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post #16 of 18 (permalink) Old 03-10-2017, 09:24 AM
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Re: Coworker "friend"

Originally Posted by GoodGal View Post
Got nerve to say over phone think maybe we should separate - He got a bit emotional sounding, can tell he doesn't want to. Trying to be extra caring to me, saying we will be okay to me, etc. Telling me I love You. Not admitting any affair though. I was feeling ok about it. temporarily. (he did move To a different office in OCT 2016. so that was good)
I exploded a few weeks ago one night ,he said we do need MC. I will look up but He needs to call now. Asked him and says Yes to a POLY but,,,,need funds first.

*2 days ago I Broke out in Hives thinking about him + all the stuff that didn't feel right, so that sucked. my body seems to be telling me something. He felt bad took me to ER.
This morning b4 work I brought up the stuff, stating facts I know of, pissed at him. He says "you think too much". he sick of hearing about it. He still said all loving things after.
I will try to keep it together but ever since I talked w Reg. Dr last month she suggested Separation- I thought this week to do it but didn't.
I need to go to IC either way bc I shouldn't felt alone in Marriage for 2 yrs. Realize I was Numb 1st yr, Did I not Confront her abt txt [he asked me not to] just waited for him to STOP her. I will never PUT up with this again(affair or not) Respect for Myself is Priority, he needs to make amends if EA only. I need to Build my life outside home, was SAHM for many years, as we have HS Kids, 1 with high function Autism. This is 18 yr marriage, may be mid life crisis but shouldn't dragged me down w him. No I'm not perfect but being lied to was Hell. Even if no cheating.
My words to him last summer when he was still working w her,Your making the wrong girl Happy. That's a terrible feeling. I deserves Happy/ Honesty, I told him I don't want to him stay if he's not happy. I don't want to be a Marriage w liar either - Its draining. Lots of history here, Hoping MC helps.+ Poly is solid.
Does he have any contact with the coworker now? In office, on the job, work related emails/phone/text/, non work emails/calls/texts/FB etc? Is he 100%, and I mean 100% no contact with her?

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post #17 of 18 (permalink) Old 03-10-2017, 11:23 AM
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Location: Southern USA, but longtime NYC boy prior to our move.
Posts: 690
Re: Coworker "friend"

I had sex with 5 co-workers in 47 years, but I was in a non monogamous marriage. I spent more time with them than I did with my wife most times. You become close, friends and then get feelings for each other. I have experienced that most who cheat, cheat with either a friend of their spouse or a co-worker. Few married people go out looking for others in bars and clubs. They only come into contact with the opposite sex socially or at work. It is something to be concerned about.

In my younger days I was naive. As a result, my ex fiancee and then girlfriend after her, cheated on me with guys they met through me and from work. As a result when it comes to affairs of the heart, I trust no one 100%. When it comes to sex, no one can be trusted. We even have very holy people committing adultery. Politicians and others risk their careers by cheating. Today I read about Priest in the Vatican having orgies. That is how powerful our sexual drive is. We are genetically designed to have as much sex as possible. Only society's rules contain us and so far it fails half of the time, so the rules are not so good anymore.

My wife and I have an understanding. If either of us does anything that the other does not feel comfortable with, we do not do it anymore. I have moved or changed jobs to get away from women who chased/stalked me. My wife has stopped doing social things because guys were flirting with her and getting bolder because my wife is way too nice, to say anything. I am not so nice because being that nice never worked out for me. I have seen guys and girls who I thought were very faithful, cheat. Every boss that I ever had, male or female, cheated. I know because I traveled with them or was their right hand man. Only now, 44 years later, do we have friends who never cheated and been divorced. Even our siblings cheated. I just will not trust a spouse as much as some guys who post do. I have seen what happens to those who firmly state that their spouse would never cheat on them, like I used to do. That makes it so much easier for them to cheat.

Express your concerns to your husband and tell him that whether he is cheating or not, the situation is affecting your emotionally even if it is all very innocent. I have posted many times that if you are living with a knot in your stomach worried about if your spouse is cheating or not, it really does not matter if they are or not. You are still being emotionally affected by whatever it is that they are doing to cause those feelings and it has to stop if he/she loves you.

Many prefer to drown in a pool of their own morality rather than seek the safety of a different morality.
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post #18 of 18 (permalink) Old 03-10-2017, 08:26 PM
Join Date: Oct 2016
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Re: Coworker "friend"

Originally Posted by GusPolinski View Post
I don't even have to read all that to know that he's lying.
I admit I tried to read the entire first post but was way too long with too many strange abbreviations and not enough paragraph breaks so I gave up part way through.

I only have to read @GusPolinski 's post to know that your husband is lying.
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