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post #46 of 56 (permalink) Old 03-05-2017, 08:01 PM
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Re: New to EA

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Originally Posted by Want2Understand View Post
The latest...we went to counseling. That morning before counseling I had a phone call from the OW where she admitted to oral, manual, and phone sex while he was on a work trip. Ok...so I had proof. I went first with my story. I did not mention yet what I had learned. Then, he told his story. Again, not admitting sex. So, I confronted him in front of the counselor. He said it wasn't intercourse so he doesn't consider it sex. Seriously, Bill Clinton?? Anyway, when he knew he could not win the argument, he said he had something dark inside of him and he could not quit. But, he had. He had not had an affair for 32 years. He kept talking about how he had been on Yahoo Messenger and in forums in the 1990's when he had to quit that. The counselor asked him a few questions and now he says he has deep issues...sex addiction.

So, now the focus is on his problem. Too freaking bad that I had to get hurt but he couldn't help it. This is so much like IEP for behavior students. They couldn't help it that they punched you or cursed you. It is an issue that can't help.

This just seems awfully damn convenient that he has "issues". Can he not just let me go? He professes his deep love for me. Well, if this is love, I don't want a part of it.

So, what do you all think? Can he possibly have sex addiction? If he does, what should I do now?? All opinions welcomed!
If he does have a sex addiction, he had decades to address it and fix himself. He chose not to.

Were I you, you would stop going to counseling with him and get a divorce.


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post #47 of 56 (permalink) Old 03-05-2017, 08:12 PM Thread Starter
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Re: New to EA

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If he does have a sex addiction, he had decades to address it and fix himself. He chose not to.

Were I you, you would stop going to counseling with him and get a divorce.
That is my intentions. He just feels he can still manipulate me. What he doesn't get is that I come first. I don't give a crap about him anymore. I have been a pretty damn good partner all these years. And, he just lost it all.
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post #48 of 56 (permalink) Old 03-05-2017, 08:19 PM
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Re: New to EA

He does not get t play the victim card that is absolutely bs....time to play the divorce card.....time to turn the table....
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post #49 of 56 (permalink) Old 03-05-2017, 09:59 PM
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Re: New to EA

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If he does have a sex addiction, he had decades to address it and fix himself. He chose not to.
This exactly! Only when he's been caught with his pants down, does he now seek help.

It's not genuine remorse. It's fake because he wants to avoid the fall outs of divorce.

In other words, he is a cake eater.

Please don't waste another cent on counseling. You deserve better. Even being alone is better than wasting another day on this man.

"If you deliberately plan on being less than you are capable of being, then I warn you that you'll be unhappy for the rest of your life."

~ Abraham Maslow
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post #50 of 56 (permalink) Old 03-05-2017, 10:21 PM
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Re: New to EA

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Originally Posted by Want2Understand View Post
The latest...we went to counseling. That morning before counseling I had a phone call from the OW where she admitted to oral, manual, and phone sex while he was on a work trip. Ok...so I had proof. I went first with my story. I did not mention yet what I had learned. Then, he told his story. Again, not admitting sex. So, I confronted him in front of the counselor. He said it wasn't intercourse so he doesn't consider it sex. Seriously, Bill Clinton?? Anyway, when he knew he could not win the argument, he said he had something dark inside of him and he could not quit. But, he had. He had not had an affair for 32 years. He kept talking about how he had been on Yahoo Messenger and in forums in the 1990's when he had to quit that. The counselor asked him a few questions and now he says he has deep issues...sex addiction.

So, now the focus is on his problem. Too freaking bad that I had to get hurt but he couldn't help it. This is so much like IEP for behavior students. They couldn't help it that they punched you or cursed you. It is an issue that can't help.

This just seems awfully damn convenient that he has "issues". Can he not just let me go? He professes his deep love for me. Well, if this is love, I don't want a part of it.

So, what do you all think? Can he possibly have sex addiction? If he does, what should I do now?? All opinions welcomed!
LOL...

They're still lying!

There was sex, as in full-blown, actual, PIV sex.

He's had three affairs that you know about, and God only knows how many you don't know about.

Anyway, until he admits to PIV, he's lying.

Sex addiction? LOL... WHO CARES?!?

He's a serial wayward. He's not going to stop.

Virginia: "Why can't you kids leave well enough alone? Everything was fine until you started digging around."

Burt: "You sound like a Scooby Doo villain."
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post #51 of 56 (permalink) Old 03-05-2017, 10:31 PM
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Re: New to EA

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That is my intentions. He just feels he can still manipulate me. What he doesn't get is that I come first. I don't give a crap about him anymore. I have been a pretty damn good partner all these years. And, he just lost it all.
But on your other thread you said that if he has a sex addiction you will feel sorry and stay with him.

I hope you don't.

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post #52 of 56 (permalink) Old 03-07-2017, 05:33 AM
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Re: New to EA

I'm very sorry that you are going through this. Stay strong and know this isn't your fault. The blame is all on him.
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post #53 of 56 (permalink) Old 03-07-2017, 06:01 AM Thread Starter
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I meant I will see him through some therapy and then he is on his own. I'm out. I'm keeping our house. He can find a new place and a new life.
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post #54 of 56 (permalink) Old 03-07-2017, 06:15 AM Thread Starter
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Actually, I looked back at that post and what I was saying is that he was hoping if he brought up sex addiction, I would stay. But, no, he broke our vows. We all have choices.
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post #55 of 56 (permalink) Old 03-07-2017, 08:06 PM
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Re: New to EA

Good. Stay strong and follow through with your divorce.

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post #56 of 56 (permalink) Old 03-08-2017, 01:25 PM
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Re: New to EA

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Actually, I looked back at that post and what I was saying is that he was hoping if he brought up sex addiction, I would stay. But, no, he broke our vows. We all have choices.
Ahh... the "but I have a sex addition" card. How many times have we seen it played as a last resort. After the lying, gas lighting, subversion, and betrayal is finally exposed. It's a cowardly Hail Mary attempt.

Even if it's real, which I doubt it is; so the F what. It doesn't change what he's done or who he is.

Last edited by badmemory; 03-08-2017 at 01:59 PM.
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