decision" the "wrong way"

He has, no efforts of mine have persuaded him to seek help. He was molested as a child.. Just like my fathers abuse led me to a destructive past with older men, I understand the emotional and psychological effects that he had to endure. I asked to help him. He refused. I said I don't think less of him as a person, he told me to let it go. This was before he cheated. He said it want a problem. I said if he isn't comfortable with me being there, I could simply support him while he sought counseling. I again was told to let it go.

I know he is damaged. I know he is hurting, but I tried to help and he wouldn't let me, now.. Its bigger than me... Its bigger than him... In my opinion, the only one who is big enough for this is God.
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Old 12-21-2011, 08:07 AM   #81 (permalink)
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He has, no efforts of mine have persuaded him to seek help. He was molested as a child.. Just like my fathers abuse led me to a destructive past with older men, I understand the emotional and psychological effects that he had to endure. I asked to help him. He refused. I said I don't think less of him as a person, he told me to let it go. This was before he cheated. He said it want a problem. I said if he isn't comfortable with me being there, I could simply support him while he sought counseling. I again was told to let it go.

I know he is damaged. I know he is hurting, but I tried to help and he wouldn't let me, now.. Its bigger than me... Its bigger than him... In my opinion, the only one who is big enough for this is God.
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Either losing you and his daughter will be his rock bottom and spur him into action. If it's not, it's his decision and personally, I'd highly doubt he'd ever get help if this doesn't do it. But that said, you're doing this for you and your baby - not him.
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Old 12-21-2011, 08:10 AM   #82 (permalink)
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Default Re: Help me, I think I'm about to make a "right decision" the "wrong way"

I just don't want my daughter to suffer for her parents mistakes.

My father cheated on my mom the whole 21 years they were married, which leaves me wondering how long would he have allowed this to continue had I not found out? Until I got an STD? HIV.. AIDS?

I saw my mom beg my father, on her hands and knees. She got breast cancer and he moved on with his life expecting her to die. Started another family. Got a woman, my mothers friend, pregnant with my half brother I have seen all of three times. He's ten!

I was three youngest child. I dried my moms tears when she prayed out loud for God to end her life. I was a child!

I suffered so much from that.

I became her.

My two year old daughter pat me on the back and said, "its ok mommy, I love you"

When my mom wished she would die I told her I needed her, I loved her.

I don't hate her.. I know now how bad it hurts. But I can't let my daughter end up like me.
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Old 12-21-2011, 08:12 AM   #83 (permalink)
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I just don't want my daughter to suffer for her parents mistakes.

My father cheated on my mom the whole 21 years they were married, which leaves me wondering how long would he have allowed this to continue had I not found out? Until I got an STD? HIV.. AIDS?

I saw my mom beg my father, on her hands and knees. She got breast cancer and he moved on with his life expecting her to die. Started another family. Got a woman, my mothers friend, pregnant with my half brother I have seen all of three times. He's ten!

I was three youngest child. I dried my moms tears when she prayed out loud for God to end her life. I was a child!

I suffered so much from that.

I became her.

My two year old daughter pat me on the back and said, "its ok mommy, I love you"

When my mom wished she would die I told her I needed her, I loved her.

I don't hate her.. I know now how bad it hurts. But I can't let my daughter end up like me.
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Know without a doubt you are doing the right thing!
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Old 12-21-2011, 08:14 AM   #84 (permalink)
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Merry Christmas.... How selfish I am to do this now. I could have waited so my daughter could spend Christmas with her father..

I feel downright horrible.
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STOP IT! You are doing the best thing here for you and you daughter. You are showing her how women should be treated.., you are bein strong and doing the right thing.

I am in a very similar position. My H of ten years has been having an eight month affair, I found out, took him back believed his lies let him manipulate me. Last Wednesday I kicked him and all his stuff out. I too am in full time school and I have two daughters.

I also feel that I want him to comfort me and make things better. But then I remember that HE and he alone has caused the pain and uncertainty that I feel and only I can stop him from treating me this way.

You are being strong and thats an amazing gift to give your daughter (and me mine)

We will get through this and we will realise how strong and capable we our and our daughters will grow up with a lesson on how to demand respect from the people in you life.

Feel free to pm me ... Seems we have a lot on common

Stay strong, you're doing an amazing job!
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Old 12-21-2011, 08:31 AM   #85 (permalink)
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STOP IT! You are doing the best thing here for you and you daughter. You are showing her how women should be treated.., you are bein strong and doing the right thing.

I am in a very similar position. My H of ten years has been having an eight month affair, I found out, took him back believed his lies let him manipulate me. Last Wednesday I kicked him and all his stuff out. I too am in full time school and I have two daughters.

I also feel that I want him to comfort me and make things better. But then I remember that HE and he alone has caused the pain and uncertainty that I feel and only I can stop him from treating me this way.

You are being strong and thats an amazing gift to give your daughter (and me mine)

We will get through this and we will realise how strong and capable we our and our daughters will grow up with a lesson on how to demand respect from the people in you life.

Feel free to pm me ... Seems we have a lot on common

Stay strong, you're doing an amazing job!
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Old 12-21-2011, 09:19 AM   #86 (permalink)
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Default Re: Help me, I think I'm about to make a "right decision" the "wrong way"

My parents were like you and your husband - your post struck a nerve with me. Except my mother stayed and just believed everything he said. Now, 30 years later, she is a mere shell of a human being. It pains me to go and see them.. their relationship is so wrong. If i could have one wish in life it would be that my mum did what you did today.

You are stronger than you think.
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Old 12-21-2011, 09:58 AM   #87 (permalink)
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Default Re: Help me, I think I'm about to make a "right decision" the "wrong way"

Quote:
Originally Posted by ishe? View Post
STOP IT! You are doing the best thing here for you and you daughter. You are showing her how women should be treated.., you are bein strong and doing the right thing.

I am in a very similar position. My H of ten years has been having an eight month affair, I found out, took him back believed his lies let him manipulate me. Last Wednesday I kicked him and all his stuff out. I too am in full time school and I have two daughters.

I also feel that I want him to comfort me and make things better. But then I remember that HE and he alone has caused the pain and uncertainty that I feel and only I can stop him from treating me this way.

You are being strong and thats an amazing gift to give your daughter (and me mine)

We will get through this and we will realise how strong and capable we our and our daughters will grow up with a lesson on how to demand respect from the people in you life.

Feel free to pm me ... Seems we have a lot on common

Stay strong, you're doing an amazing job!
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Your children learn not just from what you tell them, but from what they observe from your actions. Based on your description of your childhood, you know that. You are making a very brave and powerful decision to stop that cycle and show your child how to handle and respect yourself. Know that you are doing the right thing, as hard as it is.
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Old 12-21-2011, 03:57 PM   #88 (permalink)
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Default Re: Help me, I think I'm about to make a "right decision" the "wrong way"

GoingNowhere ,

I slept too long, woke at 2pm. My husband just let me sleep. So i'm checking in on your. Are you OK?
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Last edited by EleGirl; 12-21-2011 at 05:30 PM.
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Old 12-22-2011, 09:47 PM   #89 (permalink)
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Default Re: Help me, I think I'm about to make a "right decision" the "wrong way"

I'm a bit concerned because GoingNowhere has not come back after telling her husband to leave.
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Old 12-22-2011, 10:13 PM   #90 (permalink)
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I'm a bit concerned because GoingNowhere has not come back after telling her husband to leave.
I was also just hunting for this thread.
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