Join Date: Jan 2016
Location: Southern USA, but longtime NYC boy prior to our move.
Re: Coworker "friend"
I had sex with 5 co-workers in 47 years, but I was in a non monogamous marriage. I spent more time with them than I did with my wife most times. You become close, friends and then get feelings for each other. I have experienced that most who cheat, cheat with either a friend of their spouse or a co-worker. Few married people go out looking for others in bars and clubs. They only come into contact with the opposite sex socially or at work. It is something to be concerned about.
In my younger days I was naive. As a result, my ex fiancee and then girlfriend after her, cheated on me with guys they met through me and from work. As a result when it comes to affairs of the heart, I trust no one 100%. When it comes to sex, no one can be trusted. We even have very holy people committing adultery. Politicians and others risk their careers by cheating. Today I read about Priest in the Vatican having orgies. That is how powerful our sexual drive is. We are genetically designed to have as much sex as possible. Only society's rules contain us and so far it fails half of the time, so the rules are not so good anymore.
My wife and I have an understanding. If either of us does anything that the other does not feel comfortable with, we do not do it anymore. I have moved or changed jobs to get away from women who chased/stalked me. My wife has stopped doing social things because guys were flirting with her and getting bolder because my wife is way too nice, to say anything. I am not so nice because being that nice never worked out for me. I have seen guys and girls who I thought were very faithful, cheat. Every boss that I ever had, male or female, cheated. I know because I traveled with them or was their right hand man. Only now, 44 years later, do we have friends who never cheated and been divorced. Even our siblings cheated. I just will not trust a spouse as much as some guys who post do. I have seen what happens to those who firmly state that their spouse would never cheat on them, like I used to do. That makes it so much easier for them to cheat.
Express your concerns to your husband and tell him that whether he is cheating or not, the situation is affecting your emotionally even if it is all very innocent. I have posted many times that if you are living with a knot in your stomach worried about if your spouse is cheating or not, it really does not matter if they are or not. You are still being emotionally affected by whatever it is that they are doing to cause those feelings and it has to stop if he/she loves you.
Many prefer to drown in a pool of their own morality rather than seek the safety of a different morality when the choice is monogamy or your marriage.